Awkward silence...arrghhhhh

[Guest]

Started therapy with a new T.

The walk to the office is in silence. No how r u ? No small talk. I just follow him . Really weird.
Go in....sit on sofa...he sits...

Looks at me.
I am looking at him.

Silence .

I m thinking omg how am i supposed to start??? Ask him how he is?
We literaly sat ...looking at each other for about 2 mins. Yup..time yourself...its prettyy looong !!!
Then i just did a nerdy laugh ...and became uncomfortable...n finally he said whats on your mind today....phew ..then i started talking. Everytime i finshed talking.. he wud be quiet...i am thinking ok ..i m done talking...do u have something to say...he would sit there ..looking at me....and i cant exxagerate or talk anymore...or explain furthur...i just then said.."so thats that..hmmm..."
Silence
Then he wud say something. . N i can breathe a lil easier.

Hes a phd..over 30 yrs experience...with glowing reviews.

Hes cbt and pschodynamic.

I m worried how will i start next session..

What if he doesnt say anything for 5 mins. V sit in silence...how do i break it?
What is the point of starting session this way ? Y cant he just say how was ur week? Whats on your mind?
I feel really weird walking in...sitting down and start talking without the other person engaging first. Just imagine it. After a'cold' walk in hallwYs following him...quietly...it feels like i m talking to someone who may not wanna talk to me. Once v start. .its okay.

What r ur thoughts?

 

[EveHarrington]

Where did you see these "glowing" reviews?

 

[UnicornSightings]

Yeah that's not uncommon. For psychodynamic especially that's their style I think. My first t was like that. Omg it was soooooo uncomfortable. I was beyond anxious and I was there for anxiety lol! And it made it worse! So the whole point is to get to YOU. And that's done by waiting to see what you do. What you say. What you don't say. How you squirm, when you squirm, when you stop squirming. Those times when they talk back are the BEST lol! It didn't work for me as a first experience but if I needed to explore more down the road I may pick someone like that again. It's super intense and if you are anything like I was, I had NO IDEA at all of how therapy in general should go. What I needed to talk about to heal, how to talk about it.... I really needed some help and she wouldn't. It took me a long time to switch but my current therapist is way more focused and doesn't make me squirm. I still have to decide how I want therapy to go but she helps me. Good luck if you stick with it! You might talk to him about it. Say you at least want some small talk at first. I did that with my current t. I like to start with easy stuff. Makes me happy and comfortable. Or ask him stuff about himself. That can help if he will disclose. Or (if you can) say that this style isn't working, can we try something else?

Let us know how it goes! Even just email him. He can't be silent in a response lol.

 

[Crow]

Yep. My first therapist was like that. I would just sit there. She would sit there. One day she asked what I was thinking. I said I was counting the clock ticks. She fired me. Best thing that happened in my early therapy.

 

[UnicornSightings]

Yep. My first therapist was like that. I would just sit there. She would sit there. One day she ask...

are you serious?!! Lol! She fired you for that?! The therapist I had like that told me to stop fidgeting. I was peeling the label from a bottle cause I was so nervous. She said it was distracting. Distracting you from what??!!! It was silent except for that lol!

 

[Friday]

Hes cbt and pschodynamic.

There's the reason for the silence, right there.

It may be something you come to love, it may drive you nuts & you'll need to find a new T.

 

[anonymous]

are you serious?!! Lol! She fired you for that?! The therapist I had like that told me to s...

I am so familiar with the silent therapy. We do that a lot....for a year we have done that...only we don't stare at one another because I stare at the walls or the floor, or his shoes, or into space...anywhere but his direction.

I was told to put my fidget spinner away. The noise of the bearings was too loud.

I was also told to stop clicking a tally counter.

It is super quiet now.

On occasion he will talk. He is CBT.

Progress has been slow.

 

[EveHarrington]

Why pay for silence?

Can't you do that at home for free?

 

[Deleted member 29920]

I had one who done that...at first I was all nervous and annoyed..after a few times of not even saying 'hi' to me, I said ' I get the feeling you're not going to tell me what to talk about?' 'you're absolutely right' :unsure: I'm still not sure WHY they do it, but after a few sessions I was used to it and would just go in and unload whatever was in my head and some of the therapist's responses were helpful.... but I still prefer a therapist who'll guide me, and have quite a structured way of working. And often I'd come out with meaningless crap just to fill the silence...which is stupid....

 

[blueangel371115]

I guess I'm spoiled. My T, at least for the this first one, started asking questions and talking. Not just 'tell me how you're feeling right now'. But more like 'what happened? What can you tell me? When did it happen and how old were you?' I was surprised my first therapist was the opposite so that's what I was expecting.