Relationship Army Infantry Boyfriend Has Combat PTSD ... Should I Leave?

[natsy]

Like all of you I'm to living this heart break the only difference for me is there is no alcohol just anger, he has just started EMDR and CBT therapy and after 2 appointments is worse. I got a better standard of living with him before therapy even though he is very emotionally abusive I'm holding on but only just with hope for an end.

 

[kaycee83]

I am also in disbelief that my story is similar. I've been with this man fit over a year and a half. He kind of pushed his way into my life and my heart. He needed to see me everyday. Told me he loved me and I made him so happy everyday. He moved in without taking about it. I was his queen. Anything I wanted or needed, all I had to do was ask. Then he started getting health problems. I held his hand through everything. Then with all the stress I started to get sick myself. I hid the seriousness of my ailment from him and tried to get him well and back to work. After two days back I started my spiral of appointments and medications. It made me shut everybody out. And he took it personal, Packed up and moved out. We got over it. We started dating and laughing again. Then every few days he attacks me for no apparent reason. About his insecurities and how he cannot trust me. Why, because he doesnt want to get hurt. Then a Few days later he's back to his old loving self and how I'm his moon and sun. It's been a rollercoaster. This man made me LOVE myself again. He brought me back to life. He made me feel that there was no other before him. But since the separation hes been very abusive and telling me that it's from the disorder. I've been nothing but faithful and patient with my infantryman but I feel like giving up. But I still have hope for the future. I don't want to give up on something that was so beautiful and right. But I cannot deal with the mood swings and the insecurities. I've prayed for our happiness. I love every moment I spend with him. He had the most intoxicating personality but only I know of the illness. I want to talk to his brother-in-arms but I don't want to cross the line. Only I have witnessed his bad side and it's breaking my heart. I'm a spiritual woman of the native American religion. I've no more resources. I can't pray it away. I just wish I could hold him and tell him its going to be alright. I'm his for better or for worse. I would do anything to make and keep him happy. This ask started 3 months ago. I've been through worst but I didn't love my ex like I LOVE this man......

 

[Becky Kitri]

I've been reading through the different experiences everyone has had with their partner. My...ex?..."we're on a break?...I'm not sure what to call it really! We were together for a year and so much of it has been up and down. It is strange...when we are together we are amazing and then out of the blue something happens and he just turns his emotions off. The military is his career and he's been on five deployments. He too is infantry with the Army.

There have been times when he's opened up to me a little about what he's seen or done, but mainly he won't talk about it. The most recent incident happened about a month or so ago where he called me drunk and crying about not being worthy of love. He told be he didn't deserve any of the things that I do for him and I just stayed on the phone with him and let him talk and tried to reassure him. I told him I loved him and he said he wanted me to know how much he really loved me too.

We haven't lived in the same state for 7 months but see each other as often as possible. I flew out there last weekend and the first day was good, the second day great, but that night after dinner and drinks he flipped out! He told me that he didn't love me. He's never loved me and did not want to be with me. This could all be ture as people's feelings do change. We have had several up and downs, but I tried to stand by him to reassure him that he was worthy of love and that I would be his rock if he needed that. I also wanted him to feel safe with me.

Now I'm not so sure. I am so confused, sad, and hurt because I can't decipher what triggered everything?? I thought we were in love, but sometimes people do fall out of love for no reason at all...or was our relationship an emotion he isn't able to process or doesn't want to process? This is all so new to me. Maybe I just needed to vent to others who have been in my shoes.

 

[NavyMA2]

Butterflybella,

I don't know if what I have to say will help, Lord knows I'm no psychiatric professional,...

I need someone to talk to and you seem perfect how can we message in private

 

[NavyMA2]

I just wanted to let you know that I know it's hard and heartbreaking. Some of the comments may also b...

Would like to personal message you about my relationship with my boyfriend who has PTSD needing someone to talk to I'm new on here so I don't know how to message you

 

[Sweetpea76]

@NavyMA2 this forum has a great supporter section, and a lot of us are with combat vets. Welcome, get comfortable, and have a look around :)

 

[Sarah05]

I am fairly new to this forum as well, but I think it great how everyone shows such support for one another while also providing honest advice and experience. I think you'll all find the same, and that talking about your stories, struggles and experiences with other members will help you a lot :). It is definitely true that no one here is alone in their struggles and unfortunately the effects of post-traumatic stress symptoms hurts many relationships. I would second the sentiments from Sarge that it is great that you all want to offer such support for your loved ones, but that it is also important to understand that there is only so much you can do. We can't fully comprehend their traumatic military experiences and are not trained psychology professionals.

I think it is also important to remember that if you are killing yourself over and over again trying to support them, the abuse is going to wear on you and you won't be able to sustain yourself let alone them. You have to take care of yourself. Coming to this forum is a great first step! I also strongly believe that seeking out professional counseling for yourself can help a lot. And if your significant other hasn't tried a forum like this where he can find support from his peers, that might help both them and you. Just remember that you can't fully comprehend his experiences, just like others who aren't in your situation may not fully understand or be able to help you as hard as they try. Trained professionals may need to take the lead and you may have to let yourself step away from the whole situation when it becomes chronically damaging to you.

