An inability to cry.

[The Albatross]

Rather frozen in the crying department here. In the last decade I can count probably less than 10 times, most of those being only a tear or two. Not because I haven't had anything to cry about either. I have.

I get stress tears though. The ones that squeeze out the outside of your eyes. Not as often, but I still do that.

There is an old Kansas song lyric that says something like, "in 25 years I have used all the tears in my eyes". I am like that I think. It took me a bit more than 25... around 40. But for the last 10-13 years... I'm full of feelings, but crying is something that just hasn't really come back.

 

[ashdawn8287]

I felt like I would loss control and wouldn't be able to stop crying if I decided to cry, I realize that is never the case. I always stop eventually. It is not a fun time to cry it hurts so damn much and I think that scared me a lot, I didn't want to subject myself to the pain. Now that I have cried over stuff I have never cried over I realize no matter what I am okay and people are actually very nice when you are crying. Bottom line I cried and I am safe. I have cried alone and got myself to sooth myself, I am okay. Just my experience.

 

[The Albatross]

I don't miss it much, frankly. I'm okay with resorting to my usual, stoicism.

It doesn't mean I don't feel. I do. It just means that somewhere down the line, I decided crying didn't make anything one whit better.

 

[ashdawn8287]

That is a very good perspective on handling things. :) I admire that.

 

[ajmbt]

I have odd crying issues. Sadness over losing loved ones, over my childhood, only serves to make me feel very heavy, I try to cry, but it doesn't happen.

I do cry, however, when I get angry or confused. Usually these are triggers.

 

[nomedic1]

I can't cry I have tried but my past stops me crying.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I feel embarrassed (and I hate feeling embarrassed) when I cry so I try my hardest not to find myself in situations where I might.

 

[reallydown]

I hardly ever cry...and even when I do, it's usually more a tearing up than full on crying...And I find it hard to cry over anything that is related to me. However, injustice, hungry kids etc. I am able to cry more freely...though still not often. or if I'm really, really pissed...

 

[TwoDee2ThreeDee]

@reallydown - same here - Sometimes I think it would feel really good to cry - but I can't. Makes me very intolerant at times of people who can and I don't mean to be.

 

[falling]

I find this topic very interesting. I have traumas related to my crying so I often cannot cry also. My Mother's favorite line would be-Why are you crying, I'll give you something to cry about. Then there are other times like in therapy when I cry not even realizing it. The tears come but I don't feel it. I don't feel anything. :(

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

See to my knowledge my trauma doesn't relate to me inability to cry - in so much as no one (to my recollection - still a lot of wholes) told me not to cry. What I did have to do was be very strong to not break and to not show anything to my abusers that they might further punish me for, but these were more like for hiding, fighting back or telling them that they were in the wrong.

I think part of the reason this concerns me is it follows in the same footsteps as the rest of my emotions - I can't externalise them in any way, which feels like not feeling them to their full extent or even recognising them as my own emotions. I think I'm not justified to have my own feelings, but I know that I am and my brain holds such power over me I can't disobey it. It feels like I'm disconnected with my sense of self permanently, but that that distance increases when I need it to decrease.

Also I'm pretty sure I need to take some time to mourn over everything I lost and to so many people, but I can't do that because I can't allow my self the compassion or to feel the emotions to do so, which means I'm pent up and all this negativity brews in me rather than being let go of. It feels unhealthy mentally and physically, like it is a physical toxin inside of me, I need to be rid of it and the only way of ejecting it from my body is by crying it out, but I don't physically have the ability to. I think I'm scared because if it's not in me, it will be out of me and maybe I'll hurt someone, or 'it' will - I know this will not happen, but it feels like it.

 

[gnirolockoob]

You're not alone :(