Apartment pipes issue and going into full hypervigilant mode right now...

[SeekingAfrica]

So I was having my first stable month-day really for a while. After holidays so less triggers, finally stable income. For a first time in 2 years I allowed myself to buy myself something that isn't bills, rent, food or immediate need after those(falling apart shoes when having no other for example). So for a first time in months I felt safe and relaxed and allowed myself to do and plan things beyond the scope of just surviving...and it was as if someone was thinking 'ya feel better, well prove it'.- There was a leak in our neighbours bathroom under us. Which now goes under 'needs to be checked that it may come from us even though everything here is dry- hence we can't use water in any form in the bathroom until tomorrow noon(so 15-16 hours). WC aside and shower needs aside the other thing that calms me in panic is hot shower.

I feel like I am doing really crappy at life right now. Because see, for everyone else it goes in 'crisis mode-oh my god what is happening- we have called someone to come in the morning- we won't think of it until then' kind of way. So for them all the commotion is over faster. Me however, I go into panic-can't think straight mode-everything is too bright/loud/intrusive mode and shut down to any tasks unrelated to the crisis and I'm in full hyper mode for the next day(or days, depends on my general stress level and how severe the objective issue is). It's not so much the crisis itself- I am even lately better and better at answering practical questions of 'what now' in different life issues that have been happening lately. It's more the state of 5-6 adults all freaking out and being angry/frustrated/panicky until they decide what is next. So for them that is over, but for me all that frustrated energy ends up in a knot in my stomach that does not release simply because they have found a solution in the near future. For them it's over, for me all that frustrations for so many people have triggered something and I am all ...hyperawake.

And I have a full schedule and especially tomorrow was supposed to be heavy on work...but I work from home which means until this issue is done I am also in frustration mode. And can I go to work in cafe or something- well yes, indeed. Except my roommate is out for work in the morning so I need to be at home for my landlord to come and resolve the issue. Which is great for finding resolution on the practical side of things but also means I can't 'flee' the situation and I feel stuck like I'm holding my breath until this is resolved. This usually results in multiple walks, emotional eating and hot showers... Which leaves emotional eating, but I just bought new pointe shoes since mine were dead and I had made promise to myself to be healthier. Tomorrow was supposed to be my chill work/do house chores/cook day and now I am ALL on edge. This must seem so incredibly minor, but it's so incredibly frustrating.
I panicked and after the whole deciding what happens next was over went out to go to the nearest shop/mall which is luckily 5min walk from home... to realize I was about half hour too late and it was all closed. And instead of going to sleep at my normal hour I am making lists of things that will probably be inconsequential later on(like obsessive lists of things that would have been useful to have in such crisis like dry shampoo cause my hair is awful and it was supposed to be the first thing I do when I wake tomorrow..). So yeah. Sorry. Maybe I am a bit in panic frustration mode still. I know this should be over soon and in theory my work or schedule won't suffer. But I know in practice that there will be a fall out- that after I finally get out of panic state I get huge fatigue crash almost to exhaustion/dissociation point sometimes and I need an afternoon to snap out of it. So anticipating that some plans will need to be shifted or moved forward in time. I lost most of December to holiday triggers and back injury. And I was finally feeling like I was getting up on my feet and this is hitting me super hard to be honest, the need to sleep 24 hours and plan a zillion things and process and reschedule certain events and see what is priority for my health and mind state kind of hard. SO frustrated with my mind right now. I'm so so sorry for posting this, I just feel so low...

 

[blackemerald1]

hence we can't use water in any form in the bathroom until tomorrow noon(so 15-16 hours). WC aside and shower needs aside

I'm confused you cannot use the bathroom except for the toilet and the shower? But maybe not hot showers?

Your landlord is coming to fix the issue late tomorrow morning so that's really good!!
If it is a landlord issue you will not be obliged to pay for anything so that doesn't impact your budget does it? So that's really good!!

