Attachment issues - Did you develop an attachment -in a healthy way- with your T?

[Crimsonred]

For those with attachment issues …did you develop an attachment-in a healthy way (whatever that means) to the therapis…to make progresst?

What is it like when you resist developing a connection- the healthy kind…What does it feel like for you? I guess also what does a healthy connection ‘feel’ like with your therapist.

 

[Movingforward10]

I hope my attachment is healthy. I think it is very close and I always wondered if it was ‘too much’.

I think I definitely needed this attachment to progress. I needed to feel that she could contain me, accept me, mentally hold things for me. It was very scary for the first couple of years: allowing myself that attachment.

I had no ‘object consistency’. I went from one session to the next thinking she will terminate me for sure now because I said x, or I’m too much, or she hates me, or she’s angry. Basically playing out all my childhood insecurities and attachment patterns.

Now, I know she is there, I know she cares. I know she can’t be my parent and I know I need to say bye at some point. But I know she has a therapeutic love for me, and she’s witnessed my trauma with me, and that feels special and healthy.
I have a deep love, and appreciation for her. I’ve been through things with her that I haven’t with anyone else.

 

[Charbella]

I’ve developed attachment but it is chaotic. Most of the time I avoid thinking about it. When it comes up it’s usually because he’s going on vacation and I realize that I am attached which triggers the whole, that’s not a good thing sequence of events in my head. If I start to think about any sort of him not being there I tend to want to just sever the connection and quit therapy. But I do realize without it I wouldn’t have gotten very far.

It’s healthy in that it’s helpful and most people would have no issue with just being connected. But it’s chaotic because I’d rather it not exist. When I pay too much attention to it there’s an internal war. I need him but I don’t want to need anyone.

Okay now that I’ve answered I’m thinking maybe it’s not healthy.

 

[Rose White]

Yes I developed attachment with my therapist to progress. I didn’t want it but I told myself that I needed to just allow it in order to recover. It was a lot of trying, expanding, retreating, hiding.

Resisting felt like not believing anything bad had happened to me, thinking T was ruining my life, wanting to disappear. But resisting was really a part of the process too—a part of the cycle.

Healthy connection felt like, “I can reach out to her,” “She’s an important person in my life, I was lucky to meet her,” “I can handle this, I can do this and not abandon myself.”

 

[Sues]

We need connection to heal. I think it's normal for us to form some sort of attachment to our therapists. Personally, I know and respect the therapist/client dynamic, and I don't think of him as a friend. He's my therapist. I lean on him a lot. I need him to help me navigate the mess that is my life.

 

[Dark.Green.Feathers]

Some of my connection is healthy, some of it isn’t. It’s all a work in progress.

My therapist has a very human approach, we’re both people in the therapeutic relationship. Not friends but I can be calm and we can have natural-feeling interactions. I don’t have any over-attachment issues but there is trust problem. I am working through fear and distrust.
Naturally, there is a power imbalance in therapy, the therapist is the helper, you are the helpee; for me this can make me feel helpless, when that isn’t the case. She is also older than me so that adds to it.
Slowly we’re unpacking how I don’t feel safe to have agency with her.

Outside of this I think we connect and the groundwork is there for me to open up and speak my mind, which has been happening more recently. I don’t feel like a burden to her and am not uncomfortable with her putting time/effort to help me. I think I feel secure in our roles in the relationship. I’m also feeling more secure for us to clash, as people do. Things are good but the areas which spark a lot of fear with her are difficult and making things slow.

Developing the therapeutic bond/connection is pretty much essential to healing with a therapist IMO. Robotic therapists who mask their personality seem to be bought up a lot here by people who are struggling to feel established in therapy,,, You have to build trust, and honesty, and acceptance of care. Like anyone else who may help you. Just because a romantic or out-of-therapy relationship would be unhealthy and overstepping the boundaries, doesn’t mean that any sort of interpersonal connection is bad and should be discouraged.

 

[Crimsonred]

I’ve developed attachment but it is chaotic. Most of the time I avoid thinking about it. When it comes up it’s usually because he’s going on vacation and I realize that I am attached which triggers the whole, that’s not a good thing sequence of events in my head. If I start to think about any sort of him not being there I tend to want to just sever the connection and quit therapy. But I do realize without it I wouldn’t have gotten very far.

It’s healthy in that it’s helpful and most people would have no issue with just being connected. But it’s chaotic because I’d rather it not exist. When I pay too much attention to it there’s an internal war. I need him but I don’t want to need anyone.

Okay now that I’ve answered I’m thinking maybe it’s not healthy.

I hear you. Really.