Advice Needed: Massive Anxiety About Partner Travelling

[Mallaky]

Hello,

I could really use some advice. So, my partner is going to travel to a heavy metall, rock n roll event in vienna one week from now, its a birthday gift, and I am getting unspeakably anxious about it. Intrusive thoughts, nightmares, flashbacks to learning people have died, the works. My fears are about him getting seriously injured and dying, most of the time.

I wonder if any of you have any idea how I can best deal with it. If there is anything constructive I can do.
I am often worried sick when he goes to rock concerts, but have become used to it. I have started to see those things as opportunities for growth. This event will be several days though, and I would prefer not brute forcing my way through it.

I am super happy for him, he loves rock n roll concerts and stuff, but man, I wish I could think of something else then him being maimed to death by dozens and dozens of different death traps. Curse you vivid imagination.

 

[SoSadGuilty]

Hello,

I could really use some advice. So, my partner is going to travel to a heavy metall, rock n rol...

The vivid imagination is my worst enemy too. I'm using a book with exercises at the moment, it is called Mind over mood. It has been quite helpful particularly in relation to the "What ifs" I'm still struggling though so can't offer much more help than this.

 

[Ronin]

Curse you vivid imagination.

What about imagining all the other ways he's gonna be?
All the ways he's gonna have fun, spectacularly good Good Time, meeting new friends (insert all the friends' vivid descriptions), what all is the music going to give him, and a safe and comfortable way back to you?

Do you know what specifically stresses you the most, besides 'the whole thing and then a million other details about it'?

 

[Mallaky]

Do you know what specifically stresses you the most, besides 'the whole thing and then a million other details about it'?

He falling and people trampling on bis back and shattering it. Thats the most recurring intrusive thought. Does a good job stopping me from sleeping. Just pops up, a horrible mini movie, on replay in my head. He has broken his back in a swimming accident once, its all okay now, but, well....

Then the terror act didn't help, considering we are gay and all.

 

[Ronin]

That gig is in Austria, Austrians ain't no uncivilized people, I bet if he fell, someone would pick him up and help him dust off and buy him a cool beer to compensate for that aawful fall ;)

I get being affected by that, though there's one other thing - for majority of people, nothing changes, & even if one happens to wear things visibly identifying them as a part of X group, people aren't usually watching out for it other than in very general terms / not knowing the meanings in detail / caring all that much, unless they have reasons to care personally?

All I'm saying: Random music goers probably won't hate on him for that, it wouldn't connect to them at all.

 

[Mallaky]

I'm using a book with exercise

What kind of excercises are that?

@Cashew
I always have a hard time fighting my irrational fears with rationanility. If that would work, they'd be rational fears ,no?
I am fully aware I am being "hysteric" but its getting worse and worse even though I know it makes no sense. :(

 

[Ronin]

I am fully aware I am being "hysteric"

Nope, you aren't.
Hysteria ain't a thing, nor you're being irrational.
It makes sense, and it isn't way off reality or whatever.

Is there anything that worked for similar issues in the past?
Is there something suggesting him going to a gig will be just like a number of gigs you've went to together / that he went to on his own, in which nothing bad happened to anyone?

 

[Mallaky]

Thank you @Cashew!

For your kind words and your great, great idea. When hubby comes home I will sit down with him, and we will talk about all the many concerts he went to, how afraid I was some of the time, and how it always went down. That is exactly the thing I was looking for. Will update how this worked.

edit: Just remembered its his long day today, so maybe it has to wait till tomorrow.

 

[Ronin]

Aww man, glad there's something you can do, and cheers ;)

Please let us know how things go.

 

[SoSadGuilty]

What kind of excercises are that?

@Cashew
I always have a hard time fighting my ir...

The exercises are things like doing a fear ladder, identifying and rating moods, thought records.....

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

My experience of metal gigs and people who go to metal gigs is that they are big scary looking teddy bears. Yeah there's mosh pits but see if someone falls in one everyone I triping over themselves to help pick them up dust them off ask I they're ok.

I know that won't help with your vivid imagination and your anxietys but I hope some part of you picks up a little of it. You could ask your partner to keep out of the mosh pits if that would put your mind a bit at rest.

You could try radicle acceptance as like you are going to feel anxious about it you could try to accept it. http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/radical_acceptance_text.html although they say to start on small things first. Just an idea.

First notice the pain and the cause.
So your partner got tickets for his birthday he likes metal gigs, you have a vivid imagination and care for your partner very much. So of course you are worried for him.
Make an inner commitment
I don't like it, I'm anxious, I can stand it, it's not a catastrophe, everything has a cause.

Repeat
Notice getting upset, why me inner voice, I can't handle it. Repeat over and over every time you find yourself upset.

The link is a big read but explains it more eloquently than I can.

 

[Justmehere]

Try looking into grounding and mindfulness. I have an "irrational" fear too, and no amount of logic and reason or facts makes it go away. Excerise help, and so does things like holding a frozen water bottle. It makes me pay attention to the water bottle instead of the fears, and somehow, it helps. I will alternate between frozen water bottle and a warm cup of tea when things are really bad.