Answering back with self criticism

[Meadowsweet]

I think seeing it as being self abuse is maybe a key that could help.

It is the voice of abusers, and mine sometimes even comes with the memory of individuals voices.

I really don't know why we call it an inner critic. We do need a critical voice to keep us in check sometimes. But I think there is a difference between constructive criticism and destructive abuse.

Angel2write, I was feeling defeated because my therapist made it sound like just coming up with more realistic views was all that was needed, like I should all be fixed. But I don't feel fixed. I feel more defeated than ever because I can't believe in that reality at the moment.

But reading the replies here, I think the expectation that it can be done in a single step is too high. But maybe lots of little baby steps will lead to the same place eventually.

 

[KP the nut]

I print off positive affirmations and keep them in a book.

My T always kept on at me to be kinder to myself and not to be so hard. It took a long time for the message to sink in. However I am convinced I only began to heal once I started to believe I was worthy of being loved and kind to myself.

Some days are a lot harder to follow that, but it is getting easier. I find affirmations on the internet and on the thread here. A couple of the ones I love are the ones below.

Just seeing them again has made my heart skip a beat.

 

[rowean]

angel - I have a real problem with self affirmations too - it always makes me think of Stewart Smiley from Saturdaynight Live. :)

I don't think, however, it is about being broken, although I feel like that as well. In fact I used that exact phrase in T last week.

It is about the fact we echo the messages we heard growing up (at least that is the case for me) and learning how to put reality into those messages and therefore changing them is really hard. I told my T last week that I could say all the right things but never actually believe what I am saying. She said that she thinks I can get there eventually. I hope so.

 

[intothelight]

For me to stop the negative self-talk, I had to become aware of it. It was so ingrained that it was as natural as breathing. It is something that I have spent the last five months really focusing on, and now I am able to go several days in a row, without being my greatest critic.

Really it is a matter of recognition and redirection. But I have a feeling it takes a long time for realistic or positive self appraisal to become natural.

 

[Eleanor]

It took a long time to MAKE those cognitive habits - it takes a while to undo them.

Thank you for reminding me about the "critical voice as small panic attack" Angel - I thought that one was brilliant and very helpful too, and then... forgot it. I hate it when I do that. Maybe I should write it on the fridge so I get reminded.

Rowean, I wish I had good advice about the tenure packet. I am supposed to go up for promotion (long story) and have put it off (with cause) for two years now :-(. I haven't a clue what to write for me, and I can't for the life of me figure out outside reviewers. I was smart and got help with the binder... (Which I still have to put together.) It is so anxiety provoking it is almost worth never getting promoted. :-( I know I HAVE to do it... but I don't see quite how I am going to...

 

[rowean]

Rowean, I wish I had good advice about the tenure packet.

It is a screwed up system in so many ways and incredibly stressful. We have also been playing musical Deans so it is hard to anticipate what will be looked at with any certainty.

I am giving myself 2 hour blocks to work on it everyday. And I made some good progress yesterday on re-working my CV to fit the new required format. I will no doubt put the letters/brag sheets off till the very last thing.

I just have to stop second guessing everything and work really hard to ignore the little voices that want me to minimize elements.

It is so anxiety provoking it is almost worth never getting promoted. :-( I know I HAVE to do it... but I don't see quite how I am going to...

I know exactly waht you mean.