Coming back to an abusive household: college

[Sunny6]

It's summer vacation, meaning I'm back home to live with my mother.

It's so weird; I go from being an open and fun person to reserved and on edge once I'm at home. My pent up emotions usually come out while I'm at college. The self hatred, sadness, and anxiety. When I'm at home I revert into myself and hold my tongue. I cannot walk around the house without being worried that she will get angry at me. I am always on edge. It's only day two.

I miss being in college because I felt so free... here I'm trapped. I was able to express my pent up emotions with my boyfriend and close friend. I felt like I was progressing as a person but once I'm home my progress goes on hold. Already I feel like a failure with her ignoring me and not caring. I know what she's capable of if I do something wrong.

Here's to surviving 4 months in this house. I can do it.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

Even in the best of parental situation, coming home from college is really hard. You find yourself back in that previous childhood role despite all of the independence you feel while away.

All four years of college summers, I found a job that was at a summer camp. You lived at the camp, worked, made a little money, and still had weekends off, but could live at the camp during that time. (Really good memories/friendships came out of it) It is probably too late to find one of those jobs for this summer, but you could plan for it in the future.

 

[scout86]

I can't even imagine spending 'summer vacation' at my parent's house. I second the idea of coming up with a different plan.

 

[desiderata310]

@Sunny6 the last time I went back to my parent's house was over Christmas break my freshman year. It was brutal.

Can I gently suggest a couple of jobs and volunteer work?Maybe an outdoor hobby that will keep you out and busy until late. Anything to keep you busy and out of the house. Seriously. All you really need it a place to crash when it's time to sleep, shower and do your laundry. It will help keep things perfunctory on the home front.

 

[cupfish]

I am the mom of twin college students, and I have PTSD. Full support of everything above. The dynamic is hard and I have a calm and loving household. Don't stay if you can live a healthy life for the next few months away from home. Relatives? Dear friends?

 

[cupfish]

Your mom may not going to see your deciding to live elsewhere in a positive light. You seem clear, stay with that. Listen to your inner voice. Don't be clouded by anger and fear, they fuel PTSD. You're not too young to do this; be bold, do it for you, and no decent mother would do this to her child, period. How are you today?

 

[CT_Girl]

Maybe try to make a list of things you can do outside the house: work, volunteer, exercise, shopping, get coffee, etc. Maybe you can take some college classes over the summer if they're available

 

[anthony]

Can you spend the holiday period with a friend elsewhere?

 

[The Albatross]

While surely not optimal... if it's a necessity, can you switch focus to opportunities to practice maintenance, stress reduction, self care skills, boundary setting and effective communication?

Scanning a really tough situation for opportunities to practice skill sets, self regulate and stuff pulls a lot of focus off of what "they are doing" and brings it back to me.