I agree that when utilities go wrong it's frustrating. But you don't have to do anything but wait for it to be fixed so that's really good!!

You have other coping strategies? Yank them out and use them. This is a good time to stretch your muscles and put these tools to good use. It's useful to build up lots of different ways of dealing with stress.

You can still keep to your stay healthy promise.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

I'm confused you cannot use the bathroom except for the toilet and the shower? But maybe not hot showers?

Your landlord is coming to fix the issue late tomorrow morning so that's really good!!
If it is a landlord issue you will not be obliged to pay for anything so that doesn't impact your budget does it? So that's really good!!

I agree that when utilities go wrong it's frustrating. But you don't have to do anything but wait for it to be fixed so that's really good!!

You have other coping strategies? Yank them out and use them. .

Thanks for writing! It is morning now, so he has to come in the next few hours. And I suppose if I get too frustrated I can ask him if he's coming in the next hour and if not go to the store in the meantime(which is also in mini-mall so there is WC there). Yes, absolutely I can use other skills, it's just that when I'm panicking I automatically go to my most used ones and I was majorly panicking. I will make a list of coping skills and put it somewhere easy to access for when crisis hits...maybe my planner. If I read it every once in a while maybe next time I'll remember some of it when in panic.

My landlord is only coming so fast because my roommate kept insisting that we need this asap, else he was very reluctant. Gotta learn from her on that count. But yes. As I said, the practicalities of the situation aren't the worst, it's just that I panicked and in panick I can't think straight.

As far as the bathroom goes, sure, I can use the bathroom for like the mirror or something, just no water. The thing was the neighbours have water dripping if we flush(we tried last night) and for whatever reason also around the pipe under the washing machine and shower, so they wanted us to use none of it until the repair person also comes, so that their ceiling can dry and there is no more leaking. So that is why- so no water there, hot or otherwise.

As I said practically the situation isn't the worst I've been in- obviously. It's just that sometimes when there are a lot of frustrated and angry people even for a little bit it sets me off. I think I'm calmer now in the morning. Had to take something to sleep but well worth it cause I slept off some of that panicky feeling.

I am also very tired as well though, I think it's the whole coming off adrenaline fatigue that I get after moments like last night. As I expected. I guess I'll have to adapt. I just hope the situation is resolved fast and it's not something needing too much repair.

 

[blackemerald1]

You know what I know what you mean. Just tell me I cannot use something... even something I don't use often, or not at all and suddenly all I wanna do is USE THAT THING.

Good idea about making a list and sounds like you've got a good house-mate there! Reluctant landlords are the worst.

I hope it gets fixed soon. I'm sure it will be one leak that's creating all of those problems.

Good luck :hug:

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Seems the repairman can only come tomorrow afternoon.

BAD sides are that I'll be trying to work in a cafe, spending the full day and maybe tomorrow morning in cafes. And also that I have a meeting tomorrow, my hair is a mess and in this state it's hard concentrating on work.
GOOD sides are that I have work, I can afford cafe for once, and instead of doing mindless shopping today I made use of the list I have of what I need from the mall and made use of my time there. Having hot coffee in bed and then going to head out back there with my laptop to try to get some work done.

Still super frustrating, but what can you do. Will have to adapt. Somehow.

 

[blackemerald1]

Oh no, another day... have you or your room mate got a generous friend who will let you have a quick shower and wash your hair? Maybe spring them a bottle of wine for their generosity or make em a cake... barter something I dunno..

But if it goes on too long you may have to see if your roommate can ask the landlord for either a reduction in rent or a motel room so you both can wash yourselves and your clothes etc.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Oh no, another day... have you or your room mate got a generous friend who will let you have a quick shower and wash your hair? Maybe spring them a bottle of wine for their generosity or make em a cake... barter something I dunno..

But if it goes on too long you may have to see if your roommate can ask the landlord for either a reduction in rent or a motel room so you both can wash yourselves and your clothes etc.

