Afraid Of My Therapist - Is This A Flashback?

[Scandinavgirl]

So yesterday during my therapy, my therapist came a little closer physically than he normally does. Just a little, bending forward, trying to maintain eye-contact. Normally I dont get afraid, but I swear this time I got really frightened of his nearness. I wanted to run and remove myself from the situation - it was like I could not breathe for a second also.

Something similar also happened another time, when he used a lower range in his voice than usual. I got afraid and wanted him to talk normally again.

I did not say anything about this to him, because it is so weird. I do not recall any kind of sexual abuse, but I do fear that something has happened. All though I try not to think about it - because I am not sure. I am afraid that this is some kind of flashback? Or could it just be a fear of intimacy due to my emotional and physically abusive mother?

Just had to write this down - I can not make any sense of it.

 

[Panda Bear]

Or could it just be a fear of intimacy due to my emotional and physically abusive mother?

I've had similar fears, and have contact/touch issues. Which are from a number of types of abuse. Could be the same for you based on what you describe. When my therapist shifts in his chair or reaches for something, it can cause me to panic or feel very uneasy. If he stands, he always asks my permission first. He has a white board that he puts notes on or visuals of what we ar discussing.

Sometimes his tone of voice will shift and make me uneasy, at times I've asked him why he is talking the way he is. Or asked him to stop what he's doing.

So yes, it understand....

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

It's so hard to say. Maybe a flashback, but not to what you think it is? It took me years to understand that I react to people as if they were my mother - having flashbacks, but just to the emotional abuse, not to the sexual abuse (that others perpetrated). so, maybe a flashback. But not necessarily to sexual abuse (but maybe, only you know that).

 

[Scandinavgirl]

I've had similar fears, and have contact/touch issues. Which are from a number of types of abuse. Cou...

Hey..I think it is hard to say if this has something to do with my mother, but as you say - it could have. I think because my therapist is a male I should not react with this intense fear. I can sometimes feel that a hug or physical intimacy is a little awkward, but I don`t get afraid. Hard to say, but thank you for sharing though:)

 

[Scandinavgirl]

It's so hard to say. Maybe a flashback, but not to what you think it is? It took me years t...

Aha..yes, it could be that I react to him like he is my mother in some situations, but I really do not know. Thank you for answering:)

 

[Deleted member 35429]

I would definitely bring this up as he can probably help you understand it. I've had a lot of strange experiences with my therapist that I can only explain by calling it derealization/depersonalization. I think he just suddenly appears/sounds/ behaves in an unfamiliar way. I always feel so betrayed when he changes like that. Like I don't know him at all. He comes across very threatening or callous, but mostly strange and unfamiliar. It's not exactly a flashback for me but sort of. I had an odd trauma where I was isolated with a violent psychopath at a young age and developed a Stockholm syndrome for him. So for me, when I start to feel most connected to my therapist is when he seems to suddenly change, which mirrors my past abuse.

Try and journal about the patterns you see in therapy. It's really amazing the issues that can come up when in a therapeutic relationship.