Dear Springer, you are so very kind! Thank you so much. It does feel stupid and deserving of blame (not sure how to say it) to say it's that bad, but it's actually honest. Trampolines- how dear you are, :inlove: :hug:. Thank you.
Brat, yes I suppose you are right, well I am sure you are. And it reminds me of the things I used to do or that de-escalated some of the pressure. And it reminds me, also, that when my sister is going through what she is/ has, it adds a lot of stress on me. Not her fault, but I mean I say it just in that to remind myself of that. We were very close, she may reconcile with her SO- who knows, they're at this point meeting saturday, that makes it easier on me, if she/ they are happy. We no longer have even one day off the same, so we are likely skipping Thanksgiving and such. But I can bear more (and more easily) my own struggles or disappointments, or health, or whatever, when she is happy and doing her own thing. I'm not sure if that makes sense, hard to find the words.
I think you are right about T, but beyond the cost I can't see myself opening up to some stranger, and it would take forever. However, that doesn't mean it 'never'' will be, and getting through each day I suppose is some sort of accomplishment of sorts. To add more of the 'good' things back. Hard though, like you said, with isolation and stuff. Well, you know, seems least possible/ desiring/ able/ deserving to connect with others, mostly the S 'crap'. :hug: You are so sweet and kind.
