Almost Memories And Fear Of Flashbacks

[NovemberStar]

Feeling afraid and paralyzed with fear and anxiety because I know I am very close to having more memories. I am getting small glimpses of a memory - mainly it's strong emotional feelings associated with a brief image / sensation. In the past, these have always led to flashbacks and I'm really afraid because the emotions from these almost memories are leaving me feeling so awful. I really do not want to have the flashbacks from whatever memory is right there below the surface ;(.

I see my T on Friday. I'm counting down the hours. Seeing her is both the best thing and worst thing. The hour I am in her office I treasure - I am not alone with my pain and fear. But it always triggers up more memories / stuff to deal with. I feel like I endure the hours until our next session.

I just need to get through the next 3 days. Support and encouragement please - I just need to feel less alone, and to be reminded to 'stay in the now' and not try to pre-empt any feelings I might have once the memory / flashback comes through ;(

 

[arfie]

In my own, personal case, resistance is the difference between a memory and a flashback. If I relax with it, I can set it aside much more easily. Like a gnarly news report I can't get out of my head.

But that is me.

You are not alone, November. You can do this.

 

[zeckster81]

You are not alone! Your post described how I feel quite frequently. I see my therapist 2 x per week and cherish those times because I feel like someone understands

 

[greenleaf]

You are definitely not alone! Your post describes this week for me too. The feelings will not last forever, and you will see your T again soon. Can you do something nice for yourself today?

Do you get a sense of relief sometimes? I have been trying to figure out how the relief is connected to the feelings, if it's before or after or random.The memories are still very quick for me, like I'm reminding myself why an emotion is there, but don't really want to totally feel in the emotion.

 

[NovemberStar]

Thank you for your support everyone. Posting helped take away quite a bit of true fear and isolation - wish I'd done so earlier!

My whole life is centered around therapy - seeing my T. I notice that in the days after I see her (once a week, Fridays) I have more symptoms - dissociation, flashbacks, mood changes. It's as the session settles down and sinks in, I suppose. THen I have a couple of days of fear, and longing for FRiday to rock around again - I feel I am so far away form her - that Friday will take forever.

Then when it gets to today - Wednesday - I feel she is 'getting closer' again, and then I have more memories or flashbacks but they feel more 'ok' because I know I'm so close to seeing her again, and that if I 'fell apart' I only have a day or two to 'hang on' until I see her again.

I do my best to avoid any triggers but it's hard.

Think I'll start another thread on it.

 

[arfie]

Learning how to spot and accept my patterns was a big part of my own therapy. Sounds like you are building a good awareness on it. No, it is not easy, but it surely can be worth it. Be patient with the process.