Hello there. I found this forum a couple of days ago and I was really happy because I thought that I might get some answers. (Sorry if my english is odd, it's my second language. Also this is a long story but I'll try my best to keep it short)
I've been bullied since I was 7 years old. My bullying got alot worse when I started 7th grade. I was diagnosed with depression when I was 14 years old. My bullying stopped when I finished 9th grade (14.5 years old) and started in a new school. I turned 17 in december. This year is my last year of school and I'm starting to accept myself and gain some selfworth. I've decided that I want to get better, I want to heal, I want to feel good. I have a boyfriend now that I've been together with for a year in january. He's helped me alot and he's a big reason that I've started to feel like I'm worth recovery and a normal life.
My bullying from 7-11 years old wasn't as intense as the later, but I still have painful memories that haunt me even these days. I was bullied by my classmates and by some teachers. When I was in 5th grade I told my mother that I wanted to dissappear from the earth and after that I was never myself again. Apart from the bullying I experienced in school I danced ballet and my dance teacher constantly picked on me because of my body and those memories also haunt me. I have hated my body since I was 7 years old and still do, it gives me great anxiety.
The bullying that i experienced from 7th grade and after was intense. People harassed me several times a day and told me to kill my self. I sometimes experienced mild physical abuse like being pushed into walls or the floor, people screaming directly into my ears, etc. But most of this was emotional and verbal. In 7th grade I was murder threatened by a 9th grader. She was my biggest bully and it was she who was the boss of the other people that bullied me.
She had told me several times before that she would like it if I were dead and that she wished to kill me. But this time was serious. She told me that if I showed up at school the day after she'd cut up my face with a stiletto knife and then kill me. She said that she'd done it before to people like me and that she'd enjoy it like everyone else in the entire world. I knew her younger sister and I knew that she in fact had a knife so I was terrified. She was also a very violent person with issues when it came to controlling her anger.
I told my parents who told my classmentor who told her classmentor and they decided to have a talk between us four. I went to school that day and sat in our classroom. My bully arrived with a storm, she ran into my classroom and flipped over tables and started throwing chairs around her. She had a friend with her who shouted and threw furniture as well. They screamed that they would kill me. No one moved a finger, none of my classmates did a thing, they ignored her and me like always and kept on with whatever they were doing.
By chance my bully's ex boyfriend was walking past out classroom and he was mad at her for some reason. So they started fighting instead, she forgot about me for a while and yelled at him for a while. My teacher arrived. We had our meeting and didn't come up with anything. They basicly told me not to be afraid of her and told her that she should be a little nicer. The bullying continued and none of my teachers did anything about it. The principal did nothing. Nothing changed.
My classmates started to ignore me and stopped talking and listening to me. I had no friends in my class. The bullies became more and more, people from other classes started to bully me and finally people in my class started to bully me. No one ever stood up for me. My mother took me out of school with help of my psychiatrist after I told her that I didn't want to live anymore. ( I was on permanent sick leave because of mental instability) I was suicidal and thought about suicide all the time. I didn't go out, I didn't meet my other friends, I neglected my hobbies, I just laid in by bed staring into the roof.
I had periods of insomnia and periods when I slept for a very long time even in the middle of the day and still feeling tired constantly. I suffered from terrible nightmares and waking up several times in the middle of the night. I had periods where I'd sleep for exactly 6 hours every night.
I went through KBT therapy but it did not help me at all. I got medication, fluoxetine which helped a bit.
I thought my case was hopeless because nothing would make me feel better, I felt like I was crazy because I had many symptoms that didn't fit into depression and I started to fear that I was going insane, I didn't tell my therapist about it because I was terrified that I would get hospitalized if she knew.
Because my KBT therapy didn't work my therapist asked me if I wanted to see another therapist and start EMDR treatment. I said yes even though I didn't really know what it was because I was desperate for help. The EMDR treatment worked for me, I was taking baby steps but I was getting somewhere.
This year in school I studied psychology and I came across a chapter about PTSD and I was blown away. The symptoms fitted me so well and I finally found something that could explain the symptoms that made me feel like I was crazy. I also found out that EMDR is originally used to treat PTSD and that would explain why the treatment worked on me and KBT didn't.
I told my therapist about this and she thought that it would make sense. Right now my life is really stressful with school and all that, so I don't feel like I have time to get diagnosed.
I've read alot about PTSD and bullying and I think that it makes sense.
I would like to hear your opinions if this makes sense? I was also wondering if any of you has gone through EMDR therapy and if/how it has helped you?
