General Calling Spouses Of People With Combat Ptsd

[Deleted member 28812]

@owl1982 and me thought it would be a good idea to discuss our spouse's combat PTSD in this thread - as well as related issues such as the transition to civilian live for our husbands. We would be happy if others decided to join us.

Suggestion: We could also make an arrangement to meet in the chatroom at a certain time - but I won't be able to attend regularly because of family duties.

 

[Deleted member 28812]

@owl1982 just said that the transition to civilian live was difficult for her because

This job was his life. He's given everything for this country, his mental and physical health, his family, (almost) all his friends, his marriage - everything. With his intellectual abilities, he could've been anything, but he chose this because it was right for him

and

When he gave up the uniform, he gave up both his heart and himself.

My spouse is not in this place because he did it out of a sense of family tradition and duty but had plans for his civilian life which he is making reality now. It must be difficult to deal with this. Does your spouse still see his old military buddies?
Does he work? Does he have a "plan" for the future. I have a friend who works as a coach with people from all walks of life and helps them with different types of transitions - such as school to work/college. I don't know if she had worked with ex militaries so far. She helps them develop a plan for the future and that can be very helpful for many.- unfortunately it is expensive.
Do such coaches exist where you are and do you think it could be helpful?

 

[Owl.]

Wee correction: I'm very much not married to mine. ;)
(My "fault", not his.)

If we were married, the whole current "let's just not (properly) talk to each other at all" business would be even more of a mess than it already is.
Hope I'm allowed to stick around anyway. ;)

 

[Deleted member 28812]

Just wanted to avoid the word "supporter" which sounds like he is very sick... and I think my hubby does not like the idea. He does not like me to worry or pity him.
In fact he said that PTSD is bad enough but if his loved ones worry about him that is even worse. He sees himself as a "protector" and that's important to him. I cannot explain this very well.

 

[Owl.]

Nope, it absolutely makes sense. Not particularly happy with "supporter" or "sufferer" myself, but you gotta give the kid a name, I guess.
's all good. :)

 

[Deleted member 28812]

If we were married, the whole current "let's just not (properly) talk to each other at all" business would be even more of a mess than it already is.
Hope I'm allowed to stick around anyway. ;)

BTW: No! We are married but sometimes it just seems impossible to have a conversation with him. I mean he does talk but what he says just doens't make any sense because he just HATES having a heart-to-heart conversation.
I don't know if it is because he is a man or because he is a Vet or because he is him there are issues he won't discuss but just result to stupid, tasteless jokes and smiles.

I ask him "It is possible to stop joking about this?" "No. *lollollol*"

 

[cowgirl_1582]

I'd like to be part of this, even though my Marine is not technically "husband". I don't think of myself as a supporter, either, but as a partner.

 

[Owl.]

Partner is good. It's what I've been using most of the time before The Beast swallowed me whole (AGAIN :shifty:).
Sad to say, at this very point in time, I can't even be that. Aiming for it again in the long run, once this mess has been dealt with, though. :)
We'll see if/how that works out.
Until then, I'll simply be his friend, he'll be Guy, and we'll continue to stalk each other's online profiles without talking.

I don't know if it is because he is a man or because he is a Vet or because he is him there are issues he won't discuss but just result to stupid, tasteless jokes and smiles.

That's me. That's 110% me, and I'm both female and a civilian. I'm absolutely amazed Guy didn't blow up much, MUCH sooner than he did with the way I kept avoiding the heartfelt stuff like it was going to kill me. It stressed him out to no end (though I chose to ignore that like a complete a** only to feel horrible about it later), yet he took it like a champ until the other crap piled up too high for him to handle. So I guess your answer may be either "that's just the way he is" or "there are things he won't talk about because he can't". Neither one's very healthy, but I firmly believe both can be changed.

As for Guy and his future...he only made the decision to nail them down on their standing offer to let him walk very, VERY recently. After all those years, he's only been out since New Year's. I'm not expecting him to even begin to come to terms with this any time soon.
He's not working, he doesn't have any of his military buddies near him, though he talks to some of them online, and he never made any real plans for his future simply because he fully expected not to live to see the day he'd hang up the uniform. All the great ideas he was bursting with when he decided to walk now...well. They all involved me, and I'm just one of many things he can't handle right now.

I have no idea what he's gonna do. I DO know what he IS doing, and, for once, it seems like a decent idea for the immediate future, but after that...who knows? He'll have to make his own decisions about that. His son and I used to be the only ones who could even hope to gently suggest a way for him without having him blow up in our faces, but since he's the only one living inside his head and the only one who truly knows what he can or cannot handle, he's on his own this time. We can only cheer from the sidelines and hope he doesn't run face first into the next brick wall.

 

[Sighs]

I'm in. My vet was medically discharged due to PTSD about 5 years ago after 25 years as a career infantry soldier. We have been in a relationship for the last 18 months and living together for the last 12 months. Just yesterday, because someone else let him down regarding an appointment, I was told "You civvies are all shit c*nts." Not really sure how to take that...

 

[Sweetpea76]

My sufferer is a vet too. We're not married, but been together for two and a half years. I don't use the terms supporter/sufferer with him at all, just here as part of the common nomenclature. He was medically retired after combat injuries, so he needs help physically as well. That is sucky for a big strapping guy, who is still in his 30s.He still struggles with not being able to be in the military. When he went to the med board, he actually fought to stay in, where as a lot fight to get out.

 

[deaj09]

I'm in, mine was long out of the military when we met and married & he didn't talk about it hardly at all. It wasn't until a year after we were married he started exhibiting different behaviour became angry so quickly and was having nightmares/flashbacks etc.. however he neglected to share anything with me so I was unaware of his situation or feelings as he never spoke of feelings either. I thought he was just being a jerk and because we didn't know each other long before we married I really believed that maybe this jerk was the real him. Our first son was born and life continued on unhappily for the next 6years, then we started marriage counselling as a last resort and shortly after is when he was diagnosed with ptsd. It now has been another 6 years and I feel like I won't make it another 1 let alone 6.

 

[Sighs]

@deaj09 - hugs if you accept them!