Caring About People And At The Same Time Not Caring?

[TeddySue]

In my life, it didn't pay to care.

Because of my last huge trauma, where I lost everything I thought I had, I'm left wondering just how long shock is supposed to last. Shock was the first symptom I realized, after the trauma. It's been 6 years.

I don't dare reach out to anyone because they will be gone soon, and that is not what i need in my life; dealing with losses is not something I take lightly.

He's gone and never coming back. And so began all the losses, one by one. Why do I miss someone who totally betrayed and rejected me so profoundly and left me destroyed? Why?

 

[TeddySue]

Reading everyone's posts - it seems that relationships are truly the hardest part of this disorder - and rightly so as they can cause so much stress thru miscommunication and misinterpretation.

Miscommunication and misinterpretation have followed me all my life. Relationships with me are fragile because I never know when I will just walk away as if it never happened. I can't afford to get emotionally attached to anyone; the fear of rejection is so profound that I reject first in order to not feel the pain I know is coming.

When I was 19, I worked at a factory. I don't know to this day what was really said, but when the bell rang for noon break, I thought I was invited to go with her to eat. She raced out of the building with me trailing behind. I got in the car; nothing was said. We went to her house and she did some small chores while I sat there wondering what was going on. No food. No going to the restaurant. We got back in the car and went back to work.

I have my children, my pets, and our home, and that's all I need...anything else is not worth it.

 

[heather q]

And so began all the losses, one by one. Why do I miss someone who totally betrayed and rejected me so profoundly and left me destroyed? Why?

If we grew up un-attached, we seek out relationships that are similar - it feels comfortable, we recognize it, and we are repeating our early relationship, that is all we know, so we are attracted to it because it is familiar.

If it feels familiar take a serious look before jumping in again. You miss what is familiar, not what is good for you.

I don't know how to figure out what is good for me, I'm still at stage one