ZumbaGirl_21
New Here
I found this forum online last night and just joined today because the same as others, I am looking for help. As I have noticed it called on this website, I guess I would say I’m the carer. I think my situation is unique to some because there are a few extra factors…
My boyfriend and I have been dating for over six months. He suffers from extreme PTSD. He is a retired military vet, but not just your average retired military, he was an army ranger. Rangers are the ones who are the first ones in, make all the calls, responsible for other soldiers, etc. As a result he suffers from not only being haunted by the terrorists he killed, but the soldiers who died along side him. He blames himself for their deaths.
He was on all sorts of medication when we first started dating over the summer last year. He is currently not on any due to the fact that his hometown and his doctor are on the other side of the country and his scripts ran out. He is going back home for a while in a few weeks to get new scripts and get some things in order and then him and I can go from there.
There were a few fights when he was on his meds, but obviously they have escalated since he ran out. When we fight, due to his anger from PTSD, I feel like I can’t get a word in edgewise. I stop fighting and try to go to bed for the night and then he somehow manages to get me into hysterics by going on about how hard it is for him to sleep/live/function because of his PTSD and what I have to say doesn’t make a difference at that time. He says all I’m doing is making him feel guilty that he can’t be a normal boyfriend like I want and I make him feel guilty by crying, but he got me to that point by yelling at me about his PTSD and whatever I did or said “wrong” that night. Also, I don’t ever tell him that I want a normal boyfriend or say, “I wish you were normal.”
I do get angry when I try to tell him something that is important to me and he tells me he doesn’t want to hear it because he can’t deal with it right now. A good example is the future. He has a very hard time talking about the future, even if it’s the very recent future like within the next couple of months. I think this may be a PTSD symptom and I try to deal with it, but how am I supposed to keep dating someone when we can’t even make future plans, even if they are minimal? It’s very tough. I also get angry when he is so negative on the world around him and some of his issues really bother me.
I’m not trying to cause fights, but when he hits some nerves with me I feel I have to say something. We are both very stubborn though and with his PTSD to add, this usually does result in a fight. I often hear my mother’s or my friends’ voices in my head telling me not to back down and stand up for what I think is right. I usually will stand up for my point for a little while and then I give in to “agree to disagree,” but even then our fights do not get solved that night. I usually go to bed crying and one of us/both of us apologizes for fighting the next day, but it never seems like the issue got fixed.
To add to the above, the long distance thing is also a challenge. He has stressed that he hates my hometown and doesn’t want to be here forever. Because he lives in a beautiful part of the country, I am considering moving with him down the road (probably a year from now) if not permanently than at least for a while and taking things from there.
I’m considering this because I feel guilty taking him away from everything he knows with the suffering he has going on. I also know there are better opportunities in his state than in mine. With the technology available today, I should be able to keep in touch with my family and friends and visit them frequently. However, I also have a lot going for me here. I have a job I have been at for almost five years with opportunity for advancement. I am almost done with completing my college degree. I have a great network of family and friends here and my entire surroundings and everything I have grown up knowing is here. When we fight, I think to myself, is it really worth giving all of that up? I love him to death, but this puts new measures and twists on how the relationship will turn out in the future.
To end on a positive note, I want to stress that aside from the PTSD he is a great guy. He has always been supportive of me with work, school, etc and does almost anything for me. I believe he has made me his #1 priority and would do anything to help me advance my future and protect me from harm. He is sometimes over protective, but I believe that has been instilled from the military and I deal with that the best I can. He has never been abusive to me in any way. I will admit though, that his anger from PTSD does scare me when we are fighting. Overall, he is nice, respectful, protective, we get along when things are “normal,” he treats me very well, he has a great sense of humor and is the guy I’m looking for when PTSD isn’t a factor. He is probably the best guy I have dated, aside from the PTSD, and that includes being with someone for five years and almost married in my past.
I apologize for the lengthy post, as there is a lot to my situation. If you have taken the time to read it all, I thank you. And if you can provide it, I am looking for any help/advice. Positive, negative, should I stick this out/call it off, etc. Any help is appreciated.
Nights like I had last night are very hard on me, not only that night, but trying to get through the next day following and being exhausted from lack of sleep and crying. I have to balance a PTSD boyfriend and a late night fight with work, school, the gym, social life or whatever I have going on the next day. These happen about once a week and I’m not sure how much more I can handle in the future. I know things will get better when he is on his meds, but what if they don’t renew his scripts or don’t renew his scripts down the road? Does PTSD get better as time goes on? Worse? The same? I have so many questions that weigh on my mind when asking myself, is it worth sticking out? Any and all help/advice it appreciated. Thank you all again and I am also thankful to have found this forum!
