Attachment Issues

[Abstract]

I wish just "understanding" was enough.

Maddog

Very very true and I relate a lot.

 

[raven123]

Smart stuff. This makes total sense. Since I was raped at 3 and 1/2 years old by a male and female perp then lived in a mentally and physically abusive home for the rest of childhood (3-18), I have no clue how to form attachments since had PTSD from then on. Honestly, I despise men and hate most things men like. My sperm donor, what you would call a father (mine was nothing but the total loser than got my mom pregnant), made me live in fear for everything and he didn't allow me to have emotions and told me often how much I cost and how I was such a burden. Consequently, I have few or no emotions. That caused Bipolar and those decade or so long highs were the only time I felt good since I didn't have to care about feelings, emotions or anything else. My mom didn't protect me either (she admitted it recently) then chose my brother as her favorite. My brother would tell people he was an only child. Honestly, why I was born makes no sense whatsoever since I was obviously loathed or hated. My extreme loneliness and abandonment caused me to have others (D.I.D.) and that is the only real friends I've ever had. I have one other now. DID is very common among very young rape victims.

Where did you find this information? Have any links? I don't know if I want to feel (I could stay in a Bipolar high forever), but I'd like to understand all the damage done to me. Why I was even born makes no sense to me whatsoever.

Thank you for the information. I'd love to read more.

 

[raven123]

Found this:

Adults who suffer from attachment disorders most often experience fear and sadness. They deeply desire love and affection, but are unable to portray these desires effectively. Negative experiences in childhood lead them into denial and they fail to understand emotions such as love and attachment. With these deep-seated emotions, it is difficult to just 'talk them out' of such feelings. They require advanced therapeutic methods that involve a nurturing touch, restructuring of emotions, and treatment to break through the barriers of the mind and to get them to reveal all those trapped emotions. Role-playing is another method that helps with the treatment of this condition. Seeking expert help is the best way to assess and treat an attachment disorder. Furthermore, it is important that such individuals receive the necessary support from a friend or family member while undergoing therapy. Several times, this friend may be asked to attend therapy with them to be able to generate feelings of trust.

Ever notice how to fix seems to never be posted? lol

 

[Aribear]

I have tremendous difficulty talking about how I feel. My relationships with my parents and siblings (I wasn't allowed to have friends outside of school) were all about what they needed and what I could to to not make them mad or upset or not set them off. I have a really hard time when people don't want anything from me, because that's sort of the only way I know to attach.

In traditional therapy, the adult client with maladaptive upbringing usually functions more from his frontal lobe. This is because talk therapy tends to be more of a cognitive process for them. They never access and deal with their limbic-stored emotions."

This is really true for me. My new T has me write for 5-10 min about the biggest thing I'm working on or have on my mind when we start out a session because writing seems to be much better for me in terms of getting things out/sorted out. What I write about is just for me, but it sometimes helps me get at it enough to talk. Sometimes not so much. And also, as a related-ish side note, thank goodness for things like Art and Music therapy.

 

[anthony]

Please comment.

Ok. I think that quote is a complete crock of shit, for the most part... and someone who is trying to sell a specific therapy type more than likely created it for that purpose, wording it specifically to suit their point.

Let me guess... some type of attachment therapy based on childhood upbringing?

 

[saffy]

On a more constructive note.

People learn in different ways naturally, some learn by watching how things are done some by working out what to do themselves. Any learning, no matter by what method, has to have a common basis.
In either way sufferers have been, in most cases, missing both teaching methods from their carers and/or parents. Sufferers have not by been taught by example or guidance even the basic human needs of protection and/or nurture.

I can understand that some people might find it difficult to understand how just talking about things helps when they are a person of action. This could make them sceptical of the efficacy of traditional talk methods.

Other therapies are now becoming more and more used, art therapy for example, colour therapy, touch therapy and other therapies that engage you in a more hands on method of improvement.

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Whitneys story]

JMHO Intelligence has nothing to do with it! The tools are everywhere if one has the desire to find them. The fix is also available but is different for everyone.

Neurolinguistics, breaks out and explains the personality of language and understanding. Some see, others hear and some feel.

Therefore one comment will be deciphered many different ways. As well one therapist can not make such a concrete statement and apply to all!

I would be very on guard of this one. JMHO

 

[saffy]

Hi Whitney

Not sure what you are referring too? I might have my wires crossed. OOOps sorry if so.

I was not talking about learning for intelligence in the academic sense of the word.

But in Learning, as an example, You teach your children to be happy with being able to show and accept affection by both showing them affection and encouraging them to be affectionate themselves.

Sufferers have never had either. In some talking therapies just talking will not be as affective if say you combined this with a complementary or other hands on therapy. And therefore, yes, I would think that some people :

''As a result, they tend to get frustrated by traditional therapy and don 't believe that it helps."

I think that some people have trouble working things out by just talking or haven't the skills to disclose how they are really feeling or thinking in a constructive way, they might be confused or have no idea how they are supposed to feel or behave. Role play, for example, would be more beneficial in some cases.

I am not sure whether the original statement was anything to do with a promotion of a particular therapy though ?

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Abstract]

Hi ((((Pencil))),

I never found my way back here after all. :rolleyes: When I was about to I saw you had made up with your T and needed to change what I was going to say.

I never got to say how impressed I was that you went back and sorted things out. I think that is what makes the difference in having success with treatment. Very impressive so well done.

I do still have things to say on this topic so will be back. I hope T is going OK.

 

[Pencil]

Ok. I think that quote is a complete crock of shit, for the most part... and someone who is trying to sell a specific therapy type more than likely created it for that purpose

Let me guess... some type of attachment therapy based on childhood upbringing?

Well, it might just work for me.

 

[Pencil]

Hi ((((Pencil))),



I do still have things to say on this topic so will be back. .

I'm still waiting patiently, Abstract :sleep:

 

[Phenioxrising]

I agree pencil, on the more intelligent you are the more your able to access. But I think that both T and client should be working together.

This way, you can get to know one another so you'll feel more comfortable with the process.

Helps to have a good book on how the process works too.