Supporter Dating New Girl With Ptsd

[Grant b]

Hi iv been dating my gf for 3 weeks now she suffers from ptsd. She came over to mine recently and we had sex a minute later she had an episode however I told her to do deep breathing and I was able to calm her. She contacted me the next day wanting to break up because she felt guilty and thought she would be dragging me down I told her no I'm in it for the long run and I will be here for as much as I can after a big debate she decided to stay with me. The next day she seemed normal we texted but then came Friday she become realy blunt with me so I told her I'd give her some space. I still text her good morning gawjuz every morning and she continues to be blunt with me wasn't until today she has completely stopped talking to me.

Can someone please offer me some advice I realy like this girl and am willing to do the hard yards I have even been researching alot on ptsd. Is it unusual that my gf isn't speaking to me ? Is this just a fase or have I lost her for ever :(?
Thank you :)

 

[Theresa1122]

Hi iv been dating my gf for 3 weeks now she suffers from ptsd. She came over to mine recently and we had...

It could be that she's just not ready. The sex could have brought about a lot of hard feelings, flashbacks, and nightmares. PTSD is an evil thing to have to live with. I guess the only thing I can say (being a PTSD sufferer) is that it really means a lot when my bf truly listens and tries his best to understand. I know you're already doing that, but it's only been 3 weeks and maybe she's not ready to open up about the details of her trauma yet. Maybe send her some flowers or a card with a nice note to let her know you're still there for her, but give her some space from the text messages and phone calls for a few days. You're doing great, it's just hard for her.

 

[Grant b]

Okay thank you so much and that's a really nice idea I will do that thank you :). She had kind of opens up to me slightly a week ago she told me she was raped when she was younger guessing when we had sex that was the trigger but When you say stop texting is it okay just to say good morning and night ? That's all iv been doing realy I figured it would be a good reminder to say I'm here for her. Or should I just completely stop with the texting ?

 

[Theresa1122]

Definitely the sex was a trigger for her. Sounds like you've been doing your research are I commend you for that - great job! A good morning or a good night is probably OK, but don't expect a response. The trigger has taken her backwards into a very dark and hard place. I hope she's seeing a therapist of some sort to help get through this. You're doing great! Most men would get scared and flee. Staying there, doing research, and talking to some PTSD sufferers on here are really great things you're doing to be a wonderful and understanding person. Well done! :-)

 

[Grant b]

Thank you so much :) well I wanna do the best I can iv never met anyone that iv had so much fun with and had so much in common with and I'm going to make sure I do my 101% cuz I realy want it to work. Tomorow I plan on going to the library and get some books aswell and plan on seeing a psychologist to help me better under stand and support me to :). Unfortunately she isn't seeing her psychologist atm since they are on holidays atm and she isn't taking her medication :s I want to some how convince her to see a new dr in the meantime but I know I can't be pushy about it. I have offerd to go with her if she likes if she sees a new one but in the end of the day I guess it's her decision and I can't do to much eles besides show her the support I can give her.

 

[Chava]

It's wonderful that you are so caring and supportive, but she probably can't be pushed in any way right now (the relationship, the doctor, the meds, etc). Because it sounds like she is overwhelmed and in retreat mode. And NOT because anything you did. As mentioned above she might simply not be ready for a relationship. It's great that you let her know that you have so much fun with her and really like being around her, and that you are there for her. I have a hard time believing people actually like me, or care. So it's great that you've let her know this. But you probably can't push her to take her meds or get more help because there's a pretty good chance here that she'd just disappear and cuts ties. Again, not because of you, but to lower the overwhelm and need to change where she either can't or does not know how right now.

Lots of space, trust, and allowing her own process might be the best way to help her feel safe with you (partly I'm saying this through the lens of my own experience, so I'm not certain and I do not know her, but I hear that she is retreating and I relate to this very well...I disappeared from the lives of guys I genuinely liked...I just couldn't handle the relationship or pressure to feel connected).

 

[Grant b]

Thank you for your insight chava :). I talked to her on the phone today things have gone worse she is upset with me that I am researching and trying to find out more information and the fact that I said to her I'd like to create a plan with her. And she is pissed of with me that I told her the other night that I could only be with her I couldn't go to being friends because I am to invested. It seems everything I do or say how I feel I am in the wrong and all I want to do is be here for her I'm giving her a call in a couple hours so we can speak about it all. I realy like this girl and I have been doing my best as much as I can while suffering from anxiety and depression at the same time I fear once I make that call me and her will be over. But I will see I'm still determined to be with her but it's all up to her in the end of the day.

 

[intothelight]

Welcome and check out the supporter section as I believe you will find the information there helpful.

 

[Theresa1122]

Thank you for your insight chava :). I talked to her on the phone today things have gone worse she is up...

From the sounds of it, she's not ready to share these deep issues with you yet. You doing research and learning things is a good thing and all the people in this site understand that you're trying to help, but maybe don't tell her you're doing all this stuff and definitely don't push her about doctors or meds - you'll only push her farther away. Give her some time and space. She's taken quite a few steps backwards in her recovery, and this is not your fault, it just happens with us PTSD sufferers. We move forward one step and backwards three. It's hard for us and I know it's hard for our loved ones. She'll come back around, but you can't push her. Space, space, space - that's what she needs from you right now. I know you have very deep feelings for her, but leaving her alone may allow her to come out of her shell and come to you. Pushing her will keep her in her shell and she will never come out. It's hard, but it's what needs to be done for her right now. You're a good man, Grant! Keep your chin up. :hug:s

 

[Chava]

all I want to do is be here for her

Just let her know that and let her come to you or reach out to you maybe. I hear you are determined, but the eagerness to have a relationship with her might be pushing her away. Not sure if that makes any sense. But if you can hang out, maybe don't go into trying to understand her PTSD right now...just have some ice cream, talk about something she enjoys about life, be a friend first. Just some thoughts. She might be feeling very pressured right now. And if you are "determined" I would not even use that word around her, but be willing to slow down and also give her space.