Asking For Help Seems Too Difficult

[Ayasha]

I am doing my best to start reaching out more when I think I'm getting too stressed but it's something about calling for a counseling session at my school that makes me feel like I'm overreacting. And maybe I am.

I just feel stressed and nearly overwhelmed again and I am afraid that if I keep having nightmares at this rate and staying this stressed then my problems will escalate. I dread going to counseling even though it really does make me feel better.

I've asked a couple of close friends and they say that if I have to ask myself if I should call, then I should talk to a counselor. I mean, I guess the whole point of taking care of myself is to call for help when I think I need it, right?

Does anyone else go through this reluctance in asking for help (of any kind)?

And sorry for the rambling but it's on my mind and I really do wonder if anyone else goes through this.

 

[JustBe]

Yes, I'd rather go it alone. But sometimes it's important to know when to reach out. Like on the forum!

It sounds like your friends really care about you. Why not give it a try? You can always leave.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

It is hard to ask for help at first. Be careful who you go to, to ask for help. But it gets easier with practice. Remember baby steps.

People usually are happy to help unless they are not feeling good and then they do not have anything to give.

It is not a crime to ask for help and it does not obligate you in any way.

 

[Ayasha]

Yeah, baby steps.

It sounds like your friends really care about you.

And I think you are right, Movin'On, I have a lot of friends here who care about me which I think is something I've always needed. I still don't really understand why they care about me but maybe I am just blind to my better qualities.

 

[piratelady]

If you feel the need, there is nothing wrong with calling to ask for an appointment with a therapist. I've done it. The last time I did it, my therapist also stressed the importance of having a support system outside of therapy. It is good to have friends or family that you can trust to be able to vent to if/when you need it. As Gizmo said, be careful who you trust, but you do still need a support system in your life.

 

[KatB]

I agree with you,Piratelady. I agree that its the hardest thing go do to ask for help, especially if you don't know you can trust the person or know them well enough.

To have a strong support system is necessary and beneficial, but I also think its difficult for those whose family ignores their own errors/mistakes and just want to help me out when they don't see their own.I am in the predicament that my family knows I am not the Kathleen they knew, but yet, have difficulties in just being nice or completely open with them.

I have hard times trusting my own ppl and those who know me. I always believed that if you asked for help, you were weak or weren't strong enough. My family and I have never really seen things eye to eye, therefore our perspectives and opinions and feelings weren't respected or honored. Now, I believe that it can't get any worse than not being able to love and cherish those around you; lack of expression.

 

[Mary Black]

Does anyone else go through this reluctance in asking for help (of any kind)?

Yes, I have always prided myself on self-reliance. After all, I made it through a lot on my own. As I get older that is wearing off a little and I am faced with my issues more starkly. I'm learning that I need other people.

 

[Abstract]

You are not alone. I have always wanted to be self sufficient and actually told myself I didnt need anyone but I actually think that comes from a place of fear. I am starting to realise that underneath that is a bottomless need to support and help. Frightening.

I have a lot if trouble asking for help and actually saying I need help. And part of that is that I have this voice in my head telling me how I am lying or making a mountain out of a molehill. I have to get past that to do anything.

You are not not overreacting and you do need and deserve proper professional help so I hope you manage to get it!

 

[maddog]

I can't add a lot to the excellent wisdom and advice you've been given here, other than to say that one of the things about healthy help seeking behaviour is that it doesn't only apply to times of extreme crisis, and we should therefore not have to wait until such times before we use it. In fact, the best outcome is to seek support as soon as you are aware (which you obviously are) that things are deteriorating for you. Prevention, as they say, is better than cure, and part of what you will hopefully be able to access through counselling are some strategies and tools to help you to stabilise and turn this downward spiral around.

Waiting until things get critical is a problem on many fronts, including the fact that it's hardest to push through the barriers to help seeking when we are at our most vulnerable, and also that it takes more work to turn the ship around at that point.

Help seeking is a scarey and foreign behaviour for many trauma sufferers, particularly those who have been taught that to seek help is not allowed and/or a sign of incredible weakness. It actually takes the greatest strength sometimes to put up your hand and say you need help, and usually, if you choose the recipient wisely, the results are very reinforcing of that behaviour and, with time, make it easier to seek help again in the future.

My T tells me often that the damage that was done to me was done in the context of human relationships, and the path to healing will also be found only within human relationships. I hate to admit it, but... I think he's right.

I really hope you reach out - you deserve it.

Maddog

 

[Ayasha]

Thank you all so much for such wonderful advice.

It's still really hard to ask for help but I think it is necessary to getting better. I was practically shaking when I called her office this morning. Most of the time I think they believe I'm overreacting but that's probably my past making it difficult for me to reach out.

I'm 21 and I never really had anyone to reach out to until I came here so I guess I'm due for asking people for help.

Again, thank you all so much. Your advice and comments helped give me the push I needed to call in to see my counselor this afternoon. Thank you. :hug:

 

[saffy]

I think like this also. I hate asking for help. I also hate anyone feeling sorry for me I find this very patronising. I always think I will be let down and 99% of the time I am. So I do not bother asking anymore. I have to deal with it.

Sometimes I think it is because they are only helping out of pity or because they have to. It would be nice for someone to genuinely want to help, even offer now and again without me feeling like they are kicking me in the face about it later or making me feel guilty for accepting it. Or only helping because they want to get something out of it. grrrr.

Do you ever find that when someone does help you feel they are not quite putting their full attention or effort into it. Like they are there but don't really want to be?
if that makes sense.

Best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Ayasha]

Do you ever find that when someone does help you feel they are not quite putting their full attention or effort into it. Like they are there but don't really want to be?

Actually, yes, I had a 'friend' who did this to me last year. I was much worse last year and I'd ask her for help and she'd try but now that I'm less dissociated I can tell she never really wanted to help. Often she'd tell me to call a different friend or a counselor. Suffice it to say, now that I am getting better, I don't want this person in my life anymore and told her so/why.

It's hard to trust people when this has been done to you but we can't give up hope. There ARE other people out there who do care and genuinely want to help you, to help all of us. Because we are all good people and we deserve to be cared about.

This is what I try to keep telling myself when I am debating on asking for help, because no matter what it is hard to reach out to others and sometimes my past wins the battle and I just retreat into myself/my mind.