Ah yes, the betrayal of "friends." I can actually laugh about this first one now, but at the time I felt like I'd experienced a death. My bestie and I did everything together. Her name was (for real) Karen. We discovered each other after I moved to a new city after getting married. We both worked for the same company and attended the same church. Her mom and my FIL were first cousins. For years we did everything together - shopped together, coffeed together, shared maternity clothes, babysat each other's kids, talked on the phone, every Friday was our day together...until she vanished mysteriously out of my life. I was absolutely gutted...and confused. I finally got my answer a couple of months later from a mutual friend who Karen had tried to "recruit." Karen had become a Mary Kay consultant. At her first meeting with the representatives she was told to "get rid of" any people in her life who would not be supportive of her decision to become a consultant. Karen had told this friend she "assumed" I wouldn't be supportive so she dumped me. It would have been nice if I'd been given the choice, and yes, as her closest friend I would have supported her. Through the lens of perspective I now realize what I thought was a deep, wonderful friendship was really just Karen using me until something better came along. Once she got caught up in her makeup world and was competitively winning cars and jewelry, she became a materialistic, self-centered, unrecognizable woman who neglected her children. She was no longer a woman I wanted as a close friend...or even as a friend. Give yourself some time. You may come to realize you are a lot better off.
My next betrayal was more difficult, and if I'm honest it still hurts. I attended a women's Bible study for many years that met once a week. It was a rule that anything personal shared when we met could never be repeated outside of this circle of friends. We were a tight, close, caring group of friends. Unfortunately, we all attended the church where I was employed and where I had my breakdown. Things like that do
NOT happen to "good" Christians. I no longer attend that church or that Bible study or have that job and those lovely women are no longer my friends. During one of the most desperate times of my life these "friends" abandoned me. I think it was a combination of "only icky Christians have emotional problems" and concern my crazy might rub off on them. I miss their friendship, the trips we took together, the meals at restaurants, the laughter, the phone calls, but mostly just knowing I had a big bunch of women who were there for me and my family...until they weren't. It still hurts, but it does get better. It took a few years, but I was finally able to attend another church. Even though I promised myself I wouldn't, I've made new friends. It takes time to build the kind of relationships where people deeply know each other and sincerely care. Time. Give yourself time to let go and time to move on.
