Already Decided I Don't Want Marriage And Kids. Does Anyone Else Feel The Same?

[mytai]

@Echo, I think @Hashi was referring to one of your comments that you were certain I would be a good mother because I can care for my pets. If I'm reading it correctly I think that's what Hashi is referring to specifically (if I'm wrong I apologize).

@Hashi, you're right, just because we can provide adequate care for an animal doesn't mean we can for a human. Humans and animals have very different needs. An animal is ok if you just want to sleep the day away and cuddle them, as long as they have enough exercise and you provide them with food - that wouldn't be ok for a human, they would survive but they wouldn't be happy and content like an animal. Raising a child requires a lot more time, energy, and responsibility than a pet does.

 

[Echo]

@Hashi, I find your comments wilfully misconstrue what I said and intended, and you are putting words and thoughts in my mouth. You seem to presuppose that I don't agree with NovemberStar, for a start, when she made a subsequent point, adding to what I had said. I'm not prepared to discuss this any further, since it is derailing this thread, and it is 1am here and I have to go to bed. I'll leave you to it.

 

[Hashi]

I speak from my own 53 years' experience.

@mytai is right - I was responding to your seeming confidence about someone else, not about yourself. I don't know how you can be so sure about someone else's future parenting prospects.

 

[Echo]

@mytai - goodness me, that really is reducing what I said to the ridiculous. Hashi evidently didn't read my further comments after November Star posted. I would hope that might comments might be taken in the vein they were meant, which I explained in my later post in response to November Star.

 

[Hashi]

@mytai - whatever you decide to do about children is your affair and no-one else's. BUT (and it is a very big BUT), please do not believe that you would make a child feel unloved or unworthy or undeserving of your attention, or anything like that. Given the care and attention you give to your animals and other people, you would be exactly the opposite.

This is what I was responding to.

I'm not sure what you're responding to. I'm really confused.

 

[Echo]

Yes, @Hashi - perhaps you overlooked "please do not believe" - I was trying, as I have clearly explained, to ensure that mytai was not subscribing to what is a myth (that all abused children end up being abusers). Mytai has discussed this here and elsewhere and I based my comments on my knowledge of those discussions.

Perhaps you might also consider whether you can be so certain of another person's intentions when you arrive on a thread. I find your comments rather aggressive, as I am sure you realise by now.

 

[Hashi]

Echo, what you think is clear may not be.

I didn't say I was certain of your intentions, I said I was confused. I didn't say anything about you abusing anyone, and was bemused by your referring to this possibility. I only said " that doesn't necessarily anticipate how we would be". This was in response to your rather definite comment

Given the care and attention you give to your animals and other people, you would be exactly the opposite

Maybe you could check with me what I'm thinking or understanding before telling me I'm wilfully misconstruing things?

 

[TimeToHeal]

Hey, I have an idea! How about you guys (@Hashi and @Echo) move this debate/disagreement to the PM area, instead of taking over @mytai's thread!

(I mean no disrespect, but it does irritate me when commenters take over a thread when a disagreement or possible misunderstanding comes up).

 

[mytai]

@Echo, I think this was just a miscommunication between you and @Hashi. Tone isn't communicated well through the internet. It's clear that the intention of the comments wasn't read in the way it was meant to come across. I think we need to take a break from this.

 

[Echo]

@TimeToHeal - I have already said I have no wish to continue this discussion.

 

[Philippa]

I never told my family either mytai...for the same reasons. Now they aren't in the picture anymore anyway, so it's a moot point. My mother was in no rush to be a grandmother and actually requested I hold it off so she could have a life. My father was baffled the one and only time I did bring it up and couldn't understand why I wouldn't want a little mini me genetic copy running around. That's narcissists for you.

 

[ghotiff]

As I'm 40ish, I've seen friends with no back-issues who do want marriage and children but were finding it difficult...the pressure from others (eg well meaning friends and family) was overwhelming, and many of my friends were hurt by comments during this period. My point is, I recommend to keep this decision to yourself (except this forum, a few trusted friends, and obviously a fiancée). Otherwise you risk being put in a position to justify your decision to people who have no right to have an opinion on your life, let alone an understanding of you, your past and how important this decision is to you. I would like to spare you that pain.