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My boyfriend and I have been dating for over six months. He suffers from extreme PTSD. He is a retired military vet, but not just your average retired military, he was an army ranger. Rangers are the ones who are the first ones in, make all the calls, responsible for other soldiers, etc. As a result he suffers from not only being haunted by the terrorists he killed, but the soldiers who died along side him. He blames himself for their deaths.
He was on all sorts of medication when we first started dating over the summer last year. He is currently not on any due to the fact that his hometown and his doctor are on the other side of the country and his scripts ran out. He is going back home for a while in a few weeks to get new scripts and get some things in order and then him and I can go from there.
There were a few fights when he was on his meds, but obviously they have escalated since he ran out. When we fight, due to his anger from PTSD, I feel like I can’t get a word in edgewise. I stop fighting and try to go to bed for the night and then he somehow manages to get me into hysterics by going on about how hard it is for him to sleep/live/function because of his PTSD and what I have to say doesn’t make a difference at that time. He says all I’m doing is making him feel guilty that he can’t be a normal boyfriend like I want and I make him feel guilty by crying, but he got me to that point by yelling at me about his PTSD and whatever I did or said “wrong” that night. Also, I don’t ever tell him that I want a normal boyfriend or say, “I wish you were normal.”
I do get angry when I try to tell him something that is important to me and he tells me he doesn’t want to hear it because he can’t deal with it right now. A good example is the future. He has a very hard time talking about the future, even if it’s the very recent future like within the next couple of months. I think this may be a PTSD symptom and I try to deal with it, but how am I supposed to keep dating someone when we can’t even make future plans, even if they are minimal? It’s very tough. I also get angry when he is so negative on the world around him and some of his issues really bother me.
I’m not trying to cause fights, but when he hits some nerves with me I feel I have to say something. We are both very stubborn though and with his PTSD to add, this usually does result in a fight. I often hear my mother’s or my friends’ voices in my head telling me not to back down and stand up for what I think is right. I usually will stand up for my point for a little while and then I give in to “agree to disagree,” but even then our fights do not get solved that night. I usually go to bed crying and one of us/both of us apologizes for fighting the next day, but it never seems like the issue got fixed.
To add to the above, the long distance thing is also a challenge. He has stressed that he hates my hometown and doesn’t want to be here forever. Because he lives in a beautiful part of the country, I am considering moving with him down the road (probably a year from now) if not permanently than at least for a while and taking things from there.
I’m considering this because I feel guilty taking him away from everything he knows with the suffering he has going on. I also know there are better opportunities in his state than in mine. With the technology available today, I should be able to keep in touch with my family and friends and visit them frequently. However, I also have a lot going for me here. I have a job I have been at for almost five years with opportunity for advancement. I am almost done with completing my college degree. I have a great network of family and friends here and my entire surroundings and everything I have grown up knowing is here. When we fight, I think to myself, is it really worth giving all of that up? I love him to death, but this puts new measures and twists on how the relationship will turn out in the future.
To end on a positive note, I want to stress that aside from the PTSD he is a great guy. He has always been supportive of me with work, school, etc and does almost anything for me. I believe he has made me his #1 priority and would do anything to help me advance my future and protect me from harm. He is sometimes over protective, but I believe that has been instilled from the military and I deal with that the best I can. He has never been abusive to me in any way. I will admit though, that his anger from PTSD does scare me when we are fighting. Overall, he is nice, respectful, protective, we get along when things are “normal,” he treats me very well, he has a great sense of humor and is the guy I’m looking for when PTSD isn’t a factor. He is probably the best guy I have dated, aside from the PTSD, and that includes being with someone for five years and almost married in my past.
I apologize for the lengthy post, as there is a lot to my situation. If you have taken the time to read it all, I thank you. And if you can provide it, I am looking for any help/advice. Positive, negative, should I stick this out/call it off, etc. Any help is appreciated.
Nights like I had last night are very hard on me, not only that night, but trying to get through the next day following and being exhausted from lack of sleep and crying. I have to balance a PTSD boyfriend and a late night fight with work, school, the gym, social life or whatever I have going on the next day. These happen about once a week and I’m not sure how much more I can handle in the future. I know things will get better when he is on his meds, but what if they don’t renew his scripts or don’t renew his scripts down the road? Does PTSD get better as time goes on? Worse? The same? I have so many questions that weigh on my mind when asking myself, is it worth sticking out? Any and all help/advice it appreciated. Thank you all again and I am also thankful to have found this forum!
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