Can't Work Without Meds, But I Hate Them

[Sunset]

Thanks. It's getting better, slowly. It's really hard for me to remember that I can walk away if a provider is too bad. That wasn't an option before. I've had my parents called on me (we don't get along at all) for bogus reasons: I "dressed funny" -> I was delusional -> they had to be called. I was a 20something college student experimenting with my looks for the first time because that wasn't allowed while I lived at home. I've had my clothing be an issue with multiple therapists, actually; apparently if I were healthy I'd put on jeans and t-shirts like a normal girl instead of my black skirts and corset tops. Right. Had it happen with body hair once too. I decided not to shave for a bit because, well, I hate shaving and I didn't care to do it just because someone else thought I didn't look pretty enough without it. But clearly this was a symptom of depression because I "wasn't taking care of myself."

And previous times I didn't have a choice. Like I said, I've had my parents called behind my back as an adult. I've had people basically threaten to have me hospitalized if I didn't do what they say. None of these times was I at all suicidal. The problem was that I was doing things that they didn't like - including in one notable case expressing that I thought one guy was overstepping the boundaries of his role. That, of course, just meant I had further trust issues and obviously couldn't function on my own.