Am I, The Only One? - Easier To Write Rather Than Talk.

[therisa]

Thank you, Cherryblossom, I hadn't thought of that aspect, to this issue. Although, I do cringe, when I hear my words being read out loud to me, the therapist. Guess, that part of the self-shame issue.

Never thought, when I started this string, I would be getting such insightful responses, to which, I am grateful and thankful, to all, who have done so. Merci.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

First off, nobody is normal lol!

Just wanted to add my two cents if that's okay. For me, this falls under avoidance symptoms of PTSD. I would rather write online about my experiences. When I say it out loud to someone else in a therapeutic setting, more gets processed because I can hear myself say it. So yah, I do this as an avoidance symptom personally.

 

[therisa]

First off, nobody is normal lol!

So very true, StrongerNow, which I have to constantly remind myself. Especially, during the bouts, which I mentally shred myself, for being weak and useless.

...When I say it out loud to someone else in a therapeutic setting, more gets processed because I can hear myself say it. So yah, I do this as an avoidance symptom personally.

Myself, I am reliving the traumatic events, when I write my poetry. For I have, a long histoy of an inability to verbalizing my thoughts, with others. I can get more descriptive of my trauma, when I write about it, than I can talk about. I think, my disapproval of hearing someone reading my written work, is the fear that it's not good enough or worthy of their attention. A whole different kettle of fish, for another time and another string. But, thank you, StrongerNow, for sharing with this, with us.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

Oh I thought your original post was saying that you are finding it hard to open up to counselors and psychiatrists. I must've misunderstood. Haha I am always so quick to add my two cents to help. I guess I need to re-read things a few times!

In any case, do you blog? I would LOVE to read your written work. Poetry has helped me heal a lot--to read someone else's I mean. Well, if you want to share.

 

[therisa]

It's ok, StrongerNow. No harm was done. :) I have posted some of my poems here, in the trauma diary section, but the majority are on another site, elsewhere. Or in my Gmail account.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

Thanks I will go check it out :)

 

[twopenny]

I find writing things down much easier than talking.

Even if I go and see a doctor about something physical, I write a list and hand it to him / her, rather than talking about it.

I do have serious trust problems, admittedly, I already knew that before PTSD came up. Counselling and therapy sessions I had as a teenager usually consisted of several sessions of nothing being said at all.
The best psych I ever had (a peripatetic educational one, so she came to me) used to take me out and park at the seafront, facing the beach, and we'd just sit and watch the waves. If I wanted to talk that was fine, if not, that was fine too. She got that I don't talk to people I don't know (though I can write, as my intro testifies :p).

My problem now is that I can talk about it, I just don't feel anything.

So anyway, no, not just you.

 

[who am i kim]

I find I am unable to verbalise what I need to say so writing it down helps and then my P doc gets a response. :) She has encouraged me to do it and has no problem with it. When I gain enough trust and feel safe I am able to talk but still find it very hard. So I love it that I am allow to write things down.

 

[PurpleSurvivor]

I also find it easier to write than to talk. I haven't been able to find anyone I trust enough in real life yet, but I spend a lot of time on support chats.

It's harder for anyone I meet in real life to gain my trust since I tend to stop talking when I'm upset. That part is related to my past. I've once grabbed a paper to write on when I got sent to the school nurse after a panic attack in class, but a doctor was there as well and they just started arguing about what I meant. Anyone thought of handing that paper back to me so I could write an explanation? No, of course not.

 

[Leah123]

Does anyone else, find it's easier to write about their experiences, than talk with a counsellor or a psychairist?

I feel I've found the best of both worlds by finding a therapist I can work with online. I type up essays and post them for her, we do most of our sessions in live chat where we just type back and forth. I love it.

 

[therisa]

Thank you, everyone, for validating me. I thought, I was the odd one, here. I have too many memories that I can't talk about, without reviving those past memories, in flashbacks.