Cptsd sufferers relationship with siblings

[Glara]

I'm just wondering how CPTSD effects your relationships with your siblings, particularly if they end up in a similar situation to one they grew up in, domestic violence, substance abuse etc?

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

I basically distance myself from them because I can't deal with the constant turmoil they're lives seem to be. They all have mental health issues, they need therapy and to take personal responsibility for there health (instead of blaming the childhood we had) and get help. They are all f*cking there kids and relationships and basically continuing the cycle of abuse and I just can't stand to be anywhere near it. It's really f*cking sad.

Why'd you ask is your relationship with your siblings any better than mine?

 

[Glara]

@NoWhereKnowWhere I'm a supporter but my sufferer has been telling me a lot about his sister lately. She's in an abusive marriage, trying to divorce. As you said, continuing the cycle. I know he won't cut her out. But he recently said he's in a really bad place and wants to check himself into a psych hospital. I'm just wondering how it effects most suffers relationships with their siblings. In his case he is very close to her.

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

We were close all of us, growing up and in adulthood. It's a strange thing, we at least had each other during all the shit that happened. No one else knew or understood and we had that to bond us together.

I've seen my siblings at their absolute worst and there's a layer of vulnerability that you just will never have with someone who hasn't suffered alongside you.

I'm the peace keeper of my family and everyone else is usually going through such a hard time that I pretend to be ok. I find it incredibly difficult to be honest about how I am and what I'm feeling, especially with my siblings. But they find it easy to share their shit with me. That's my role in the family and I can't do it anymore. No I won't do it anymore. If I want to be well I can't be that person for everyone and have nothing left for myself.

Do you think your partner puts his siblings needs above his own? Cause that'll do it. It's so hard to break out of a role everyone expects from you.

 

[Glara]

I get what you're saying about the connection to siblings who have suffered with you.

In his case I'm not sure of his role. He's the only male, he has 2 older sisters and one younger. I suspect he feels like he should protect her. I'm not sure and I don't ask much. I just let him talk. Anything I could say about the family roles would be all speculation.

I did say something to him about his other sister being sick and this one being abused must be hard on him. He agreed and said something about dealing with it all on top of his mental state. And then made reference to how much his life is messed up.

I planned a trip to where he lives, I have a lot of people there. I'm actually going to see my girlfriend. He offered to pick me up at the airport and I extended the trip an extra day to spend it with him. I plan to gently remind him that my hotel has an airport shuttle and free hot breakfast so if something comes up I'll be ok. Also that I am visiting my friend. He got really stressed the last few times I was there so this should at least take that pressure off.

 

[Deleted member 541]

I don't bother with any of my siblings now. I have 1 sister that has passed and her and I had an ok relationship. Not great, but ok. The ones left, well, none of them take personal responsibility for much. Both of my brothers sexually abused me. One admits it, and wants to have a relationship with me, but he's creepy about it. I cut him off about 35 yrs ago. The other brother blames me for the abuse and refuses to admit his actions. My 1 sister.... She is the drama queen now. I used to be, but she has taken on that roll now. Last I knew none of her kids would talk to her, and her marriage has been on the rocks for yrs.

They all point their fingers at me and say what a shitty mom I was and that my kid turned out to be a junkie. Ok, I admit, I was a shitty mom and my kid is a junkie. They fail to look at their kids and the issues that their kids have, and they pretty much fail to loook at their part in all of it.

I just can't be around any of them, and I'm so much happier now!!! Less shit and drama....

 

[jaccat]

I've kept a distance. It's hard, because we went through hell and back together, but I can't let their lives infect mine, no matter how much I love them, and I can't talk to them about any of it without things getting weird, fast.

But, when things go bad I know they're there for me. We're going through it right now. Despite having barely spoken to them in months, now a crisis has hit we're pulling together like we always do to get things done.

 

[Lucycat]

For me it is a bit different. I was brought up with 3 siblings - one sister - the eldest- and 2 brothers. Until a few years back my brothers had no idea that our father was sexually abusing me (from age 7 to 14). My sister passed away aged 25 and I never had the opportunity of asking if she was abused too. With hindsight I suspect she was - she was 'wayward' and always in trouble and stayed out of the house whenever she could.

My relationships with my 2 brothers now are at complete opposite ends of the spectrum. Older brother phones me every week, sometimes several times in a week and is interested in what I am doing and my life in general. Younger brother barely speaks to me - he never calls, and when I call him he cuts it short. He and I were the closest as children and he has said he cannot comprehend why I never told him anything as a child (when I was 7 he was just 5!). He is also upset that I chose to move to the other end of the country and he said he felt I had abandoned him.

My 2 brothers live within a few miles of each other, but don't see much of each other.

 

[Lost-lady]

I'm just wondering how CPTSD effects your relationships with your siblings, particularly if they end up i...

I was the oldest of 4
I'm quite close with my sisters, although I've found myself being a bit of a doormat for them, as well as my partner

 

[Mari]

Growing up there were two of my sisters that were bullies. When I finally ended up as an adult with a CPTSD diagnosis my two bully sisters starting gaslighting me behind my back to my other siblings and my other siblings bought it. To the point of participating in a shocking betrayal of my trust. I am now No Contact with all of them and am seriously considering moving away eventually to get away from them. This breaks my heart because I thought we were all close and friends. In fact, I considered my one sister one of my closest friends of all. Turns out she was the one who lied in the sickest way to everyone and manipulated everyone and is the main driver of the gaslighting and not one of my siblings cares.