Alcohol Doesn't Make People Cheat, Right?

[NicG]

I know it's kind of a "duh" question. Just looking for some support and/or validation.

My PTSD was caused by sexual assault, but the panic, flashbacks etc was all set off when I found out my partner (at the time) had cheated on me. We tried to work on it for a while but he'd just keep going out, getting drunk and messing around with other people. So I kicked him to the curb, so to speak.

Now I have another partner, it's quite recent and it's a guy I've been friends with for almost 10 years. We trust and respect each other a lot and I feel very safe with him. I've even already had the "I don't want to have sex too soon" conversation and he was fine with it.

BUT tonight he's out with friends. People I know and trust, but I know they're drinking. I was all good up until he actually went out, and then my brain went "HEY remember how alcohol = cheating with [ex-partner]????"

It's not that I don't trust him. I DEFINITELY trust him. It's just that while I was working on it with my jerk of an ex, that was the response my brain was trained into as a defence mechanism. Somebody tell me it's an irrational thought that just because he's having a few drinks means he'll cheat!!

 

[Rumors]

If you trusted him, you wouldn't be asking yourself this question. It is normal to question given your previous experience. Try talking to him about it and let him know your fears. The thing is, if he is going to cheat it would happen regardless. Since you now fear it, you have brought it into the relationship therefore you probably need to talk about it. Hang in there... To answer your question, no not everybody that drinks cheats. ;)

 

[RussH]

Alcohol does not make someone cheat, but it does reduce you inhibitions so that you might do things you would not do sober.

 

[shimmerz]

To answer your question, no not everybody that drinks cheats.

And not everybody who doesn't drink, doesn't cheat.

 

[Friday]

Yes. It's an irrational thought that drinking = cheating.

 

[Momofthree]

I know how you feel, this is an easy connection to make, especially since your ex made the connection in your mind to excuse his behavior. You already know it's irrational, you know the connection is all in you head and not reality. Just keep reminding yourself of that, and talk to him, tell him you didn't realize it was a trigger until he had already left to go out and that you trust him but triggers aren't rational and you need extra reassurance in this aria.

 

[Casey_03]

It's an irrational thought - but one that any person in your situation would have. At least most would, if they'd been betrayed in the past that way. At the same time though, unless you have valid reasons to think he's cheating, it's just fear and you trying to protect yourself. Us PTSD'ers know that feeling all too well, but I don't think you should give in to it. Rather, recognize it for what it is - an irrational thought that has come into your mind because you want to protect yourself from getting hurt again. Simple as that. Label it that way and try to discard it and move on. No sense in letting fear ruin your chance at happiness.

 

[moonbeam]

Drinking doesn't equal cheating. Drinking lowers your inhibitions but can't force someone to do something they don't already want to do.

I've never cheated. I've never wanted to cheat. I've drank a lot of alcohol and never cheated because I don't have the desire to sleep with other people. I have done some stupid shit while drunk but all of it was stuff I already wanted to do, the alcohol just removed the barrier. Hence why its sometimes called "Liquid Courage."

Your ex sounds like a douche. Its difficult when you have been betrayed but try to trust the new guy.

 

[anthony]

Somebody tell me it's an irrational thought that just because he's having a few drinks means he'll cheat!!

It is an irrational thought, yes. I go out drinking with the boys, been drunk as, have been hit on by women, and still don't cheat. Alcohol lowers inhibitions... which means if a person is prone to cheat, then when their inhibitions are lowered, that is what they do. Alcohol breaks away their remaining denial about being happy with the person they're with, being happy with who they are, and thus they cheat.

If the guy wants to be with you, and only you, then all the alcohol and temptation in the world won't change his stance on being faithful to your relationship.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Your ex sounds like n asshole, cheating on you by first chance, but that doesn't mean that the dude will cheat on you when drinking, though I see how the fear would become and persist, it's irrational. Alcohol by my view lets you see more of someones raw personality, their natural way of thinking.

If someone loves you to the core of their raw selves, they won't cheat.

Try to teach yourself to calm down and realize it's just panic, not something actually happening. What works for some is pampering themselves: "It's gonna be alright, everything is fine, nothing bad is going to happen". Helps many.

Well, gotta end it here, good luck and hugs if you accept :hug;

I have done some stupid shit while drunk but all of it was stuff I already wanted to do, the alcohol just removed the barrier. Hence why its sometimes called "Liquid Courage."

Doesn't have to be fully right, alcohol just seems to release the inner true personality often, for example on me, it's 'the sad, self analytic, depressed ball of human sitting in the corner crying' once I pass a certain level... But still, before full on drunk, there is te grest phasr which can be used to get over saying something.

 

[moonbeam]

Doesn't have to be fully right, alcohol just seems to release the inner true personality often, for example on me, it's 'the sad, self analytic, depressed ball of human sitting in the corner crying' once I pass a certain level... But still, before full on drunk, there is te grest phasr which can be used to get over saying something.

I had actually been thinking of Karaoke and Fire Breathing. Though I think I have used alcohol as courage to say something I couldn't while sober.