Afraid Of My Son And Fighting With Wife?

[Raj]

This really hard to talk about. Lately my son seems to have increasing hanger towards my Wife and I. This anger can be over very little things (like thinking He will not get an equal snack with the other family members).

He can get red in the face or give go to heck lock or jump up and down and wave is harms like a bird trying to take off! This is also joined by demanding we get Him to work by driving Him there, instead of Him either walking or getting a License.

If he is late for work He blames us even though is alarm's go off for half an hour. He has physically hurt people in the past and never acknowledges anger, while currently stating he can not comprehend sympathy or empathy. This scares me!

My wife says don't ignore Him, but if we ask how His day was in the wrong way He goes into a stay out of my business tantrum! He also threatens to move out over very minimal parenting like "get off the computer" so we can all go to bed?

 

[a3a2]

Curious about the age of your son, Raj. Does he have ptsd? Is your wife his mother? I suspect he won't go to therapy, and if that is the case, you and your wife should go to learn how best to help him...and yourselves.

 

[mamachick]

Hi Raj,
It sounds horrible to live like this. How old is your son? Have you considered getting him counseling for a diagnosis and to see what is going on?

 

[Raj]

We tried counseling, it was very poor we live in a rural area with one counseling company and the counselor told Him "He did not need rules". The further explained that compromising meant we should do whatever our son wanted so He would not be so angry with us.

Later the same counselor almost broke our dining room table due to His own anger issues! We have tried to find other counselors and been told that our son is to close to 18 and too uncooperative.

As parents we agree that caffeine triggers rage fits and He has come home smelling of Marijuana before. His biological Dad also is a blame shifter and has a long history of violence and addictions that lead to prison time.

 

[mamachick]

There is a book called Tough Love that you might benefit from. My counselor told me that my daughter was likely borderline when she was 13 without ever meeting her, but from my accounts. This counselor was a no sugar coat kind of lady and told me the most likely road she would travel. She was head on. My daughter is now 36, diagnosed bi polar, borderline, ptsd.

At some point you have to save yourselves and your marriage. If he doesnt like the rules, he can move out while he is so smart and still knows it all. I am not implying your son has any diagnosis, just that his behavior is unacceptable. Nearly 18 is too old to be having temper tantrums. I had to accept that my daughters father and his father are all bi polar. I beat myself up awhile asking what I had done wrong and was told that some is just biological. She is now treated but I know she does not comply with meds. Seperating/distance is what I eventually had to do. My therapist would say to me regularly "have ya had enough yet". Eventually I did.

Im sorry you do not have other resources. I hope things get better, but you and your wife only have control of yourselves.

 

[Raj]

I am working on things on my own and really struggling with Idaho's mental health system and my rural location. Our son is Seventeen and a half going on forty-five! My wife is His biological mother I have been Dad for most of His life, yet due to some really weird bonding issues with grand parents before I met my wife He does not respect either one of us as parents.

We tried counseling at younger ages for lack of appropriate peer behaviors and sibling aggression, and teacher suspected ADD. We were blown off by the Psychologist saying it was just a phase. He even seems to have some Kleptomania regarding peer jealousy. We have observed a lot of stealing and denial then returning over a year later saying "OH, how did that get in my room"?

To us it seems we have the opposite problems parents who's kid are over diagnosed ADD instead of Doctors listening like they do for our Cerebral Palsy child they just say, "Oh a lot of boys are just hyper"! Discipline is not working here. Public school would not even be honest with us just about how out of hand some our son's behavior was. After we started home-school started we found out he was in the hall almost daily and to Him that was a Reward!

 

[rightkindofme]

If your kid is having those kind of rage issues and is 17.5 I would pull back. More authoritarian parenting from you will just increase your fighting. I wouldn't give him his way, but I wouldn't have many rules. I wouldn't care when he went to bed. I wouldn't care if he was late to work. I would let him know that he either has to start paying rent or move out at 18.

Boundaries! Boundaries are awesome. At that age range you have to let go. It's kind of weird that we try to keep them children as long as we do.

If you did a good job parenting he will go off and be a jerk for a few years then figure out you were right and come back. It happens a lot.