Cutting

[loui50]

I want to cut my wrists so bad. I don't want to die, i just want to feel the pain and see the cut. I am so scared to do it though, which is a good thing. I'm scared what would come next. Tonight i stabbed myself repeadedly with a fork on the wrist just to feel pain. Then i scratched myself deep with a thumb tack. None of it is relieving the feeling that i need to cut deep enough to bleed. I hate this feeling. It happens when i get angry. Why do people cut? I get this intense feeling in my wrists and need to feel pain but only there. I dont want to cut anywhere else. I feel like a failure because i cant do it and i want to so bad. T and i talk about cutting almost every session. She is well aware of the issue and is trying to help. I just need to get this out there. Anyone else get an intense feeling in a body part where you just need to feel pain. I feel crazy.

 

[Joan]

You are not alone....I have not cut in a long time, but I have in the past and it was mostly focused on a certain body part. Consider it a good thing that "you can't"...so glad you have open communication with your T....try anything you can to break those thoughts....cold/hot/exercise/reaching out.....put ice on your wrists...it is understandable to want to feel that pain and so important to fight it.

 

[WishfulThinking123]

I also struggle with cutting in general and it is great that you are open with your T. Please don't start because, once you do it just gets easier and easier to do it again and again and instead of it becoming your last resort it becomes your go to when there's any little stress. It's very progressive and addictive. Also please don't ever cut your wrists! It is way too easy to accidently cut too deep. It is interesting that I too get a tingling in my wrists when I want to but, I have never cut there- I have only cut my shoulders- much safer. I cut to release overwhelming emotions/anxiety but, honestly it doesn't work- it is very short lived momentary relief and then it makes my depression worse. It becomes more of a compulsion than actually any kind of relief. Journaling can help or taking a walk. Usually if I just go do something else in the moment than that urge will eventually pass. It will be easier to just keep resisting now than if you start- it will become harder to resist after you start.

 

[_JustMe_]

Cutting feels great and that’s why it’s highly addictive since it is doing to your brain exactly what drugs do, but deep down that’s not what you really want to do. That’s what you think you want to do when the urge arrives. Let it pass; it was never meant to stay.

Why do people cut?

Two reasons why we cut:

-we need to make our emotional pain stop. Mute. But since pain is the only thing we are truly familiar with, our mind uses that as a pattern. And what do you replace with the only thing you are truly aware of? Again, pain. This time, physical pain. Hence, the cutting.

-the thing with trauma is that we got it without being asked. It wasn’t our choice, we were never asked if we wanted that. And it was overwhelming and huge and unbearable. And it made us feel powerless. So, our mind seeks a way to make us believe that we could have something, anything under our control. Cutting makes you think that you have a different sort of pain under YOUR control. And that’s pretty amazing! No, that’s f**cking awesome! But it is also a trap set up by your mind. If you want to take control of things start loving yourself. That’s the real game changer.


Besides, not completing a task driven by such a crazy impulse, hurts even more than the cutting itself. So, you wanted a different kind of pain? A stronger pain that you could be in charge of? You’ve got it as long as you are not cutting.

 

[LoveTea]

I've been there, I never really have cut, but I've certainly had very strong urges to. I tended to resort to harming myself in other ways that weren't necessarily dangerous, but not really good coping skills either. A while ago, someone mentioned a coping skill they saw on youtube or something that involved dying ice cubes red and allowing it to melt on you skin. It sounded stupid and This may not be the best long term solution, but it really helped me especially when I felt like I needed to see the blood (and it keeps me safe).

 

[Dying inside]

When I am excruciating emotional pain or over the top angry, I cut or scratch my fingers so bad they become raw. My hands are scared from years of doing this I wish I could stop but it's always been my go to coping mech. It's great that you talk to ur t about it. I've mentioned it in an email to mine but we have never talked about it. So embarrassing that I'm now in my 50's and still doing it :(

 

[Justmehere]

Do you know what is triggering these urges to self injure? Its is a time of day, an environment, thoughts, etc?