Avoidance Vs Healthy Boundaries

[Sues]

It costs you nothing to walk away.

I love this Gizmo!! Well said.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you for that. I appreciate it alot. I do not have to get dragged down. It took me many years to learn this lesson. Big hugs.

 

[saffy]

Saffy how do you choose to not let it upset you? I really want to know. This could help me with my own boundry issues.

mmm... Its like a state of mind. I imaging them calling, then think I can either sit and wind myself up about it or I can completely empty my head of any thoughts of it, it is then gone, does not exist in my head. I then think about the feeling it must be like to have it completely removed from my thoughts as if they were never a person I new. At that particular moment I think that can be totally possible, at this very moment they are gone; Im not thinking about them at all; to me they don't exist and so I can have this feeling if I want at anytime, I am in control of my thoughts. I now know that I do have a choice of my thoughts if he does ring. It would just be a phone ringing if the person the other end does not exist to you anymore.

I can then be focusing on other more important things in my life. The people I love and respect, anyone else can only come in to my head if I think they are good for my life, the rest will be put aside and dismissed with no more acknowledgement.

Something like that anyway, I suppose it is a little like self hypnosis. :)

So I guess basically I am taking more control of my life and my immediate thoughts. I have also set the ultimate boundary that I am strong enough to stick to.

My personal boundary would be to never let negative people in my life, if it feels wrong trust my instincts and move on. Deny them existence. Even people from my past ;)


Best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you Saffy, I appreciate that. I need to take control over my thoughts. This will take some practice.

 

[saffy]

It will but it is possible, believe me :) Small steps day by day.

There are a lot of situations you can 'act out' and imagine yourself going through in a win win ending because you can feel what it is like to take the other path towards inner peace in a place you feel safe. If the real event happened you know more on how you will feel and how to act in the moment before your thoughts start going out of control. By practising this and gaining the benefits of letting go of negativity you find inner peace. But you have to learn to be honest with yourself and a willingness to accept which feelings you prefer to live with.

A bit hard to explain, hope that makes sense. As long as the focus is on making yoursef happy and content and at peace with your life try anything to let it happen.

Best wishes
Saffy :)