Are you the butt of everyone's jokes?

[Abstract]

I can see why late development could potentially interfere with understanding humour. For example if you watched a stand up comedian would you get his jokes? What do you find funny? Or is this a problem only when humour is aimed at you? I think examples would be helpful.

 

[Gs172003]

Everybody dogs me at work. My name is "misery" ( a play on my name) on the schedule lol it's just that kind of atmosphere. There are times when it gets out of hand but I try to not let it get to me. But mostly it's just fun.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Sometimes, it's partly why I avoid people, actually.

 

[Changing4Best]

Well, come to think of it, it does not happen at church. So it is situational, not all across my life.

Have you read up about boundaries and assertiveness? I would start there as it can help the rest. Hav...

Which book(s) would you recommend? This is basically a work-related thing. It does not happen so much, if at all, in other places.

I’m not typically the butt of others jokes, but when it happens it’s because the other person is an idiot and doesn’t understand boundaries, and doesn’t understand that I want to be left alone.

This is a lot of what I feel about it too. Yes, it is hard to deal with!

I can see why late development could potentially interfere with understanding humour. For example if yo...

My husband was into punning. God! I miss him. (He passed away about 10 yrs ago). I found his puns fun and entertaining and I could "get" them. So I can sense humor when it is not aimed at me and used to make me feel uncomfortable. My husband somehow used his puns to get a laugh, but never to make fun of or degrade anyone who was present listening to them. I loved all that. I like humor that is not aimed at making others uncomfortable or worse. I hate "humor" that is actually some form of "put down" or degradation, no matter who is the "recipient." I rarely laugh at jokes that are meant to make someone else feel bad.

 

[Gs172003]

Well, come to think of it, it does not happen at church. So it is situational, not all across my li...

Awwww my son likes puns alot. So much I bought him a pun game

 

[Abstract]

It sounds like you do understand humour but something about being in that situation at work and having it aimed at you changes how you react. It sounds more like a boundary and confidence thing to me. There are a couple of good books on boundaries. You are religious so may like Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How To Say No To Take Control Of Your Life by Peter Townand. I haven't read it but it has a good rep. Assertiveness How To Stand Up Yourself and Still Respect Others by Judy Murphy. You could work with your t through the assertiveness book as assertiveness is really a real life practice thing.

Aggression can hide behind humour or sarcasm and in other environments these types of humour can be done playfully without harmful intent. As long as it is evenly distributed and doesn't cross lines. You still get to put your foot down if you don't like it.

 

[Lionheart]

I have been the butt of others jokes but mostly in my own mind, because it used to be that, anytime I heard others laughing I would assume it was about me and I would feel humiliated. It came from a lack of any boundaries and low-self esteem. Your situation sounds different, though there may be a similar element...

There was also a time I had to lean to laugh at myself and not let others jokes hurt me, but sometimes when there is ill intent it is really painful.

I really like what Abstract had to say and I agree assertiveness can help and I like the book suggestions as well.

I just wanted to say that I hope you will find whatever you need to not feel like you are, or be, the butt of others jokes!!! I know it can be emotionally painful and I am sorry that you have had this experience!!!

 

[Changing4Best]

Awwww my son likes puns alot. So much I bought him a pun game

Really, I did not know there was a pun game. What is it called?

 

[Gs172003]

Really, I did not know there was a pun game. What is it called?

Pun intended...It's all pun and games

 

[intothelight]

Jokes can have a lot of meaning and it can be done to relieve tension, in the spirit of camaraderie, as a correction, to initiate contact, or to hurt and bully, I am sure the list isn't complete, but the trick is figuring out how it is intended and responding appropriately.

Can you give an example?

This is an excellent idea as it is difficult to discern exactly what is taking place as there are so many variables and humor has so many nuances.

 

[Supervixn]

Yesssss...

To the point that jokes were made about me in front of me in ways that were meant to covertly "jab" me. Like I was some kinda fool.

I ignored it and ignored it and ignored it. Until I couldnt ignore it anymore. I shot a look that could've killed. Next day I'm invited to lunch and not another joke has been thrown around.

Let them see your offense. Your insult. Your anger. It'll end things pretty quick. Leverage your power. It's fine for people to fear your capabilities. Respect is better than love sometimes.

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

An example would really help here. It could be that their sense of humour is just totally different to yours. Some people like to poke fun at themselves and assume everyone else does too. Some people’s humour is all about poking fun at someone and someone poking fun at them. Maybe they don’t realise they’re making you uncomfortable.

Also sometimes people try to cover up being a jerk with “I’m only joking, gosh you’re so sensitive can’t you take a joke?” And that’s arsehole behaviour and gaslighting and really not cool.