LittleBigFoot
Policy Enforcement
One day I want the happy home and picket fence.
Until then- no man measures up. Oh I have plenty of crushes, but as soon as they show interest in me? I hate them. Because how could they? Is it pity? Do they see the stamp on my forehead that says I’m the victim and they get their rocks off to it?
Especially if we get close enough for them to learn anything deeper about me then still have interest in me? I really f*cking hate them because in my head they equate to pedophiles because they *know* and want me anyway.
If they don’t want me? Then I definitely want to pursue them and I do. Doesn’t matter if I actually like the person or not. Most I don’t like at all, but I will do just about anything to sleep with them anyway. But once they agree? Not interested in pursuing any longer but do it anyway because now I feel obligated to fulfill my duty.
Then of course the sex happens and I generally hate them. But they feel like they’re on top of the world with how I actually treat them, they’ll never hear a complaint from me, I will make sure they feel like they are absolute kings.
At this point one of two things happens. Either i ghost them, or I push closer to them and share my story. Part of it anyway, no way in f*ck are any of them learning everything. Most are very supportive and actually have really decent responses. Inevitably, eventually, the conversation turns back to sex and I immediately loathe them. Despise them. Think they are obviously pedophiles who are getting off on my stories and pretending I’m a child when they’re with me. But I let things continue until I’m finally done and ghost.
There’s one who I haven’t quite ghosted because I still feel a sick sense of obligation to him and he by now knows more than most. So things stay status quo with us but I can’t think of an adequate word for the amount of anger and hate I hold towards him. Ironically he started as one of the only people who I was able to actually be present in the room with the entire time because he treated me that damn well. He still does. Calls me his favorite all the time. And everytime I think of him I’m so disgusted with him for still being here.
What the hell kind of wires got crossed?
Until then- no man measures up. Oh I have plenty of crushes, but as soon as they show interest in me? I hate them. Because how could they? Is it pity? Do they see the stamp on my forehead that says I’m the victim and they get their rocks off to it?
Especially if we get close enough for them to learn anything deeper about me then still have interest in me? I really f*cking hate them because in my head they equate to pedophiles because they *know* and want me anyway.
If they don’t want me? Then I definitely want to pursue them and I do. Doesn’t matter if I actually like the person or not. Most I don’t like at all, but I will do just about anything to sleep with them anyway. But once they agree? Not interested in pursuing any longer but do it anyway because now I feel obligated to fulfill my duty.
Then of course the sex happens and I generally hate them. But they feel like they’re on top of the world with how I actually treat them, they’ll never hear a complaint from me, I will make sure they feel like they are absolute kings.
At this point one of two things happens. Either i ghost them, or I push closer to them and share my story. Part of it anyway, no way in f*ck are any of them learning everything. Most are very supportive and actually have really decent responses. Inevitably, eventually, the conversation turns back to sex and I immediately loathe them. Despise them. Think they are obviously pedophiles who are getting off on my stories and pretending I’m a child when they’re with me. But I let things continue until I’m finally done and ghost.
There’s one who I haven’t quite ghosted because I still feel a sick sense of obligation to him and he by now knows more than most. So things stay status quo with us but I can’t think of an adequate word for the amount of anger and hate I hold towards him. Ironically he started as one of the only people who I was able to actually be present in the room with the entire time because he treated me that damn well. He still does. Calls me his favorite all the time. And everytime I think of him I’m so disgusted with him for still being here.
What the hell kind of wires got crossed?