Avoiding sexuality altogether

[EveHarrington]

@EveHarrington
This unfortunately rings so true for me...idk what to do...

Idk if I'm any good. I just know I'll give him anything he wants. (If I didn't, again, why would anyone stay with me? "You're a lousy f*ck, I'm out!" ----Can't have that!)

 

[Sideways]

I'm really good at and I just think without that piece yes why would any guy want to be with me

There's a lot of cognitive distortions going on in this thread, but I feel like this statement is not just inaccurate, it's making some very unfair assumptions about guys.

I realise that they're not the type of people you may have experience with thus far, but there's a whole heap of really good quality guys (and women) out there who would be really turned off by someone approaching a relationship with this mindset.

It may be (may not be, I'm just floating an idea) worthwhile considering whether perhaps approaching people with this assumption on board (basically, that everyone else puts sex before any other personal quality) may perhaps be limiting the kind of people willing to habg around.

And I put that out there not to be judgmental, but because I have definitely come across as a really shallow, unattractive sort of person by approaching some guys with the premise: I know you must want sex.

And it kind of makes sense. Because, it's offensive when guys assume that we're just a sexual object. The same works both ways.

Like I said, really not intending to come across as having a go at anyone - just putting my experience out there, which is that this approach really does tend to preclude any deeper relationships from being possible.

 

[EveHarrington]

There's a lot of cognitive distortions going on in this thread, but I feel like this statement i...

"Hang around"....

You're assuming that we even get to this step. I don't have guys interested in me, period. (Aside from jerk I just got rid of.)

There is no weeding out process because there is nobody to weed out.

It's not like this belief is plastered across my forehead. Nobody (and I do mean nobody) knows I think this way.

My belief is this.

I'm not attractive so of course guys aren't interested in me. (Been like this my whole life.) ......unless I'm willing to f*ck them.

This thread is spiking my self loathing. I pray that in my next life I'm reborn as an attractive person, even if I am as dumb as a box of rocks.

 

[Sideways]

It's not like this belief is plastered across my forehead.

True. And I'm not pretending to have all the answers because I'm a long way from being in a healthy relationship.

But I do think that a lot of communication, about where we're at in our headspace, goes on without our realising or intending. If we walk into a room telling ourself "All I'm good for is sex..."? We won't be walking out of that room with the man of our dreams on our arm.

 

[EveHarrington]

True. And I'm not pretending to have all the answers because I'm a long way from being in a hea...

I hate myself so much that even entertaining the idea that I'm not loathesome makes me feel like the biggest fraud on the face of the planet.

It's a struggle.

I should probably stay out of relationships.

It all starts with physical traits being the first reason you catch someone's eye (quite often). The thoughts spiral from there.

 

[WishfulThinking123]

There's a lot of cognitive distortions going on in this thread, but I feel like this statement is not just inaccurate, it's making some very unfair assumptions about guys.

Thank you for this post! Really-thank you for being willing to be so honest with me. I have come aware of this fact that acting like a for lack of better terms "slut" is probably why I have been treated like one. It is just very difficult for me to move out of this mindset... I have also come aware that I am no longer the "college age" so this mindset is really not thought highly of and because, of the things I have said I think I have also lost regular friends as well... I am just disgusting but, I have been shown over and over that this is all guys want from me....I am not saying this is all guys want in general but...from me per se this is all I'm good for...

 

[Tinyflame]

@EveHarrington I'm just saying this gently, where would would be if we just parked (all) the thoughts at any given moment(s)?

(Yes I realize it's the 'how' that's hard. :hug: )

 

[Sideways]

@WishfulThinking123 - I find it pretty frightening trying to put the sex to the side. For all that I hate it, it's familiar and fits with my self concept, so it feels safer in a way. Give yourself time, and lots of self compassion.

 

[EveHarrington]

@EveHarrington I'm just saying this gently, where would would be if we just parked (a...

Unsafe CHAOS!