 

[Euphie333]

It was encouraging to read everyone's stories. It's very similar to what I've been going through....

This is the same exact thing I have been through, subtract the going out to bars and partying. That is what causes the Main Issue for you. The only way you can fix that is if you can make him understand that maybe his friends are a bad influence, especially if they don't have war experience like he does, then they are not helping his life they are making it worse. He needs a good friend influence and a extreme amount of support from you. Also, you need to find some kind of hobby that is exciting and fun that the both of you can do. Men from a military past seek danger and thrill, but it can be channeled in a positive way like dirt biking or sky diving adrenaline rush type hobbies. Or it can be negative like going to stip clubs and bars or talking to your ex to get a thrill or attention. You can leave if he's not ready to pick his reckless friends and partying over you because that's what will cause him to cheat and definitely end y'all's relationship

 

[Cassidy]

It was encouraging to read everyone's stories. It's very similar to what I've been going through....

I too have the same issue he is just starting his meds for PTSD which is a generic for Zoloft. I have been with him through a break up before this breakup. He has a little girl in Colorado and was trying to fix that relationship for his little girl. I met him on a military dating site and decided to come to Florida for a visit. He asked me to stay I agreed then his ex with his little girl wanted him back. So, I moved to Washington state after leaving all the stuff I owed including my pets for him. He found out that it was the same old story with her asked me back down again. I came in the hopes of actually trying 2 months I had asked what are we are currently broken up and living together. Still in the sharing the same bed. He tells certain friends we ain't together and his family. Like I said he is just starting his recovery process and I am at lost myself.

 

[Shy]

Butterflybella, I am as well stuck in your situation, possibly worse. He's a Marine with Combat rel. PTSD. When we first met everything was great! I got him to quit smoking (a long drawn-out process). I got him to slow down on his drinking. Making sure everything was headed in the right direction... Then around 6 months ago he started sleeping a lot. Over 12hrs at a time, just staying up until 5am and waking up at 5-7pm... and he started going out to bars again and playing poker. He kept drinking more and more each time. I tried talking to him about this but nothing came of it. He then got mentally abusive, but ONLY when he was drunk. He would come home and tell me to "STFU" when I'd say "hey honey", and tell me how much he doesn't like me and then he'd flip like a switch and tell me how much he loves me. I knew it was because of the alcohol and PTSD just causing an acute bipolar. About 3 months ago, it got physical. He came home drunk and I was asleep and just because I wouldn't get up to fix his plate (the food being already cooked and warm on the stove), he tried choking me while calling me a b***h. It was physical in that way a for few more times throughout the last few months... It just happened more and more, but only when he came home from the bar drunk. I knew it wasn't my fault and neither was it his... So I stayed with him. Well a few weeks ago he was playing poker and lost a few hundred bucks so he started smoking again. When I confronted him, he got so angry at me he slapped me a few times. But somehow I feel this reason to stay with him; to help him. Well tonight was it. He came home extra late and more drunk than I've ever seen him. I was asleep of course when he started yelling in my ear to get up and go fix him a plate (once again a warm meal but on a plate in the oven; I was sort of prepared that he'd want me to fix a plate). I told him to stop yelling, as we have neighbors we live in an apartment, and his food was in the oven, already plated. He then came to eat and turned the light on, while I am trying to sleep. Fed up, I told him to go to the living room to eat, then come to bed. He then grabbed me by my hair and arm tossed me to the floor, kicked me in the side/rib area, and proceeded to get me out of the room, yelling at me to go to the other room not him. Scared shitless, *If I may*, I grabbed a golf club as protection, as he was following me angrily. I then was crying and he was yelling and took the club from me and threw it... He went to his safe and grabbed the samurai sword I had previously bought him for his birthday and threatened me with it. He completely destroyed the couch as I sat on it panicking. He then took it to the walls and near my head. Afterwards he went back to his safe and got his gun, an M16 and proceeded to yell and ask me where my heart was and scared as to what was next I just pointed to my heart and he pushed the barrel of his rifle to my chest screaming at me and then went back and forth threatening with gun and sword. He was swinging the sword so much he broke the glass around the bulb. I was scared out of my mind. He then made me make him some other food as his first plate was knocked over in the first rustle. After he ate and sobered up a little he was so sweet, apologising and telling me how much he loves me. I am laying in bed with him. As I type, he is snoring. I don't have a vehicle, as we share. And I'm scared shitless *If I may, again*. I have a huge bruise on my arm where he grabbed me in the beginning, and sore ribs. Please give me advice. I want to leave so bad. I don't deserve this. But he can't help what he's going through. And he can't handle it alone, that's for sure. Please give me advice. I need help! Normal females in regular loving relationships don't understand. Please, I'm begging!

 

[Sighs]

Get. Out. Now.

He will kill you if you stay.

PTSD in not an excuse for domestic violence.

If he is sleeping off the boose sneak out now. Call someone to pick you up. Get a cab to a safe house. Get out with nothing but the clothes on your back if you have to.

Act now. It may be your last chance.

 

[Sighs]

I'm the daughter of a combat vet and nod the partner of s combat vet both with PTSD. I'm not a "normal female" who doesn't understand this condition.

I stand by my earlier comment.