Conversations After Recovery... Stigmatization? :(

[muspel]

I was diagnosed PTSD more than a year ago and I've been living with it for 7 years. I had two different traumas, one very severe, death-related (the last stage of Alzheimers), but it's not this topic. And I also had two different therapist; the last one was finally good enough. I've finished my therapy last year and now I feel I handle my life and all my symptoms are gone for now. Maybe... almost all, I'm still sensitive and it's walking on thin ice. But I feel really fine. And now that I know what's wrong with me, I know how to proceed if anything returns.

Today I told my bf of seven years that my advisor's getting married. You must know that due to things related to my childhood problems, my first trauma (bullying in high school) and death-related things that somehow mixed in my brain, marriage (the ceremony particularly) was my big trigger for years. I felt so stressed I needed to run and I felt like puking when someone with similar life situation as me was getting married. Out of fear of judgement and fear of showing off my emotions, probably. My bf was very understanding, and due to religious and political reasons we can't get married anyway. I know it all may sound weird, but yes, that WAS my trigger, no, NOW I'M PRETTY MUCH FINE, I can handle the situation that someone is getting married, I can congratulate, smile, be happy for them and act as I'm supposed to. I can even go to the wedding and to my joy I found out I actually WANT TO this time.

So I wanted to be a normal conversation. I stated a fact, I smiled, I said nothing trauma-related, for once I wanted to talk about someone's wedding as if nothing was ever wrong with me!

But my bf said sth like "oh, but I hope he won't invite you and your "safe"" - WHAT? - "Well, I DON'T KNOW IN WHAT MENTAL STATE YOU ARE NOW, BUT TO MY KNOWLEDGE YOU SWORE THAT YOU WILL NEVER GO TO A WEDDING, ONLY TO A FUNERAL, BECAUSE ONLY FUNERALS MAKE SENSE"

THANKS! FIRST TIME I want to just have a PTSD-free life, you remind me of everything!!! And I didn't start the topic of my trauma, I just said what anyone would say on a day he learned someone's getting married! Come on!

We had a fight and then I cried.

The thing that hurts me most is that tomorrow I have a big day - I'm conducting an interview with a political prisoner. And I need to prepare and be in the right state. But HE did THIS. I feel not supported at all and I feel like I'm wearing a "PTSD" sign on my forehead :( And it hurts that someone so close to me could do that

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Ok, first BREATHE.....and keep on breathing.........

You're not wearing a PTSD sign on your forehead. However, you need to realize that the instant you get over a trigger, the world doesn't change around you. Your boyfriend wasn't being malicious in what he said. He was actually trying to be sensitive. He was trying to keep you SAFE! It takes time for those around us to get used to the fact that our symptoms and triggers change over time. That is, your boyfriend was being sensitive to your past needs and you get mad because he isn't attuned to your present state. I honestly think you should cut the guy some slack and apologize to him for overreacting.

Is this stigmatization? Nope, not by a long shot. It takes a long time for people to learn all of our triggers, so it take them time to UNlearn them too.

 

[Momofthree]

The good and bad thing about PTSD is that it's an 'invisible disease" so know one knows you have it unless you tell them. i.e. no sign on your forehead, and those who do know (like your boyfriend and therapist) are usually there to support and help you not stigmatize you. Being in a relationship is tricky, and into that the complications of legal/ religious oppression and it gets WAY more tricky. Then just for kicks we'll throw in PTSD... yeah this isn't going to be a walk in the park. Now I know you want to be done and 'cured' from you PTSD but it is way more complicated then that. The feeling that that the world is against you and you're going to die that is since when I read your comment is a symptom. Your boyfriend isn't against you, he is on your team and he is only trying to protect you. Try and see it from his side and maybe explain to him that you have worked through the wedding trigger and now you would like to try and go to a wedding, then ask him if he would go with you to be there as a support and as a get away if you need a quick escape. I'm sure he'll support you.