Christmas Birthdays

[Warrior Chicken]

I’ve recently wondered if others who share a birthday around Christmas experience similar sentiments -
- guilt for receiving’more’ presents than others.
- need to balance gift giving by giving more to others
- shame for receiving an extra present

This sounds childish and ridiculous to write. Just curious what others feel if they have a birthday that coincides with Christmas.

 

[Charbella]

I have a few people who have one around the holidays and I always feel bad for them because often they get one bigger gift instead of two, my nephew, my mom would always send his gifts wrapped, one in birthday paper one in Christmas. I’d guess most people giving you two gifts feel sorry that you often get lumped with the holiday.
Your shame is likely tied to your trauma, do you generally have an issue receiving gifts? Need to balance compliments or kindness?

 

[Friday]

3 (living) people in my family share 25 December Christmas birthdays. There were a few more in my grandparents & great grandparents generation. 2 more were born 7 January (orthodox Xmas). Half a dozen or so of the cousins were born late December/early January without “sticking the landing”, of the 25th or 7th.

What you write about is FREQUENT conversation / series of observations in my family.

The last generation of 25Dec babies, in particular, are STRICT! about the profusion of gifts. And there really IS a profusion. There are Santa presents, for everyone. There are individually given Christmas gifts, for everyone. And then there are birthday gifts. So it ends up with everyone being given 2 gifts from them, and they’re given 2 gifts from everyone. (As they’re the ones who buy the Santa Gifts, they just treat themselves, kind of thing?).

^^^This side of my family will NEVER do the “secret Santa” adults draw 1 name from a hat, kind of thing, whilst kids get given gifts from all the adults. Which drove all of us new parents, in the next generation, craaaaaaazy… as we were young/broke/in university/with babies & small children. We simply didn’t have the money to participate in how the birthday-Christmas-evolution had progressed, in their generation. (Each successive generation seems to have handled the issue differently than they had grown up with.). So an entire swath of my family had to bow out from celebrating xmas (and birthdays) with the rest of my family.

The current generation of Xmas babies (who are now parents setting rules & regs), thinks that’s insane, and moved their birthdays to their half birthday, and half of those who bowed out, are back in. The rest are holding out for secret santa.

It is a serious, ongoing, and moving target… the holiday babes in my fam.

No abuse/trauma. Just a large extended family, and the complications that come along with that, and trying to make things “fair”.

Which is what it ultimately comes down to… people reeeeeally just trying to make things fair for everyone. And the birthday/Christmas issue isn’t the largest one, in that sphere. The new generation each having different sets of in-laws, & their kids having cousins of their own “outside” the family, and traditions being upheld that aren’t “the family’s”… seeming to baffle the last generation, is the BIGGEST issue. >.< Followed rather closely by the different family structures that are being followed by my generation, creating major cognitive dissonance. The double/triple present thing? A relatively small one. But a very ongoing one.

 

[Warrior Chicken]

Your shame is likely tied to your trauma, do you generally have an issue receiving gifts? Need to balance compliments or kindness?

Yeah, you’re generally spot on there. Though sometimes I’m not sure it’s just an individual peculiarity and hence my check-in with the trusted community here who I appreciate favours honesty.

What you write about is FREQUENT conversation / series of observations in my family.

Your view is always welcomed by me. Thanks.

The last generation of 25Dec babies, in particular, are STRICT! about the profusion of gifts. And there really IS a profusion. There are Santa presents, for everyone. There are individually given Christmas gifts, for everyone. And then there are birthday gifts. So it ends up with everyone being given 2 gifts from them, and they’re given 2 gifts from everyone.

I must be from the same generation as this one lol My tendency for this type of balancing is very similar. Except for this year. I re-wrote my script on gift giving and didn’t give any to the adults. Feels REALLY bad.

Which is what it ultimately comes down to… people reeeeeally just trying to make things fair for everyone. And the birthday/Christmas issue isn’t the largest one, in that sphere.

Your family sounds stellar. Where do I fill out an application?

 

[Tinyflame]

Hi @Warrior Chicken . Idk but I have a birthday after Christmas and had a sister with one before it, aunt on the 24th, etc. I am in general more comfortable giving than receiving. But as you've described it's a better problem to have than to have your birthday forgotten or lost in the shuffle? I don't know what it is like to be born or have a birthday 'off season', but I think most people enjoy giving to others for their birthday other times of the year. If anything, I kind of feel sorry if anyone thinks of mine since it's a time people are often pressed for money and time, and nowadays it can be a real struggle. But it also feels kind of ~empty (?) when it's forgotten. I think though people should give when they want and in what ways they want or can, sincerely only, and cultivate trying to accept joyfully. (I, too, am not a fan of Secret Santa exchanges, tbh. Good for a few laughs but kind of opposite to how/to whom/ or why I give). I like to do something on my birthday I've never done before. It can even be simple: trying a new food, going somewhere I've never been; staying in when I'd go out or going out when I'd stay home. Re-writing a lousy memory with a different experience, etc. (I'm not one for caring as much if or what suits convention.). As I age I am more flexible with traditions as in some are important whereas others can change.

I will say one thing I learned recently is that having a birthday between Christmas and New Year's feels like a 'new year', which no one with birthdays at other of times says it feels like. It's kind of overwhelming tbh with Christmas-Birthday-New Year's. But, like this year it's a sunday for me and I am off, and was born on sunday, which only rolls around so often. And always here school was out, and around the city too there are lights, music, food and celebrations, so I kind of feel it's already always dressed up for celebrating. Same having a Christmas tree. I'm most surprised I made it this far, really.

You mention you felt badly giving to the children but not the adults. But the way things are today especially hopefully the adults also realize the best gift you want for each other is also peace and security. You can give any time all year, not heap expectations on to one day or season.

When you put it in to perspective though, it's a great problem to have. Or rather, why make something which hopefully should be joyful in to a problem? Give as you are able and wish, enjoy expressions of love or caring you receive, and most of all recognize the gifts that don't come wrapped.

PS- Happy birthday!

 

[Charbella]

I re-wrote my script on gift giving and didn’t give any to the adults. Feels REALLY bad.

Yeah I decided to leave out a few and I’m definitely regretting it. But then guilt collectors like us would feel that way no matter what. I’m trying to remember if not this then what? I decided because the ones I left off tend to poo poo my gift so I figured I could feel bad that they hated my gift or that they didn’t think I gave them enough, either way I feel bad.