A Question For All Who Have Abuse Induced Ptsd

[RussH]

And @Bookoffee He loves you.

 

[Justmehere]

As a child, one of my abusers had a PhD in nuclear physics. Another had an MD.

As an adult, 2 attackers had no college education but 1 abuser had a phd.

Me? PTSD lead to my ending college a semester short of graduation. I'm less educated than my entire extended family. :( I'm also the only on on disability. :(

But emotional smarts? I am much smarter. Success at not being a perp of abuse? Much more successful. :)

In God's eyes? I am grateful He doesn't see me like I see me.

 

[rightkindofme]

I have a complex relationship with the idea of God. I think God is lovely and wonderful and helpful for other people. And they can have that relationship with my full blessing and support. It's not a situation that works for me. :)

 

[RussH]

@Justmehere Too often we see ourselves at the ugly unfinished construction project that has many, many mistakes, but God sees us as a perfected project without mistakes.
I am not here to preach, and certainly did not start this post as a way to preach, but I want you to know that God loves you exactly as you are, with all the warts and blimishes.:)

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I know this isn't what you're saying, but my mind jumps 10 steps ahead (or maybe that's off to the side) and thinks that the implication is that abusers are of the low-life, non-educated type. I know this hits a nerve with me as I came from a family where EVERYONE has advanced degrees and that was no shield from abuse. Of course, I know that's not what you mean, but that's where my mind leads me. And it pisses me off (not you, rather societies perception) that the highly educated, more successful type people aren't suspected of abuse as readily as the poor white trash on welfare.

No, I am not more educated (equally educated) and no, I am not more successful in terms of a career as I am on disability. HOWEVER, I do think that I am more successful as a human being, despite my many shortcomings, simply because I admit to my faults and I am working on becoming a better person. And that, my friend, is light years ahead of those who abused me.

[Again, not ranting or criticizing anything said in this thread, so please don't take offense....I realize my thinking was tangential to the actual question posed.]

 

[rightkindofme]

Totally fair to bring up how topics make you feel. Otherwise people can't examine tropes from all sides.

 

[RussH]

@Solara, no offense taken, and you are free to express how you think.
No, you are correct, I am no implying anything about our abusers, other than many of them treated us as if we were less than them, and my question is simply to point out that, in spite of our abusers opinoins, we are quality people.

And I agree completely with you that success should be measured in the kind of person we have become, and are becoming, than how we are educated, or what we do.

 

[therisa]

I know, educationally, I have completed higher levels, with a BA, while my abusers (family members) have, at most, high school. Sadly, economically, I haven't been able to work, for the past 8 years, and find myself, on a disability support program, from the province of Ontario. But, emotionally and socially, I am "miles" better off, sharing whenever I can with those, who need it more than I do. Having learnt, how to write poetry, to express my pain and dreams, in a way, I never would imagine, 8 years ago.

 

[Recovery4Me]

I do think that I am more successful as a human being, despite my
many shortcomings, simply because I admit to my faults and I am working on becoming a better person

Bravo!!! That is success as well (to me)!!

 

[Seasounds]

@RussH, I appreciate the thoughfulness of your thread.

And I am just wondering is way back when we were abused, if our abusers saw something in us that scared them, and they tried to destroy us as a result of it.

For me:

• My sense is that education and/or IQ has nothing to do with successful perpetrators; in fact, sometimes it makes them more devious. I also don't think that the IQ of the victims is the main reason perpetrators choose their prey.
• I believe abuse occurs for a variety of reasons: the perpetrators were abused; with children, perpetrators are in the privileged, position of power-this gives them free reign to abuse, confuse, deceive, and deny their actions of wrong doing to their relatives, their community, and their victims; most perpetrators were not successfully loved, nor socialized, hence, they have poor emotional regulation-so they beat, violate, and yell, when they are upset, instead of using their words; when perpetrators act, their anger, from the past, gets re-activated when they see a victim who was near the age the perpetrator was at, when they were abused; and the most paradoxical reason of all, children's innocence is both desired and feared by perpetrators-since perpetrators are stuck in how they relate to others, due to their own abuse, perpetrators violate, in order to be connected, and to be validated, by others.
• FYI, it was my impression, based on their job performance and my discussions with them, that my parents IQ was quite high, despite their education levels. They lack emotional intelligence. I'd say that my IQ is equal to theirs, that I had more educational opportunities. Yet, (some believe), due to being a product of an affair, I, too, was the scapegoat of the family, and 'through demonstration of my traumas, it has been noted by professionals that my abuse was more severe, and occurred at an earlier age than my parents.
• I propose that much of the sophistication on this site is due to the spark of innate, and instinctual intelligence, that was ignited, from our member's, once-but no longer, disenfranchised, and disadvantaged position.

@rightkindofme, myself, as I, too, respect other's beliefs, God doesn't work for me either. I hope you find support for your perspectives and truths. Good luck with your children and your writing!
Me, I enjoy a rich connection with my spirit, without religion. I do believe that all beings are inherently divine creations, and their actions may not be. With my own authority, in my worst of days, I remind myself, or ask my friends to remind me, that I am an inherently good person, who has behaviors, that may or may not be helpful, to myself and others; more like a work of art in progress.:)

 

[Recovery4Me]

Unfortunately this is not unusual for abuse victims.

As a teacher, I must quietly protest... lol. I have taught thousands and many were combat PTSD too!!

Forget what the world tells you that you can not do, numbers can be played upon: just do it.


PS...great thread Russ:hug:

 

[RussH]

@Recovery4Me first, I love you picture icon. Then I have no doubt that combat induced PTSD suffers face some of the same challenges with under acheivement as abuse suffers, but my personal research and experience has dealt with abuse suffers only, so I confine my comments to them.