Any Practical Suggestions? Work, Exhaustion, Spontaneous Si, At The End Of My Rope

[Tinyflame]

Hee, a file of marsupials, hee! :p

PS, wow... those kangaroos are HUGE, lol.

:hug: to you!

PS, wow, also never thought of it as beautiful yikes. But even someone liked Picasso's works, lol. :eek::) (((((((((Springer)))))))), thank you.

 

[Tinyflame]

I guess it's just hard to not give up, really. The core problem.

((((((((Big hugs)))))))

 

[p-no]

Sometimes it is, dear Junebug.

Love :inlove:

p-no

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes p-no, and I think it's no wonder people think sometimes someone with ptsd is lazy, or doesn't care, or is unmotivated, etc. Because I find that even in better moments, that is when the SI threat is manageable, at least temporarily, even if I feel better or make plans (those that are not mandatory), I won't carry through. On second thought there seems to be no point, that it's for the best. The more I don't, the more I won't, ever, until it's just cut out of my life. Been that way a long time, I think, even other times.

Like for example, I missed a great friend's party in the summer. When I was slow to get back to him, as time goes on I've also stopped e-mailing altogether, and almost the friendship doesn't 'exist' any more (in my mind). And I'm sort of ~ok with it, like it's just a 'fact', or inevitable. Yet we've been great friends about 11 years, and never one negative thing between us. :confused:

((((((Big Hugs, xoxox))))))

(Springer, PS- Good luck at the family function.)

 

[Springer80]

(Springer, PS- Good luck at the family function.)

Thanks JB, I'm checking my chain-mail as we speak!!! ;) ((((((((((((((:hug:)))))))))))))))

 

[BloomInWinter]

(((((Junebug)))))

 

[Tinyflame]

(((((Dear Bloom)))), (((((Springer))))), ((((((All))))

Well, it's occurred to me that maybe I just have to accept the ptsd has me beat at this point in my life.

But I heard something odd thursday; an employee (not directly the same job but apparently under much stress), working in one of the facilities I used to, just committed S a short time ago, at work, too. I did not know her personally, a young girl in her early 20's. Beyond the obvious awful pain of that, I thought there is no doubt the stress this has brought on many. That is a truism, also. Not just my own lack of abilities to cope.

I thought even, 'purpose' isn't exactly the word. It's somewhere to learn how to have an ability to internally accept or believe I am entitled to be on the planet. Or, at least to accept life on it's terms (whatever they may be), with sufficient strength to be able to if not feel or accept that at least ignore it enough to give more than take, to not be toxic or a human ticking time-bomb.

Because oddly enough, there are times I can still see the beauty in each flower petal. It's just that the journey- "life"- doesn't make much sense. I can only suspect it's about how much I give, or maybe giving what I need, as opposed to searching for a peace that may never be in the cards for me. I mean, everyone is different. In my case, the more I think about it the less I understand.

 

[BloomInWinter]

I get that about accepting that peace isn't looking like it's ever to be a part of my journey.

But...time has proven me wrong before.

I am also struggling with this. My T. said 'there is NO way possible to end one's life without leaving behind many traumatized people who will struggle to stop believing it's their fault.'

...and that's what's my closed door. Because I don't want my kids and others in my life - however few there are - living with this from me.

We may not be able to 'be fixed' but we can have our suffering eased. I do believe that's possible.

What's causing the worst emotional pain for you right now? What's the thought?

The one in my head right now is 'I have no friends.' Which, is true unless I accept that a few waves hello 'friendship.' But then I think of all the times I have turned down invitations to events & activities where someone might get a chance to know me...and me, them...and I think that if I can decrease my agoraphobia (at least, sometimes) I just might increase my chances of changing this.

I hope so, anyway. That small thing might just make a huge difference for me.

What one thing might help make the darkness more tolerable?

If I could take your hand and pull you out, I would. But since I can't, I hope you can feel like you're not alone in that darkness.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear dear Bloom. :hug:

I heard a story once, a ~church thing but that's irrelevant, as I think it is the same.

"A man was put in prison- a terrible dark, dungeon. His father, brother, friend all went to the jailer and begged for his release, to no avail, wouldn't let him out. Then his mother went, and said 'Let me in' ".

Thank you Bloom, that's what you have done and are doing, and p-no, Springer, MO and Gizmo too. ((((((((Dear All)))))). Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I don't derserve it, but I surely treasure it and thank you all. :inlove::hug:

 

[p-no]

That's a wonderful story, Junebug. I love it as it displays true love the way I perceive it. Thanks for sharing.

I was about to click "Like" but then I read "I don't deserve it" and couldn't.

You do deserve it, dear. I know though, I understand.

:inlove:

 

[Tinyflame]

(((((((Dear p-no, xox)))))))). You are Very very kind. :hug::inlove:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

(((JB))) I am thinking of you and rooting you on from afar. I am sending you healing energy. It will be ok. I do not know when or how, but I know you will be ok. We do not know what good lies around the corner for us. Big hugs.