coraxxx
Policy Enforcement
I noticed I keep doing this since years.
Basically, I have something to do. It can be anything, as long as I sort of interpret it as something I want to do.
By example, I want to brush my teeth and end up having a shower instead, or make a coffee and toasts.
Or, I decided to do some X administration and instead, I bought something that was missing.
Or, I go to the dressing for fetching something and forget about what I’m doing in there, so I start cleaning.
Or, I want a glass of water, watch it for a long while standing there, then wash a dish and leave.
I wondered if that was common. When I explain that to friends, I see it seems so completely bonkers to them I deflect and change the subject.
Actually I’ve been doing that type of things since so long I sort of adapted a workaround that allows me to do something. Before, I would simply not do anything. So now I have this kind of shifting lists of tasks that have to be done and it works as such…
I’m feeling something is moderately causing avoidance
Instead of just blocking it I’ll pick something else I’m avoiding, but less than that one
And with experience I discovered I cannot anticipate what I’ll be avoiding, so there is a sort of sliding list (that is written, if I just hold it in my head I’ll end up making a cake at 3AM) where I’d pick whatever looks accessible to do now. So at least something is done.
While this system allows me to do a few things rather than nothing, the fact I can’t plan an order of things is really problematic when actions have to follow each others. Some stuff that is very automated such as printmaking gestures or 3D modelling it’s okay, I really struggle with things that cause some disruption in the flow of thoughts, as if I struggled to reconnect once I disconnected, and then the wiring just goes wherever it wants instead of where I would like it to go.
At home the effects of it are moderate but for work prospects and administration it’s pure hell. I can’t afford having this kind of dysfunction all the time. Because the rewiring thing means that in between each task I’ll have a sort of idle moment where honestly, all that is in my head is a bunch of butterflies passing with fragments of music repeating themselves ad nauseam.
Does anyone relate? What are your ways to work around this?
I posted it in General but mods feel free to move it in a more appropriate place. I don’t know if it should go under dissociation or avoidance. It seems to be a bit in-between.
Basically, I have something to do. It can be anything, as long as I sort of interpret it as something I want to do.
By example, I want to brush my teeth and end up having a shower instead, or make a coffee and toasts.
Or, I decided to do some X administration and instead, I bought something that was missing.
Or, I go to the dressing for fetching something and forget about what I’m doing in there, so I start cleaning.
Or, I want a glass of water, watch it for a long while standing there, then wash a dish and leave.
I wondered if that was common. When I explain that to friends, I see it seems so completely bonkers to them I deflect and change the subject.
Actually I’ve been doing that type of things since so long I sort of adapted a workaround that allows me to do something. Before, I would simply not do anything. So now I have this kind of shifting lists of tasks that have to be done and it works as such…
I’m feeling something is moderately causing avoidance
Instead of just blocking it I’ll pick something else I’m avoiding, but less than that one
And with experience I discovered I cannot anticipate what I’ll be avoiding, so there is a sort of sliding list (that is written, if I just hold it in my head I’ll end up making a cake at 3AM) where I’d pick whatever looks accessible to do now. So at least something is done.
While this system allows me to do a few things rather than nothing, the fact I can’t plan an order of things is really problematic when actions have to follow each others. Some stuff that is very automated such as printmaking gestures or 3D modelling it’s okay, I really struggle with things that cause some disruption in the flow of thoughts, as if I struggled to reconnect once I disconnected, and then the wiring just goes wherever it wants instead of where I would like it to go.
At home the effects of it are moderate but for work prospects and administration it’s pure hell. I can’t afford having this kind of dysfunction all the time. Because the rewiring thing means that in between each task I’ll have a sort of idle moment where honestly, all that is in my head is a bunch of butterflies passing with fragments of music repeating themselves ad nauseam.
Does anyone relate? What are your ways to work around this?
I posted it in General but mods feel free to move it in a more appropriate place. I don’t know if it should go under dissociation or avoidance. It seems to be a bit in-between.