Anyone Here That Can Comment On Anger Management?

[user27357]

I am currently taking some time away from my long term counselor and seeing someone about anger management specifically. I know that my anger is from deep and harmful levels of frustration coming from every angle in my life. I know that my frustration is the result of my disorder and the things that happened that caused me to fall into PTSD. Anger management is like treating the symptoms of the disease rather than the disease, but hey, I am dying of the symptoms and the disease all the same so what difference does it make in the end?

You can down mylanta and pepto bismol 24/7 and maybe learn to live with the symptoms of an ulcer or you can go and get the ulcer treated professionally- my point is that unless you use the pepto and the mylanta to make the symptoms bearable, waiting for the cure is going to be intolerable.

My anger is tearing me apart from the inside out. High blood pressure, body aches, inability to concentrate, low energy- but probably early heart disease or a stroke or heart attack if it continues on. Waiting for a cure for my frustration levels is not an option. Treating the symptoms is a way to survive for now with my PTSD. That is my motivation for anger management.

My therapist (for the anger management) is used to patients that are referred by court order or as part of a couples therapy I think. He tries to motivate me by telling me that the goal is to get along with people better and have more friends and better relationships in general. Although he may be right, a healthy happy person probably does have more friends and better relationships or at least is motivated to have them, this approach does nothing for me. I am so far past the point where I thought I wanted to trust people again that it seems like trying to trust or wanting friends at all is counterproductive. If the measure of my success is the improvement in my relationships with the people I am forced to be around, we will fail, guaranteed.

The only measure of success I want to use is how well I can divert my frustration away from becoming anger, and how much anger I can channel away from outward expression (and not into inward destruction).

Has anyone here gone to anger management training?
For similar reasons?
With a therapist that used similar measurements or attempts to motivate you?

What happens if it turns out that my anger is justified and not curable, just manageable? What is the pepto bismol (mylanta-tums-alka seltzer- whatever the stomach pain medicine is where you are at in this world) for that ulcer and where did you get yours?

Just to save some time, I cannot remove myself from the sources of my frustration without divorce, quitting a thirty year career and moving from a home that I built and love but has neighbors from hell and is located in a town with no shame. I don't want to do any of those things. Well, maybe I do, but I can't. I just can't. Suggesting the obvious is a waste of your typing skills. Sorry.

 

[Friday]

Dealing With Anger

^^^^
This

 

[Freedomfighter]

Dealing with anger issues is frustrating, even though anger is justified it actually hurts the patient. Town of no shame, yep got that right, worse than monkeys in the zoo. People in general are going down the evolution scale in a hurry.

I know that I am a lot happier without the people (trash really) that would only make my life an even worse hell.

I have seen so much prostitution problems in our area and even after reporting it to the Mayor nothing was done. I am being threatened by neighbors in my apartment complex that someone with a gun may walk by my apartment one day and whoops might have an accident.
Prostitute living in the unit below me, her client living right across from my unit, both threatening my life. People stop at nothing anymore.
The filth is unbelievable, that such people call themselves human in any way is a far stretch by the imagination of the mind.

I think it would be wise for some therapists to understand that while 20 years ago it was feasible to have friends without fearing for your life that is not the case anymore.

The pieces of shit that I am forced to work with and live with disgust me to the highest degree.....

So I can commiserate with your situation quite well.

I don't blow up but do have a lot of anger towards trashy people, the disgust of such people is sky high......

 

[Sunshineturtle]

I am currently taking some time away from my long term counselor and seeing someone about anger manageme...

So.... anger management is usually recommended for those who are impulsive and cannot control their anger. It usually focuses on learning to control those compulsive and impulsive angry outbursts because you can't..basically giving you tools andvunderstanding to do so. Why you do it. How to control it... etc. It sounds like, and I could be wrong, you already know why. Possibly know how. The issue appears to be ptsd. The therapist, may serve you better helping you cope with exactly what you just asked, how to live with the people who hurt you, in the same town, etc, until you can, or are willing to, or both, make the leap of faith change... and, treat the cause of the anger. You are right, treating symptoms will not help. Treating the cause will. Anger is also, at times a manifestation of fear. Fear of... fill in the blank... so fear of that person hurting you in the same way ? Something to work on with your therapist. Stay safe.

 

[user27357]

So.... anger management is usually recommended for those who are impulsive and cannot control their anger.

Actually, I requested this. My long term T isn't able to shed much more light on the subject so I suggested we find a more experienced person. I have a thirty year career in a very frustrating and at times abusive and hostile environment, do you think I can't control my anger? I am the poster child for control, but I have to control so damn much of it. Thats my point. Anger management is just a term, it implies a lack of management but I am really looking for BETTER management I guess.

 

[Sunshineturtle]

This is something I do for a living so... either 1. You need something more intensive than anger management, or 2. If there are underlying issues, those need to be resolved. If you already have control, anger MANAGEMENT is NOT appropriate. Anger management is for someone who lacks impulse control and cannot control their angry outbursts. If you have so much anger, as you are saying there is an underlying cause that needs to be addressed and if you are losing the battle because there is so much and acting out, then that is also an issue. We have a class here that is much longer than the standard anger management called anger violence intervention program. That is something to look into in your area.

 

[user27357]

This is something I do for a living so... either 1. You need something more intensive than anger...

Yep. I need intensive treatment for my underlying condition. PTSD.

