Am I Expecting Too Much?

[butterflies]

I had a session on monday with my T. I expressed my hopelessness and continued telling her that i just want to disappear. I dont want to be here. There is NO space for me here. I see nothing but darkness.

she asked me if i was thinking about suicide..i did not reply. she asked me more questions and i said no. as to the plans and such.

she seemed concerned. she gave me the space to sit and think. I really appreciated her patience.
i walked out not feeling any better. just with the thought that she actually cares. she is there when i need to talk to her.

its been two days, i am still depressed and alone. My T hasnt even checked on me. I feel like maybe she doesnt care. out of sight. out of mind. if she was really concerned, she could ve have emailed/text or simply asked me to make another appt. this week. but she didnt.
was she genuine?
or was i gullible to believe her?
was she laughing at me , at my misery , at my hopelessness?
did she wish i didnt say the things i did..about wanting to disappear.?
did i make it hard for her? did i put her in awkward situation?

i dont know.

i thought i was not alone, My T is with me.
but now i feel alone.

why has my T not cared enough to reach out to me?
is that asking for too much?

it is difficult for me to reach to her, what do i say to her? i am having dark thoughts...so she can IP me. No thanks. i just want her here with me. i want her to listen without trying to solve this. its unsolvable for now. i need her to reach out to me. i need to feel she cares even after session, that her concern is still there.
has she thought about me since the session? has she wondered how i was coping?

sadly, it doesnt seem like it .

 

[Astrid_Shadow]

Maybe she's busy with other people? I know how it feels to be ignored and it really hurts. When times get really hard people see the worst in others. Especially people we trust. Like T's for example. "Is she ignoring me?" "Are my problems funny to her?" That's when you need to stand up and take the initiative to find out what's going on. Try to get a hold of your T one more time. I know you can pull through this.

 

[mamachick]

Butterfly I can relate to your hopelessness and wanting to disappear. I struggle with not belonging and think I understand how difficult it is where you are right now. You told T you are not suicidal with no plan and T evidently took your word. I am wondering if this is your first time seeing a T? I have read on this site about T and client emailing and such between appointments but that is not the usual, at least in US.

I don't think she is laughing at you and I do think that she does care. Often therapists are booked and would never have time to check on all clients between sessions. When is your next appointment? I would suggest calling the office and seeing if you can see her sooner if possible.
Did you discuss any strategies to help until next session? I know it is not the same, but how about the crisis hot line. Also this is a good site to reach out to others that will listen without judgement.

 

[Muted]

i walked out not feeling any better. just with the thought that she actually cares. she is there when i need to talk to her.

It sounds like even though your t couldn't take away your painful feelings that it gave you hope feeling like she actually cared and gave a damn, yet she didn't bother to pick up the phone...

As hard as it is to deal with, in the end we're just a 'job' to them. They enjoy the positive, but how invested are they when it comes to really holding your hand through the muck?

I wouldn't want that job, personally, yet my dentist has proven nine out of ten times more likely to call and check in on me than my t. I also can call or text my dentist day or night. I can assure you that my therapy has been a million more times painful than any trip to the dentist office.

Truly, I just think either I'm to dumb to 'get why' or t's in general are simply clueless to how it feels to undergo brain surgery and have their only option for assistance be an additional traumatic hospitalization in order to receive some outside assistance.

I don't share certain things and thoughts/plans with my t ( not that she's ever asked) because my option will be hell on the psych ward.

I'm sorry your t isn't there for you, but I assure you that your not alone in your feelings. Regardless of how your t is, we here do understand and care.

 

[mamachick]

I agree with Gia-therapist are doing their job and hopefully they do like their work.
My dentist office would be more likely to call too, but it would be the receptionist, not the dentist, and yet he is like a friend to our family.
I know I am playing "devils advocate" in saying this, but what do you think would happen if therapists called and checked on clients in between sessions. Lets face it, if the dentist or dr call, it would likely be brief. The therapist could not have their staff do the calling and if they called in person, they could be on the phone for an easy 20 minutes. It is really unlikely that a client would say "Im fine...see you next week"
If they work for an agency, they often have 30-35 client appointments per week. They have tons of paper work and billing. They have to attend trainings, etc. There are so many forms that the client never even knows about...For example, a client who has Medicaid requires an intake form that takes an hour to fill out. Then there are treatment plans, progress notes, consents, assessments, etc. They would have no life and not be any good for anyone. Taking care of themselves means setting those boundaries. If they are in private practice, they have to set a similar schedule to earn a living. It is like any other medical care but worse, as the pay is worse and hoops to jump through often worse, and not given the importance by others. Yet as hairy carry as their schedule may be, they attempt to have a calm attentive environment.

There are also liability issues will calling which is another entire issue.

It really sucks to suffer so much and feel that there is nobody reaching out. We do have do be self advocating...ask for help...
I hope you are able to call.

 

[Tinyflame]

I would wonder or fear many of the same questions.

But no, I don't think she'd be laughing at you.

:hug:

 

[mrsps]

You are not alone in how you are feeling. It is so hard to have to wait days/ a week for another appointment with T when things are so bad. When things are tough and I am in a bad space the person I want is my T because when I am with her I feel cared for and she is someone I trust. Unfortunately they cant be with us in all these times of need. If each client they see was having a bad week and they checked in on everyone they would most likely burn themselves out.
Please remember you T will care about you and they will most likely think of you and hope you are going ok.
Take care

 

[Deleted member 39840]

Great advices are given to you.
Take care

 

[digger]

its been two days, i am still depressed and alone. My T hasnt even checked on me. I feel like maybe she doesnt care. out of sight. out of mind. if she was really concerned, she could ve have emailed/text or simply asked me to make another appt. this week. but she didnt.

Did she say she was going to check on you before your next session with her? Did you ask her to? Does she usually contact you between sessions?

If the answer to these is no, then I think you're projecting a lot onto her. I don't think it has anything to do with her level of care or concern for you.

Not contacting you when that hasn't been agreed could simply be out of respect, some clients may feel that to be intrusive - preferring to try and keep therapy contained within sessions. Personally, as an example, I think it would make me really anxious if my T checked in on me between sessions if that hadn't been prearranged, especially if I'd just shared some big stuff with her. It would make it difficult for me to share big stuff in future as I'd then be worried about her worrying about me between sessions. A big part of the reason I can share SI stuff with her and tell her how badly depressed I am is that I know that she trusts me with it.

Bottom line, she isn't a mind reader. If you haven't told her that you're feeling that you need extra support and attention from her right now, you can't assume that she will know this. If you are feeling you need more from her, you need to tell her that so you can work something out between you that might meet that need.

The feelings that this has brought up for you would be really useful to bring to your next session with her.

 

[Suzetig]

As others have said, it sounds like you're looking for something from your T that isn't really her place.

While it is a job to her, that doesn't mean she doesn't care or thinks your issues are funny. It's just that in therapy everything usually happens between client and T in the room during session. It's important that she doesn't make you feel dependent on her, that she isn't your only source of support because she can't be there for you 24/7. And because part of the work in therapy is to learn how to be in close relationship with others who you can turn to for support so that you don't need to be in therapy forever.

It's hard, but I suspect the care you felt in session was real, but it's not her role to check you're ok.

 

[Butterflies]

Thank you everyone for your input.

I now understand that this is not the norm.

I cant reach out.

I am too embarassed.
I feel weak to see her again for 2nd appt. Like i cant survive without her.
What will she think n say?
Why r u here? How do you want me to help you.
I dont know how she can.

I miss her. Just want to be in her presence.

 

[butterflies]

I made the appt. the anxiety, the restlessness is getting to me.

thank u everyone once again