The friend I'm meeting tomorrow suggested that since we are anyway meeting I can stop by her place to shower and do my hair before we leave. And got dry shampoo until then. It supposed to be a simple issue, just the repairman was booked or something. I am praying that all will be done tomorrow afternoon as promised.

The bigger issue is work and my health. Like, I went to the nearest cafe that is 5min by walk, great, but they only have one place to plug electronics and someone was already plugged in. My old laptop made it 2h roughly. Bad time to figure out good places to work when you really need it at that moment. Now I'm back home for a bit, then testing another cafe, then back home- maybe.

Except the combination of constantly having to figure out each next move through the day, combined with working in a place I haven't before(so not comfy), plus constantly shuffling myself to somewhere and back is just sheer exhausting. It sets me in that 'hide in bed with my laptop' mode, which could sometimes even be productive. Except my mind is reeling and I have no working WC*(or I can't use it so same) so when I need it I have to go out to the mall again. Where I've been twice already today. I was going to go to the other mall(15m away, but if anxious I can get bus), work there and then get myself adult coloring book to play with for the anxiety part... but it's getting dark and colder and colder and my mind is seriously in a hide in bed mode. I was the one that chose to go where I went today but I am still feeling like a sack of potatoes being shifted from place to place. So when I got home I started shaking and getting cold and now I am in bed under a blanket. So...might need to do this and just visit the mall once more before it closes. And my mind is getting in that state where I can't work more and I've only done half of what I wanted(well, I only have batch deadline, it's not per day, so I can work evenings or weekend the other days... So I'm sure all will be done on time. It's just the sheer nature of not knowing what am I doing next and where that is exhausting and my mind is not having it.

 

[blackemerald1]

The bigger issue is work and my health. L

I know this is a big disruption. So I suppose just make the most of it? They've said one more day so go with that...don't push past that deadline. Honestly, if it's not completely sorted by then the landlord will have to help. It's not good enough. Having a bathroom is non-negotiable when you're actually paying for one.

 

[blackemerald1]

How did you go? Bathroom operational?

 

[DharmaGirl]

Yikes, I'd go nuts if I couldn't pee in my own bathroom! Or shower! I hope you made it through all right!

 

[Cielo77]

So I was having my first stable month-day really for a while. After holidays so less triggers, finally stable income. For a first time in 2 years I allowed myself to buy myself something that isn't bills, rent, food or immediate need after those(falling apart shoes when having no other for example). So for a first time in months I felt safe and relaxed and allowed myself to do and plan things beyond the scope of just surviving...and it was as if someone was thinking 'ya feel better, well prove it'.- There was a leak in our neighbours bathroom under us. Which now goes under 'needs to be checked that it may come from us even though everything here is dry- hence we can't use water in any form in the bathroom until tomorrow noon(so 15-16 hours). WC aside and shower needs aside the other thing that calms me in panic is hot shower.

I feel like I am doing really crappy at life right now. Because see, for everyone else it goes in 'crisis mode-oh my god what is happening- we have called someone to come in the morning- we won't think of it until then' kind of way. So for them all the commotion is over faster. Me however, I go into panic-can't think straight mode-everything is too bright/loud/intrusive mode and shut down to any tasks unrelated to the crisis and I'm in full hyper mode for the next day(or days, depends on my general stress level and how severe the objective issue is). It's not so much the crisis itself- I am even lately better and better at answering practical questions of 'what now' in different life issues that have been happening lately. It's more the state of 5-6 adults all freaking out and being angry/frustrated/panicky until they decide what is next. So for them that is over, but for me all that frustrated energy ends up in a knot in my stomach that does not release simply because they have found a solution in the near future. For them it's over, for me all that frustrations for so many people have triggered something and I am all ...hyperawake.