My frustration is the background noise of my life since about age 11 when I was the victim of a cult that overtook my family and changed my life forever. I have been playing a game of chess with my frustration and anger and resentment of oppressive authority and abuse of power ever since. I trust no one. And I respect only those that earn it, few have. I love my wife and there is no violence, but what would be a normal level of frustration in most 35 year marriages is bordering on utter hopelessness and bang your head against the wall levels of numbing frustration in my PTSD tornado.

Some of us here need to find the strength to go out in public after their trauma. Some of us are having a hard time being alive after witnessing too many deaths and need strength just to find their place in society again. Others need strength to find a life after being abused and damaged as children or as adults.

I need strength to carry the weight of over fourty years of feeling robbed and wronged. I shouldn't have had to endure the things I have endured because they were ethically and morally and often legally wrong. And I am angry about it. Really angry. The kind of anger that tears up your arteries, not the normal run of the mill anger that punches holes in walls and gets you thrown out of bars or arrested for domestic violence.

I think the anger violence intervention class you speak of would just be a longer trip down the wrong road than the one I think I am already on.

 

[user27357]

Dealing With Anger

^^^^
This[/Q...

yeah, been down that road too. I am experiencing a justifiable emotion I am calling anger but it is really loss and grief and fear. And some self-blaming mixed in. Anthony summarized about twenty years worth of hour long sessions fairly well, and I can grasp almost all of it.

Trouble is, I am me, and my "Lizard Brain" (cerebral cortex) thinks about fight or flight and not much else. And it sends strong messages from the interior out to my "Me" brain that say "GET ANGRY AND STOP THE FEAR" that I am unable to just ignore no matter how well I understand that ignoring them is my best move.

So how do you just wake up one day and go whistling merrily on your way like the last 4 decades of abuse and resentment of abuse never happened? This is bordering on radical acceptance. Empathy, Zen level ability to see an attacker objectively......It's OK, I was put here to be raised by narcissistic religious zealots because narcissistic religious zealots need objects to aim their abuse at. And coworkers that could be sued for slander or creating a hostile workplace are just a part of not being able to define and attain my own goals and needs, right?

Hoo boy. I am feeling an emotion that has been keeping the oppressed fighting for freedom and the abused standing up to their abusers for the history of man, life itself really.

I am just tired of feeling so much of it for so long and not being able to do much with it but try to dissuade myself from it through ALL of the techniques I have been presented with by so so many therapists.

Distraction works, but I am running out of kids to raise and houses to build and careers to maintain.

I need a better way to manage what I can't seem to avoid, ignore, reason away or radically accept.

 

[user27357]

(cerebral cortex)

Wrong! is it cerebellum? my memory centers fail me, it is dark and I should sleep......

 

[Sunshineturtle]

Soooo, anger is usually fear .. fear of loss of control or no control... I understand abuse, childhood, adult, ritual, domestic violence, and the PTSD diagnosis not because of my job, (only), but because I suffered through decades of it and as a result have DID. Just figured that out this year FYI. I get the no trust, I don't trust anyone either. It sucks to live life like that, but... I understand being angry. We have a a right to BE angry. We were robbed. Robbed of a childhood, of live, of safety. The thing is this. That anger is fear based. Yes, it's anger about the obvious, but look deeper. At least for me, it's about not wanting anyone, ever to have that kind of control again. The fear of what could happen again if.... the fear of the flashbacks of memory. That is my experience. So , my 2 cents, concentration would be the PTSD stuff. Cause not symptom. As to the domestic violence with your wife that you mentioned wasn't happening, I hope not. I really hope that you are not using any controlling emotional stuff with her. DV is not only physical. We all know that right?

 

[R1Nurse]

Therapists and everyone can give you all the advice and recommendations in the world but not everyone is "textbook" and advice are like assholes-everyone has one.

But just like assholes, no two are exactly alike and only you know what your asshole looks like and what it likes and doesn't like.

Figure out what works for you-you cannot be angry 24/7 so something is making you nonangry at times.

And making new friends or being more sociable is not going to help, if anything more people are going to piss you off and you will be angrier.

So basically if you cannot remove the stressors in your life at least make them tolerable or release your stress/tension some other way so it's not bottled up inside or stop giving a f$*!-don't sweat the small stuff, if it's not killing you or your family do not waste your energy, health or time in it, he, she or they.

And if you do get angry it is okay, it's not the end of the world as long as you don't hurt yourself or others. Anger is an emotion everyone has them-It's a normal human emotion!

And you were right the first time-Your "Lizard Brain" is located in the cerebral cortex of your brain in the temporal lobe. But more areas of the brain help with the fight or flight:

Well I cannot post websites so search, "Huffpost Fight or Flight: Who runs your life", it's a good read.

 

[The Albatross]

Radical acceptance and/or learning/acquiring emotional regulation tools and skill sets? The correct use of anger is motivation for change... in some cases personally... I can't change my circumstances or the situations but I can, with effort and some study endeavor to change the way I think/perceive and feel about it.

Good solid topic, hope to see some good discussion here.

P.S. In my case - the anger was absolutely justified for multiple situations... however it was giving me an ulcer, substance abuse difficulties, robbing me of peace/calm if not contentment (never actually got to the point where I could feel "contented" with a situation that was causing myself stress though with effort could do the former two reasonably reliably). Guess my philosophy was sort of like, when presented with circumstances you can't or won't effect a change on, with people/personalities who are difficult/unsettling/disturbing/upsetting... what do ya do? To me it was obviously, change the way I perceive and think and feel about it unless or until I get to a deal breaker (either for the relationship or the "deal" I made with myself) and the pain of staying the same exceeds the fear/stress/anxiety of taking action and initiating change.