News Coming Out - Debate

[heidi]

Well, I personally don't think people understand, so what good does it do? I guess that's a cynical view. But people don't know what that information means. I think the people who are close to you can understand because they see it. So.. for them it might be more.. oh, this makes sense.

 

[Britt.f7]

How do I tell my teenage son? How would a child react to knowing his mother was abused as a child and young adult. I'm very scared of what his response might be. When I've told 'partners' in the past they sometimes get very angry and I disappear as quick as a flash. Sometimes they refuse point blank to hear it and say 'you need to discuss that with a councellor, I don't want to hear it', but how do you have a relationship with someone and only present the veneer of yourself, hiding the thoughts that pervade (waaay too much of) the day?

I've told my son in a very matter of fact way (which is how I tend to discuss it). When my boys were growing up I tried very hard to not allow my feelings or troubles with my family not effect them. I wanted them to have their own relationship with them without my bias. Not to say I didn't watch over them. I was vigilant in that respect which bothered some of my relatives. Too bad for that.

Now, about telling my boys, I waited until I felt they could understand it and deal with it. I asked if they had any questions, they really didn't. What they did know is that I was willing to discuss it with them. That I wouldn't sugar coat it. What they didn't do is judge me. Perhaps that is what happens with kids instead of partners. Only you will know when the right time is.

I once had a partner who I shared my childhood with. He then met my mother. When we were leaving he told me she was so nice that he couldn't believe the things I said. I felt slapped in the face. I told him that just because she was nice with him didn't mean that she didn't do the things she did. He seemed to respect that. Still his words stung.

I wish you well in telling your child. It is a hard thing to tell anyone about.

 

[Britt.f7]

Hmm, as far as coming out...I do not want people to define me by my past. I have shared some things with people who have asked or spoke of similar things. I try not to be ashamed about it. My sister hates if I talk about the past. She wants to remember it through rose colored glasses. There were also times where she was my confirmation about things that happened. More often then not though she would rather I not talk about it.

I guess my own fear of shame gets in the way.