And I have a full schedule and especially tomorrow was supposed to be heavy on work...but I work from home which means until this issue is done I am also in frustration mode. And can I go to work in cafe or something- well yes, indeed. Except my roommate is out for work in the morning so I need to be at home for my landlord to come and resolve the issue. Which is great for finding resolution on the practical side of things but also means I can't 'flee' the situation and I feel stuck like I'm holding my breath until this is resolved. This usually results in multiple walks, emotional eating and hot showers... Which leaves emotional eating, but I just bought new pointe shoes since mine were dead and I had made promise to myself to be healthier. Tomorrow was supposed to be my chill work/do house chores/cook day and now I am ALL on edge. This must seem so incredibly minor, but it's so incredibly frustrating.
I panicked and after the whole deciding what happens next was over went out to go to the nearest shop/mall which is luckily 5min walk from home... to realize I was about half hour too late and it was all closed. And instead of going to sleep at my normal hour I am making lists of things that will probably be inconsequential later on(like obsessive lists of things that would have been useful to have in such crisis like dry shampoo cause my hair is awful and it was supposed to be the first thing I do when I wake tomorrow..). So yeah. Sorry. Maybe I am a bit in panic frustration mode still. I know this should be over soon and in theory my work or schedule won't suffer. But I know in practice that there will be a fall out- that after I finally get out of panic state I get huge fatigue crash almost to exhaustion/dissociation point sometimes and I need an afternoon to snap out of it. So anticipating that some plans will need to be shifted or moved forward in time. I lost most of December to holiday triggers and back injury. And I was finally feeling like I was getting up on my feet and this is hitting me super hard to be honest, the need to sleep 24 hours and plan a zillion things and process and reschedule certain events and see what is priority for my health and mind state kind of hard. SO frustrated with my mind right now. I'm so so sorry for posting this, I just feel so low...

Yikes, I'd go nuts if I couldn't pee in my own bathroom! Or shower! I hope you made it through all right!

So I was having my first stable month-day really for a while. After holidays so less triggers, finally stable income. For a first time in 2 years I allowed myself to buy myself something that isn't bills, rent, food or immediate need after those(falling apart shoes when having no other for example). So for a first time in months I felt safe and relaxed and allowed myself to do and plan things beyond the scope of just surviving...and it was as if someone was thinking 'ya feel better, well prove it'.- There was a leak in our neighbours bathroom under us. Which now goes under 'needs to be checked that it may come from us even though everything here is dry- hence we can't use water in any form in the bathroom until tomorrow noon(so 15-16 hours). WC aside and shower needs aside the other thing that calms me in panic is hot shower.

I feel like I am doing really crappy at life right now. Because see, for everyone else it goes in 'crisis mode-oh my god what is happening- we have called someone to come in the morning- we won't think of it until then' kind of way. So for them all the commotion is over faster. Me however, I go into panic-can't think straight mode-everything is too bright/loud/intrusive mode and shut down to any tasks unrelated to the crisis and I'm in full hyper mode for the next day(or days, depends on my general stress level and how severe the objective issue is). It's not so much the crisis itself- I am even lately better and better at answering practical questions of 'what now' in different life issues that have been happening lately. It's more the state of 5-6 adults all freaking out and being angry/frustrated/panicky until they decide what is next. So for them that is over, but for me all that frustrated energy ends up in a knot in my stomach that does not release simply because they have found a solution in the near future. For them it's over, for me all that frustrations for so many people have triggered something and I am all ...hyperawake.

