Complex Ptsd Rollercoaster

[darrenS]

I was diagnosed with ptsd a few years back , i have been working with a therapist in trying to get a handle on things, however the more we work the worse i have gotten. I recently seperated from my wife and moved into a new neighborhood. Well this neighborhood is a bit deadly , gangs , drugs etc etc, and sadly as ive been working on things , they have also worked against me by opening up all types of behaviours. I was lonely as i know no one , and made friends with a guy, who happened to have a very violent history. I did not become aware of this but felt it , but due to my own mess, could not read it or denied my instincts. Sadly i was ripped off , shock horror , and when i tired to rectify it , was nearly stabbed by his wife , which then of course brought police into the picture. They did not do anything and the couple started threatening me many times a day via text , they described how they would assasinate me by gunshot, they threatened in every way they could. I remained as calm as i could , but of course with real terror running through my veins, it was extremely difficult . I have managed to back them off with threats of my own...ie: Police and simply not being drawn into their game. Sadly i am now in constant flashbacks , i had not used heroin in 23 years and suddenly i started to use , luckily i have stopped , i was able to get some handle on it - but i am totally and completely lost , ashamed and embarrassed.

Does anyone else suffer from the same thing, it just seems im constantly getting myself truamatized - i have truly lost count of the number of times my life has been in serious danger - its almost a daily thing.

This illness is such a bitch, it not only robs you of any good , but throws you under the bus whenever it suits

 

[Little Flower]

Don't be embarrassed. Don't feel ashamed. Today is a new day and u can make new choices. Think of urself as one of your children or a beautiful promising youngster. Would u want them to use dangerous drugs? Of course not. U need to have the same empathy for urself. Ur body. U are no less a precious gift than they are.

 

[darrenS]

Thanks Flower it means a lot , it is a new day, i managed to stop last week and clean up , just getting tired of the roller coaster, but i spose its to be expected , have been doing LTE , its really made things hard at the moment, but they will get better -

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation . Really well done for staying clean and keep it up. Massive achievement . Try to stay positive , I know it's hard so hard when everything gets in top of u but damaging yourself and putting your self at high risk is not the answer . Kud u b rehoused maybe ? Keep up with any therapy coz it will help Eventhough really hard at times and try to focus on good things in life even if their are only tiny things it will help you to feel positive and confident. Good luck and try not to revert back to the heroin , it will just make the flashbacks worse, u got thru once before u can do it again, drugs don't resolve anything they just mask pain and make you feel ill nd paranoid. It's not the answer. Good luck I know u can do it x

 

[darrenS]

yes i will stay clean, i allowed it to happen, but as for now...no way ...sometimes you expect a slip, but i spose after 23 years of being clean, i dropped my guard

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

And that's k too as long as you are strong enough not to go gown thT slippery road again !!! Esp with lots of obstacles in the way!!!