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Boundaries Around the Sex Talk and More


So I’m really close to my niece who is finishing her freshman year of high school. Her parents are my brother and his ex wife, both of whom I’m relatively close to as well.

She’s starting to notice boys and talks to me about them. The thing is, I know her parents aren’t really about the sex talk. They aren’t religious, they just still very much view her like she’s still a little kid and isn’t ready. They tend to go along with just ignoring it and pretending she’ll always be abstinent.

But it’s more than that. I’ve made it very clear that she can always come to me for anything but I haven’t really broached things past that. I work at the school she goes to and so I know this boys and the other kids she’s around and while I trust her, they’re teens. It’s just a thing.

I want to know if anyone who is a parent would feel okay if your kid’s aunt had a discussion with your daughter about safety. Because even if she doesn’t choose to do anything, we all know how much pressure high school boys can apply. I want to teach her consent, safety, and what to expect but I don’t want to cross any boundaries.

I’ve asked my brother and he’s okay with me talking to her, her mom on the other hand has a lot of other things going on and her focus is just in a vastly different area.
In my opinion, this knowledge is a basic human right. If her parents don’t talk about it, you should, in my opinion. It’s hard for me to tell how we would feel if an aunt on our side had a discussion about safety with our daughter because we have been doing it from very early on.

In this age, she will get information about sex whether her parents want it or not, so maybe it is better if she gets this information from a good source like you.
I think I'd have felt more comfortable talking to a trusted aunt than my own parents about it at that age.

I have a niece too and I found books about the topic suuuuper helpful. There's some brilliantly written books about it, these days - just the right tone/ amount of information/ ways of explaining it, etc... And I find it's so much easier giving a kid a really excellent resource like that and then adding "You can ask me anything about this stuff" rather than trying to start a laboured, awkward conversation and trying to cover all the important issues...

I'd invest some time/ effort in a local bookstore and then getting the parents' okay about giving her the book as a resource for her and her friends to be aware and to do good self-care/ self-protection about it.