Anxiety Driving Me To Insanity

[Bubba]

The last couple of days anxiety has hit me hard. I fell apart last night. I was trying to hold it in as long as I could. As soon as my daughter left - I just fell apart. I can't breathe and I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin. I just want to feel normal. I'm so tired of this s**t.

Today was better, but then now it's hitting me hard again. I try to do my breathing. I try to focus on other things. It's like it's driving my crazy. I feel like I am going insane.

I have no one to call. I know my family is getting tired of hearing how about it. So are my friends. So I just hold it all in and try to handle it on my own. But that's not obviously working either.

Just feel like hell...had to vent...

 

[^^FlyingSolo^^]

((((Bubba)))) Sorry you're having such a terrible time with this. What type of symptoms are you having?

Hugs xx

 

[Bubba]

Hey Solo - I can't breathe, I can't think, I can't concentrate...all I can do is cry. I just feel like I'm going crazy.

 

[Sheer Force of Will]

Bubba, I am so sorry you are going through this. And I am sorry that you feel like your loved ones are getting tired of you, but I just want to remind you that we are not! This is what we are here for, to listen when you need to vent. I know personally that you have done it for me on numerous occasions.

So by all means, scream it away here. I am here for you if you need me. You can always rant to me, if you want to PM me that is fine too. Just remember, we have all been there, so no one will hold it against you when you need to unload the cannons. Fire away.

 

[fairywings]

I hope you feel better soon.

 

[^^FlyingSolo^^]

I love what sheer force said to you! We are here for you. We understand this. It happens. Feel free to vent. You are not going crazy, you're having a very bad night.

We're listening and supporting you.

 

[Bubba]

You guys are so wonderful! I don't know if it's because I've had some contact with my H these last couple of days. He's been texting me and emailing me. I've emailed him back for the last time trying to explain things - but I don't think he's getting it.

And to make it worse, he has the pink slip to my car (it's in his name) and I keep trying to get it from him. He says he'll give it to me but I don't know when. The car needs new tires, which I can't afford and it makes me nervous driving it 2 miles down a dirt road to work with the horse rescue twice a week.

I've explained to him that I need to sell it so that I can get a little truck. I explained to him that I need the therapy of working with the horses. My T says I definitely need to keep doing it.

So he's said I can have it. He's texted me yesterday and told me that he has an idea for the car - but he didn't tell me what. I can't seem to get him to answer me. I just want that pink slip so I can do what I need to do. Now he wants to tell me on the phone. I'm afraid to talk to him, but I need that f***ing pink slip.

Maybe if I talk to him when I'm messed up like i am now - he'll get it. Maybe if he hears me at the end of my rope - he'll be quick and leave me alone.

I'm just so sick of not being able to breathe.

 

[^^FlyingSolo^^]

I see why you're so upset. Basically your health and stability depends on selling that car to get a truck so you can keep doing the one thing that helps you, by volunteering with the horses.

It kinda sounds like he's going to accommodate you, but it's hard to tell. It depends on what his personalty is like. Does he try to cause trouble for you? Or is he a good guy that tries to help?

If you do get a truck make sure it's in your name. Having your transportation in someone elses name is too frustrating. I would be an absolute basket case.

I kinda agree that if he hears you in this condition he will know how much of a problem it is.

I would start looking for a truck for the price you can get for the car. You'll be one step closer. Then you can say you found a truck.

 

[Sheer Force of Will]

For not being able to breathe, in those desperate panic situations, the only thing that has ever worked for me is drinking ICE cold water, or eating ice cream or a popcicle. It has something to do with the cold reducing inflamation after working your lungs so hard with the crying, and the eating aspect forcing you to control your air flow. It works for me.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

(((Bubba))) No wonder you are having anxiety...your husband is triggering you. You are depending on him and lately he has proved himself very unreliable. It is a crazymaking situation. I do not think he will ever understand you, I do not think he is capable.

He seems to be calling the shots. First he took your share of the taxes, then he was talking to girls, and now he wants to talk to you on the phone and has an idea for your car. I think you would not have all of this anxiety is you did not have to deal with him. I am so sorry you are going through this.

I do not think he is capable of understanding you. I think he has his own agenda for you and he is not saying what that is.

I think you need to vent and rant and make yourself feel better. We are not sick of you. We are here to support you. I am tired of your husband and the games he is playing with your mind and heart and soul.

You have been trying so hard, you have been working so hard on yourself and you have the horses now and you were starting to feel alittle better, and now this. This is part of his pattern. I think he is calling the shots. No wonder you have so much anxiety. You need space from this guy and yet you have to depend on him for a few things. And he is a handful.

He has a idea for your car. I am so sorry it is in his name. I am afraid you will be going through some things with him until you can detach from him totally. He seems to be the source of grief for you. The source of your anxiety too. You are not going crazy, you are in a very crazymaking situation.

I am so sorry you have to go through this with him. I think the sooner you detach from him the better you will feel. I am so glad you do not live with him anymore. It would be way worse. I hope you are breathing and listening to your guided imagery. I hope you call your therapist for some help through this crises.

Sorry I cannot be more helpful. My heart goes out to you. I will be so glad when you do not have to have anymore to do with him. He has been calling the shots for a long time now. I wonder what he really wants?

big hugs and prayers Bubba. Hang in there and do not give up. I think it is time to set some boundries and limits on this guy for your own sanity. Geez, it makes me mad him messing with you like this. GRRRRRRRRRRRR:mad::mad::mad:

 

[Bubba]

Oh Gizmo...I wish you were here to let him have it :-). I did end up talking to him. His bright idea was to list the car and put both of our numbers so that if someone wants to buy it, he can come over and sign it over to them. That way I don't have to pay registration fees nor wait the time necessary to get the pink slip in my name.

He did, however, mention that with some new tires, I should be able to drive on that road just fine. He says the car is in excellent shape. He'd rather see me drive that than an older truck that may end up having issues.

So - this is what I'm thinking. I told him I will get new tires, but I still want the car in my name ASAP. That way if I want to do something with it (like trade it in) - I can. But in the mean time with new tires, I will feel better driving on that road.

While talking to him - he started down the path of questioning me about my actions, etc... I ended up completely disassociating. He ended up hanging up because I couldn't respond. I came to at some point. Took some Ativan and a sleeping pill and went to bed. Bad nightmares last night. I'm emotionally exhausted today.

I did end up calling my mom. She's been really supportive lately (which is weird - but I might as well take advantage of it while I have it). She was good. Lately, I've felt that she's getting tired of hearing how bad I am. I get this feeling that she just wants me to be "over" it all. But I had to call someone and she was actually pretty supportive. I called her before I talked to him. So talking to him threw me off the emotional edge. Oh well...

Just so wiped out. Can't wait to get thru the day and get home. I need some much needed isolation and quiet. Thank goodness my daughter is working tonight.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Oh Bubba I am so glad you got it taken care of and called your mom and she was supportive. I hate it when people get tired and want you to get over it.

I am sorry you had the nightmares. I hope the anxiety is down today now that the wheels are rolling on the car.

I hope you take some quality time for yourself and take good care of yourself. You need a break from all of the anxiety. Hugs