Bees Are Awesome
Silver Member
I am so f'ing tired of anxiety and fear. I get anxiety over things that others find to be trivial.
Case in point: Today my child care provider told me she was closing as of August 15 because of getting into a program in college. She has watched my kids for the past 3 years. My two toddlers go two days a week or more often as necessary. This allows me to go to therapy, doctor's appointments, etc along with giving me some time to clean and organize the house. It also allows my kids to have socialization with other kids and a chance to get out of the house. One of the biggest reasons they go, however, is the fact that I need that break during the week. I am working hard in therapy but managing my anxiety, hyper vigilance and other symptoms is a struggle.
My husband and one friend I told were just nonchalant about the whole thing, like it was just so easy to find someone else to watch the kids. Me, on the other hand, panicked and cried about it. I have such a struggle with change. My mind immediately got spun up about the 'what ifs' and 'hows' of finding a new child care provider. And, of course, my brain goes right to the worst case scenarios of everything and I think about horrible things that have nearly no chance of ever happening.
I was physically abused by a child care worker when I was little so right away I think of the safety and welfare of my kids at the hands of someone I entrusted their care to. Then, selfishly, I think of how this will impact me. It makes me anxious just thinking about how I am going to have to go to unfamiliar places and talk to and interact properly with unfamiliar people. I could go on and on but I guess what I am asking is...
Am I being ridiculous? Does anyone else have insane anxiety over seemingly "trivial" matters? Is it hard for anyone else to deal with change? I think the reactions from the two people I told are really making me feel foolish and stupid and I'm struggling tonight. Thanks for reading.
Case in point: Today my child care provider told me she was closing as of August 15 because of getting into a program in college. She has watched my kids for the past 3 years. My two toddlers go two days a week or more often as necessary. This allows me to go to therapy, doctor's appointments, etc along with giving me some time to clean and organize the house. It also allows my kids to have socialization with other kids and a chance to get out of the house. One of the biggest reasons they go, however, is the fact that I need that break during the week. I am working hard in therapy but managing my anxiety, hyper vigilance and other symptoms is a struggle.
My husband and one friend I told were just nonchalant about the whole thing, like it was just so easy to find someone else to watch the kids. Me, on the other hand, panicked and cried about it. I have such a struggle with change. My mind immediately got spun up about the 'what ifs' and 'hows' of finding a new child care provider. And, of course, my brain goes right to the worst case scenarios of everything and I think about horrible things that have nearly no chance of ever happening.
I was physically abused by a child care worker when I was little so right away I think of the safety and welfare of my kids at the hands of someone I entrusted their care to. Then, selfishly, I think of how this will impact me. It makes me anxious just thinking about how I am going to have to go to unfamiliar places and talk to and interact properly with unfamiliar people. I could go on and on but I guess what I am asking is...
Am I being ridiculous? Does anyone else have insane anxiety over seemingly "trivial" matters? Is it hard for anyone else to deal with change? I think the reactions from the two people I told are really making me feel foolish and stupid and I'm struggling tonight. Thanks for reading.