And I have a full schedule and especially tomorrow was supposed to be heavy on work...but I work from home which means until this issue is done I am also in frustration mode. And can I go to work in cafe or something- well yes, indeed. Except my roommate is out for work in the morning so I need to be at home for my landlord to come and resolve the issue. Which is great for finding resolution on the practical side of things but also means I can't 'flee' the situation and I feel stuck like I'm holding my breath until this is resolved. This usually results in multiple walks, emotional eating and hot showers... Which leaves emotional eating, but I just bought new pointe shoes since mine were dead and I had made promise to myself to be healthier. Tomorrow was supposed to be my chill work/do house chores/cook day and now I am ALL on edge. This must seem so incredibly minor, but it's so incredibly frustrating.
I panicked and after the whole deciding what happens next was over went out to go to the nearest shop/mall which is luckily 5min walk from home... to realize I was about half hour too late and it was all closed. And instead of going to sleep at my normal hour I am making lists of things that will probably be inconsequential later on(like obsessive lists of things that would have been useful to have in such crisis like dry shampoo cause my hair is awful and it was supposed to be the first thing I do when I wake tomorrow..). So yeah. Sorry. Maybe I am a bit in panic frustration mode still. I know this should be over soon and in theory my work or schedule won't suffer. But I know in practice that there will be a fall out- that after I finally get out of panic state I get huge fatigue crash almost to exhaustion/dissociation point sometimes and I need an afternoon to snap out of it. So anticipating that some plans will need to be shifted or moved forward in time. I lost most of December to holiday triggers and back injury. And I was finally feeling like I was getting up on my feet and this is hitting me super hard to be honest, the need to sleep 24 hours and plan a zillion things and process and reschedule certain events and see what is priority for my health and mind state kind of hard. SO frustrated with my mind right now. I'm so so sorry for posting this, I just feel so low...

Thank you for sharing your heart with us. nice to meet you. I go thru similar stress levels of anxiety. it is hard at times but yes, we can get thru it. take time to breath in slowing, drink water, chew gum, get fresh air for a few minutes. try this suggestion, try speaking positive to yourself. speak life into existence. take control over the moment in your mindset by shifting gears in your thoughts. focus more on something else, step away from the room or person, and do a positive constructive/productive action. it is trial and error until you find out what does work for you but it really gets me thru tuff times. hugs :)

 

[SeekingAfrica]

How did you go? Bathroom operational?

Yes, indeed. They finished repair on Thursday, but then the glue needed for the WC needed to dry overnight*(but at least from that point the shower was operational). Thank you for asking:).

Yikes, I'd go nuts if I couldn't pee in my own bathroom! Or shower! I hope you made it through all right!

Exactly! I think if I didn't have this forum and some good friends in person I would have lost my mind completely. The last day I was tired of working in a mall and not having working WC. Thankfully a lovely friend that knew about the issue suggested I work at her place for the day while she does whatever she needs to(and let me do a load of laundry too). Honestly it was nice and productive day for both of us, we made the best of it. And I wouldn't have asked her for this help, but I'm grateful she offered*(showed and told her that too).

Anyway, I am getting better in managing my PTSD in time(I mean, 2 years ago I was struggling to work at all! so working while this was going on, big for me!). But, I am still not good at dealing with the fallout of such situations- like maybe I manage the situation well, as well as anyone could, but once it's resolved I get a huge energy crash and few days of low productivity, high anxiety and high fatigue. So now I had to push forward a work deadline(Thank god I have flexible work!) because of it. Because from Friday until today, albeit the WC situation being fully resolved, I ended up having several days of swinging between anxiety and depression, often without particular reason, sleeping badly and trying to somehow work despite it. I did work and I managed a lot, but with way lower productivity and taking everything without much structure to my day, just doing what I can, with many breaks. I don't think anything catastrophic will happen, I think I handled everything as well as I could given how erratic my mental health was.
But it felt like for few days my health took first priority, and like I went backwards in my journey. It felt like an adrenal crash once the crisis was over or something like that. I don't know...

Whatever it was it's finally wearing off, but I am only now slowly getting back on track. PTSD sucks sometimes.
I was supposed to have my therapy this week too and I didn't even have energy to schedule it, it will have to go next week I suppose.
I think I adapted well given the situation, I am just frustrated of having such mental crash when there was no crisis any longer going on...