Compulsive Lying

[Vubul]

Now if this kid is somehow able to stay self sufficient and strong while I am not, then I will let him eat first.

You do understand you're severely underestimating children, right?

& That many times the toughest fighters out there ARE children. People that adult, reasonable, well trained men don't want to f*cking cross paths with because a fighting kid will go bonkers on them without a blink.

 

[Cizumu]

OP I think you're in total denial. Even "small" lies can be devastating and destroy relationships.

I don't think you a...

I can see where you'd get that and now that's making me doubt myself. I do want to change... but for the sake of this person and only for this person. Once that person is out of the picture whether through death or some other means, then I won't care. I only want to change to keep this friend of mine safe from my abusive nature.

 

[Cizumu]

You do understand you're severely underestimating children, right?

& That many times the toughest fighters out there AR...

A little 12 year old kid? I could choke him to death easily. Adults can't handle kids because they panic at a tiny mound of flesh going all crazy on them. Just stay calm and one swift move..

 

[Cizumu]

I find the content of this thread disturbing, not the lying itself but the cold calculation.

You never said what the ma...

What do you mean cold calculation? And don't worry i did not murder anyone haha. I don't want to deal with the consequences for that.

 

[Cizumu]

Are you sure you're not on the Autism spectrum? That's what I'm picking up here.

That's a very interesting point you make, can you elaborate based on the evidence you've gathered? I will add, I do have an unspecified communicative disorder and Auditory Processing Disorder which makes me sensitive to sounds and loud noises. I wear earplugs to manage some of it. There are other things as well, but to be honest I am too lazy to list them.

 

[Efij]

A little 12 year old kid? I could choke him to death easily. Adults can't handle kids because they panic at a tiny mound of flesh going all crazy on them. Just stay calm and one swift move..

Wow! This distrubs me...a lot. I was 12 when I was placed in a cult with a psycopath. 2 actually. This is very distubing to me.

OP, reading through this thread, to me, it sounds like you are justifying it. I thought, at first, that you wanted to change but changing for a person isn't change. You must change because YOU WANT TO CHANGE. Not for another. Because YOU want to. I am not seeing that here, at all. I am seeing "well, I sorta care about this girl and well she doesn't want me to so I guess I will change for her". That is not how change happens, at all.

Pull yourself out of your denial. Be straight with your therapist. And want change simply because lying, manipulating for fun, lying for fun, f*cking with people for fun is WRONG and abusive.

And learn to have empathy. You can fake empathy but to really care about another is so damn important in life. And when you don't and manipulate and lie because you can and for fun is how a lot of us ended up with PTSD to begin with.

Which also makes me question what you are needing from us. We can't help you. Only you with a therapist can. All we can do is tell you its wrong but you already know that. So what are you needing from us?

 

[Nucog]

Are you sure you're not on the Autism spectrum? That's what I'm picking up here.

Oro here again. No it won't be. People on the spectrum struggle with theory of mind/cognitive empathy and not so much emotional empathy. Thats the way I understand it.
The OP is very skilled with cognitive empathy and is impaired with emotional empathy. Fits sociapathy if anything. The more info there the more it fits. Boredom. Low emotional intensity. Manipulation. Low emotional empathy. Not that any of us can diagnose of course. That would be the role of a pdoc.

This is not at all what someone on the autistic spectrum would be describing. Internally.

 

[Analol]

Lying and manipulation is derealization and depresonalization

2 different topics.

Lying is 1. Survival tactic.
Not caring about others, except for those in a tight circle, is 2. Defense tactic.

 

[Ligega]

Its also interesting how everyone jumps to the conclusion that the person isn't female when they discuss lack of empathy. The OP is female.

Oro

 

[Pozar]

There's been a lot of noise on the thread, so I went back to the first post.

As I got better, I also became interested in psychology and how to read body language though due to my past, I have become sensitive to the emotions and behaviours of other people. If someone is upset, at me or not, I'll find them "scary" and I avoid them.

Is this still true? If not, how do you respond now?

when I lie, it's out of boredom. When I say things that are brutally honest or manipulative, it's due to boredom. I have no problem belittling myself if I think it'll help that other person feel better about themselves, but I can just as easily turn around and belittle them. It's just how I feel like experimenting with on that given time.

What does boredom feel like, to you - can you describe it? And the way you describe lying, it sounds like you are on the 'outside' of the experience the whole time, and observing yourself. Is this accurate?

I do care for other people... just very very select few. If I care about anyone else outside of that tiny circle, it's more like indirect compassion/affection.

That sounds like a normal person with attachment issues, to me.

Sometimes I don't even think about it and it's like verbal diarrhea haha. I just sputter out a lie without even realizing it sometimes.

And that's habit. Habits can be broken.

I do have an unspecified communicative disorder and Auditory Processing Disorder which makes me sensitive to sounds and loud noises.

I've only known one person with auditory processing disorder, and he had immense difficulty understanding what other people were communicating to him, especially when it was information of any kind - in a meeting, or someone telling a story over dinner, it didn't matter which. In addition, he expressed that when he hit the mental 'wall' of too much auditory information, he got very disengaged, and would appear to drift. He described it as being bored. Is this possibly related to your own APD and boredom?

 

[Acutej]

I am not sure if it's a level of dissociation where I don't care about anyone else. I will speak with my therapist abou...

I'm starting to think you're trying to get a reaction.

 

[Sujezo]

When fk"false truth" I mean making someone believe a lie I told them by having "evidence" for the possible doubter...

That's called gaslighting. And it's flatout abuse.