Are You Buying Your Therapist A Christmas Gift?

[Deleted member 12723]

Smush, I am glad it worked out for you with the gift giving. Good for you. You accomplished something very beautiful. I am so happy for you that you have good memories with the gift giving. Hugs.

 

[AS1975]

I honestly considered it, but I thought I shouldn't. Perhaps I was wrong, but I fear developing any sort of interpersonal relationship (of any sort), even friendship. This is the first Psychiatrist to actually see what is wrong and diagnose it, I value the professional relationship too much.

I did on the other hand sincerely thank both him and his receptionist/nurse for all their help, shook hands and wished them a merry christmas. It was the very least I could do.

 

[Smushroom]

I am very careful with my boundaries AS1975, a part of me was worried about that too, but as long as I am firm in my boundaries, I didn't see a problem. I don't feel any sort of friendship or anything else. I know it is purely a 'working relationship'

Thanks gizmo. It turned out ok afterall! The one positive thing I can cling to as Christmas comes up.

 

[faraway]

Mine was very happy with his gift, so that makes me glad that I made the right choice and didn't let possible embarrassment stop a nice act. :)

 

[Smushroom]

I'm glad he liked it faraway. What did you end up making/buying?

 

[anni]

Yes, I did not the first year. It just felt awkward and wierd, plus did not know whether or not there were rules or something that T's had to follow and I was too chicken to ask about. I gave my T the nutroll yesterday, always sign the card to he and 'Family'. But rats, do not get even a twinkle on the Nutroll portion of the gift, keep waiting for it! SUPPOSE it could be considered, er, a little tacky of a joke inside the T community? Oops.

He's still getting one next year. It's very good nutroll.

 

[faraway]

What did you end up making/buying?

I made muffins. :)

 

[TeaLeaf]

Now that I think back, she talked a little too much about herself sometimes.....

Then she got sick with Parkinson's and closed her practice. Called me to her house and said in her thirty years of practice, my life was about the worse she'd heard. then she gave me her mother's wedding ring because she thought I was going to get married. I was appreciative and touched, but it came with the clause of not telling my other therapist cause it was against the rules.

then, after several months of this guy not proposing, she called me several times asking if I'd done anything with the ring. I said, what? am I supposed to force him into proposing? If you want the ring back, just say so.

She said that the gift meant alot to her and wanted to make sure it was being used properly.

.......... I wanted to sever the relationship after her practice was over and move on, but she called and called. It was too weird for me and I told her several times, yet she continued to call.
Told this to several other Ts and they were literally shocked and felt bad for me. I felt violated, manipulated and guilt tripped over the edge.

Tlight- My jaw dropped when I read your post, I'm sorry you had to deal with this. The therapist calling you to her house and telling you in her 30 years of practice, your life was the worst she heard? To me this was the worst part of her unprofessional behavior. It seemed to be said in a manner that implied there is little hope to make things better.

And then she called and called. Wow. Did you or your new therapists report her? I suppose if she retired, there may not be much to do about her behavior but I would think the new therapists would be mandated reporters of such behavior.

 

[maddog]

I know this thread is old and kind of obsolete now, well, for this year anyway... but I only just read it through from start to end, and can't believe how overwhelmed with sadness it made me.

My last session with my therapust before his Xmas break was horrible. I was distraught, also very physically unwell and cried and cried and cried and... I'd wanted so much to be calm and measured enough to say thank you in a very meaningful way that would once and for all show him that I'm making some progress through my tongue-tied social awkwardness. For so long the will would be there, but the fear and strange irrational shame and embarrassment I would feel at trying to really articulate the significance of what he does for me, would always leave me almost silent.

And I wanted this year to be different. He has been the most amazing and life-saving influence on my life and has literally given that life back to me. I wanted to find a way to say that, which wasn't tacky or soppy, but was real and honest and from the heart. Giving gifts is still too awkward and terrifying for me, but I wanted the words to be right.

And then... I just cried, and he was the one reassuring me. I think I even forgot to wish him a merry Xmas at the end, because as he was leaving I could barely think about anything else.

I know it probably doesn't matter, I know he knows I appreciate him, I know he knows I struggle with the really heartfelt stuff and almost amusingly, he kind of does too... and has confessed that to me many times. He also *hates* compliments and has had to work very hard himself to be able to accept them at all, so sometimes we've even shared a laugh about how awkward we both feel when we try to say nice things to each other.

But I can't stop thinking about it now, and feeling so so sad, and so so angry and disappointed in myself. Somehow, everything is just so selfishly about me, and I can't ever get on top of my emotions when it matters...

And right now, I wish he'd give *me* a gift and come back from holidays...

Maddog

 

[Hashi]

Maddog, I'm sorry it was so difficult for you. I was like this in my very final session with my previous therapist. I wanted to thank her and express what she'd meant to me, and all I did was cry desperately while she said wonderful things to me.

I think your tears probably said it for you. I think how emotional you were, that would itself have conveyed to him your appreciation of what he does for you and how much his presence in your life means to you.

I understand wanting to say it in words, but I'm sure he knows it from your tears.

 

[mamachick]

Tlight-I am sorry that happened. That is horrible. Obviously, something was very wrong with your therapist's judgement. Her judgement was impaired to do such a thing. She knew it was as she told you not to tell your new therapist (T).

Topic now obsolete, its ok for T's to receive gifts as long as they are small. Baked item, fruit basket, small ornament, etc. I think they really appreciate it. In my former life, when I was a therapist, I only bought small gifts for my groups. They were very traditional and simple (often journals), or a writing pen with an angel on it, or a candle) as I had to buy many. Doing several groups, I might have 30 clients. I have many ornaments from clients that I always put on my tree and remember them all. Clients knew I love Maya Angelou and one client would write in caligraphy and frame a quote.

The week of Christmas, we still held regular group, but I would usually bring soda, cheese and veggie tray and cookies and any client that wished to bring something to share was welcome to without any pressure. It was always a very nice way to end the year and while we still did group work, after break, we would have a more social hour.

Over many of years and hundreds of group clients, they real joy is in witnessing their growth, large and small. Witnessing them going from oppression to self empowerment. I have many nice cards that I will save forever showing appreciation. They did it, and while I provided guidance, I was as appreciative for being part of their recovery.

Wow-realized how much I miss work.

 

[Britt.f7]

I didn't even see my therapist so I really didn't have to worry about not giving her anything.

Well, I gave my T her gift.

Smushroom, I am so happy that this worked out so well! I only hope I could have a relationship with my next t the way you do with this one. :)