I want to complain to the higher ups, but being that it is technically hear say, I don’t know that that will actually accomplish anything. Especially since she says she has reported that and other issues and . . . well. . . he’s still employed.
Focus on the things you can control. No one person has the power to change the world, not
really. When we think of that one person who did all this or that, what it really was - is that the person was a catalyst by which to inspire whole groups of people to adopt their methodology or to make those needed changes. An event can spark it off, a powerful orator can draw attention, but
change is inherently a social activity.
Don't try to take on a whole other person's limitations. His mistakes and his conduct do not belong to you. What you
can do, is make a report with the information you have been given and what you have witnessed. If nothing gets done about it, then that goes to show your environment is systemically negligent. To impact an institution on that level, you would need to commit yourself to a long, hard battle involving the media, lawyers, protesting, etc.
Are you prepared to do that? Then by all means, go for it. But you are not obligated to do it. The onus should not be on us to fix what is broken in society, especially as we are the ones suffering from it. To say it is our responsibility is nothing more than victim-blaming. The obligation has always been with our corrupt institutions, to recognize their own wrongdoing as they are fully comprised of self-aware adults who understand right and wrong, and to rectify their poor behavior.
We can only do what we can do, a drop at a time. Focus on your self-care first; you cannot assist other people if you cannot assist yourself. Put on your own oxygen mask. Make a report, and then focus on letting it go. Letting him be wrong, letting it be bad. Again, unless you are willing to get into an immense structural battle.
I’ve just never had it quite so blatantly demonstrated to an adult authority and so I was really caught off guard. I’m going back and forth on whether to report her. She didn’t mention any particular incidents, and she didn’t mention specific names (a lot of “this girl” and “that girl”), but the way she talked about them was incredibly mean.
It's obvious that she has been neglected by the adults in her life, as it appears she has failed to form any real empathetic connection to her peers. As a 13 year old, this behavior is not ingrained, nor set in stone. What really needs to happen is that she needs to find an adult in her life who will continuously challenge her and also
nurture her.
The last bit is the most important. She's probably been challenged all the time, and has learned to just brush it off, as just "someone else criticizing me, well, they're stupid and so are you." But what she
hasn't got a lot of, is proper nurturing. Not just to tell her that she is wrong and bad, but that they recognize that she is intelligent enough to develop social skills that will connect her to other people instead of dehumanizing and objectifying them. To find something positive about
her to draw on, and encourage.
It is definitely apparent that she has been exposed to this behavior in her personal life, probably by someone who says very similar things - about themselves, but probably about her, too. It's a complicated problem that has a complicated solution. If you want to take this on, you will have to dedicate a lot of time and energy to help her. You won't be a safe place for bullying, but in terms of therapeutic assistance, you will need to listen to her opinions and her thoughts and give her space to express herself authentically.
A majority of which will likely contain bullying. After which, you can begin to help her transform her negativity and verbal aggression into something productive. If that is not something you are comfortable with, because at its core it is essentially providing therapy, then you need to make a report with all of this information in it so that the right people can be matched to her.