Thank you and sorry for the long text.
I've been bullied since I was 7 years old. My bullying got alot worse when I started 7th grade. I was diagnosed with depression when I was 14 years old. My bullying stopped when I finished 9th grade (14.5 years old) and started in a new school. I turned 17 in december. This year is my last year of school and I'm starting to accept myself and gain some selfworth. I've decided that I want to get better, I want to heal, I want to feel good. I have a boyfriend now that I've been together with for a year in january. He's helped me alot and he's a big reason that I've started to feel like I'm worth recovery and a normal life.
My bullying from 7-11 years old wasn't as intense as the later, but I still have painful memories that haunt me even these days. I was bullied by my classmates and by some teachers. When I was in 5th grade I told my mother that I wanted to dissappear from the earth and after that I was never myself again. Apart from the bullying I experienced in school I danced ballet and my dance teacher constantly picked on me because of my body and those memories also haunt me. I have hated my body since I was 7 years old and still do, it gives me great anxiety.
The bullying that i experienced from 7th grade and after was intense. People harassed me several times a day and told me to kill my self. I sometimes experienced mild physical abuse like being pushed into walls or the floor, people screaming directly into my ears, etc. But most of this was emotional and verbal. In 7th grade I was murder threatened by a 9th grader. She was my biggest bully and it was she who was the boss of the other people that bullied me.
She had told me several times before that she would like it if I were dead and that she wished to kill me. But this time was serious. She told me that if I showed up at school the day after she'd cut up my face with a stiletto knife and then kill me. She said that she'd done it before to people like me and that she'd enjoy it like everyone else in the entire world. I knew her younger sister and I knew that she in fact had a knife so I was terrified. She was also a very violent person with issues when it came to controlling her anger.
I told my parents who told my classmentor who told her classmentor and they decided to have a talk between us four. I went to school that day and sat in our classroom. My bully arrived with a storm, she ran into my classroom and flipped over tables and started throwing chairs around her. She had a friend with her who shouted and threw furniture as well. They screamed that they would kill me. No one moved a finger, none of my classmates did a thing, they ignored her and me like always and kept on with whatever they were doing.
By chance my bully's ex boyfriend was walking past out classroom and he was mad at her for some reason. So they started fighting instead, she forgot about me for a while and yelled at him for a while. My teacher arrived. We had our meeting and didn't come up with anything. They basicly told me not to be afraid of her and told her that she should be a little nicer. The bullying continued and none of my teachers did anything about it. The principal did nothing. Nothing changed.
My classmates started to ignore me and stopped talking and listening to me. I had no friends in my class. The bullies became more and more, people from other classes started to bully me and finally people in my class started to bully me. No one ever stood up for me. My mother took me out of school with help of my psychiatrist after I told her that I didn't want to live anymore. ( I was on permanent sick leave because of mental instability) I was suicidal and thought about suicide all the time. I didn't go out, I didn't meet my other friends, I neglected my hobbies, I just laid in by bed staring into the roof.
I had periods of insomnia and periods when I slept for a very long time even in the middle of the day and still feeling tired constantly. I suffered from terrible nightmares and waking up several times in the middle of the night. I had periods where I'd sleep for exactly 6 hours every night.
I went through KBT therapy but it did not help me at all. I got medication, fluoxetine which helped a bit.
I thought my case was hopeless because nothing would make me feel better, I felt like I was crazy because I had many symptoms that didn't fit into depression and I started to fear that I was going insane, I didn't tell my therapist about it because I was terrified that I would get hospitalized if she knew.
Because my KBT therapy didn't work my therapist asked me if I wanted to see another therapist and start EMDR treatment. I said yes even though I didn't really know what it was because I was desperate for help. The EMDR treatment worked for me, I was taking baby steps but I was getting somewhere.
This year in school I studied psychology and I came across a chapter about PTSD and I was blown away. The symptoms fitted me so well and I finally found something that could explain the symptoms that made me feel like I was crazy. I also found out that EMDR is originally used to treat PTSD and that would explain why the treatment worked on me and KBT didn't.
I told my therapist about this and she thought that it would make sense. Right now my life is really stressful with school and all that, so I don't feel like I have time to get diagnosed.
I've read alot about PTSD and bullying and I think that it makes sense.
I would like to hear your opinions if this makes sense? I was also wondering if any of you has gone through EMDR therapy and if/how it has helped you?
Thank you and sorry for the long text.
Last edited by a moderator:
