WTF Happened
Bronze Member
When she first withdrew, she told me (over text) she had really dark thoughts and feelings running through her. She said there were things in her life she had been avoiding addressing but now she was reaching out to her doctor and therapists. It sounded like she was being proactive, finally taking charge of some sort of dark aspect of her life, and I was fully supportive of that. Even as we were no contact for three weeks, she had told mutual friends that she hoped she would sort things out and we’d be able to keep going. She told friends part of the reason she was doing this was for the long term benefit of our relationship.
I got some vague details during the breakup (which she did over the phone). She said she was suicidal, barely taking care of herself, and said something along the lines of “you don’t even know what happened to me.” I asked her to elaborate but she refused.
I texted her a couple days later and she told me she was having really bad panic attacks and couldn’t focus on anything other than her health.
I gave her space and no contact for a little over a month after the breakup, all the while hoping she would explain WTF Happened (get it?). I would have continued on that path, but I found out through our mutual close friend that she quit her job and was moving back home with mom six hours away. Obviously, she had no plans to provide me with any closure before she left. So I reached out and asked to meet.
That’s when I met that stranger (had to be in a public place, she absolutely refused to meet in private). Again, she was vague. She said she went crazy. She said she didn’t want to be accountable to anybody else. She just wanted to be alone. Despite the reference to something in her past, I wasn’t thinking PTSD at that point. I assumed it was depression. She said “I’m not depressed. I am working through something, but it’s not a crisis.” When I asked what that something is, she refused to tell me.
I should point out I was never pushy, never demanded answers, would only ask once and made sure I was compassionate towards her even in the face of her indifference towards me. Like you, we never had any drama. No problems whatsoever. Certainly nothing that would make me deserve being spoken to coldly. But that’s exactly what I got. Even as I told her I would miss her when she moved, she just stared at me blankly and nodded. Who does that? I’ve broken up with girls before and when they told me they’d miss me I’d say it back. Partly just because that’s a decent thing to do, but partly because no matter the relationship, I could always honestly say there were things I’d miss. And those weren’t even love relationships, as this one (I thought) was. Yet there was no empathy. Whatsoever.
Like I said, no contact or remorse since. The only reason I found out about the sexual assault from her past was through our close mutual friend. I still don’t know much because I didn’t want to pry any further out of respect for her. She was obviously in a dark place. No idea if she still is. I know that if she gets far enough along in her healing and has any desire to explain things, she knows how to get a hold of me. And if she’s still in a dark place or still working through things, me reaching out could potentially mess up her progress.
I got some vague details during the breakup (which she did over the phone). She said she was suicidal, barely taking care of herself, and said something along the lines of “you don’t even know what happened to me.” I asked her to elaborate but she refused.
I texted her a couple days later and she told me she was having really bad panic attacks and couldn’t focus on anything other than her health.
I gave her space and no contact for a little over a month after the breakup, all the while hoping she would explain WTF Happened (get it?). I would have continued on that path, but I found out through our mutual close friend that she quit her job and was moving back home with mom six hours away. Obviously, she had no plans to provide me with any closure before she left. So I reached out and asked to meet.
That’s when I met that stranger (had to be in a public place, she absolutely refused to meet in private). Again, she was vague. She said she went crazy. She said she didn’t want to be accountable to anybody else. She just wanted to be alone. Despite the reference to something in her past, I wasn’t thinking PTSD at that point. I assumed it was depression. She said “I’m not depressed. I am working through something, but it’s not a crisis.” When I asked what that something is, she refused to tell me.
I should point out I was never pushy, never demanded answers, would only ask once and made sure I was compassionate towards her even in the face of her indifference towards me. Like you, we never had any drama. No problems whatsoever. Certainly nothing that would make me deserve being spoken to coldly. But that’s exactly what I got. Even as I told her I would miss her when she moved, she just stared at me blankly and nodded. Who does that? I’ve broken up with girls before and when they told me they’d miss me I’d say it back. Partly just because that’s a decent thing to do, but partly because no matter the relationship, I could always honestly say there were things I’d miss. And those weren’t even love relationships, as this one (I thought) was. Yet there was no empathy. Whatsoever.
Like I said, no contact or remorse since. The only reason I found out about the sexual assault from her past was through our close mutual friend. I still don’t know much because I didn’t want to pry any further out of respect for her. She was obviously in a dark place. No idea if she still is. I know that if she gets far enough along in her healing and has any desire to explain things, she knows how to get a hold of me. And if she’s still in a dark place or still working through things, me reaching out could potentially mess up her progress.
