De Nile A River In Egypt

[Calmpeace]

I became a cliche. I stopped taking my meds for a few days. I felt better, but more than that I was tired and impatient. I thought it was over. I was ready to forget. Ready to move on. I had some bad reactions from a pharma manufacturer over a month ago. But even after i got better medication, ive had some low weeks. Then it was good, but I have a hard time feeling real joy on my medicine. I had some great break throughs. I just think it's how runners feel when you are 3/4 of the way through. Exhausted and questioning. I thought i saw the finish line, but it was just a mile marker. I reminded myself that I'm not a quitter and that this isn't over. That this isn't the right time to leave the meds. Turns out denial is a really strong thing. I really thought it was the end. I believed it was. I wanted it. I felt it, but I was wrong.

I'm not where I need to be, but I'm not where I used to be. I have to embrace the slow progress or at least acknowledge it. It's the way. Not the way I want, but it's the only path to a better place.

The other thing is that I feel that I just have to finish a race, and I can relax after. But that's not really true either. Life doesn't stop going. If I live too much for that, I think I will be disappointed with the finish. Because the end is another beginning. It's learning to live for the race, not the finish.

 

[Symphony]

I stopped my meds recently, too. I think they were bringing me down further.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

Welcome to the Forum, Calmpeace!
You said it very well, "It's learning to live for the race, and not the finish."

One day at a time, and learning to live in the moment, is difficult, especially since PTSD is about what happened in the past. It takes time and hard work to focus on the present battles, and not on winning the "war" in our minds.

Learning to manage symptoms is vital, and takes patience. Meds help stabilize emotions, in order to work through trauma. It's hard to focus on coping skills while in a state of depression and/or anxiety.

Stepping out of denial, and accepting that you need meds, at least at this point, is a big step. Good for you!

You have found a great place to get more information about PTSD, and find support as well. Compassion and encouragement are definitely available here.

Blessings to you!
AKJ

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Calmpeace Welcome to the forum.... I've tried sooooo many meds and most of them caused more side effect than it was worth, so I stopped them. I was on Cymbalta for 4 yrs, and it did wonders for my moods, and pain, but coming off it was something that I wouldn't wish on anyone. Withdrawals were so bad, that I would NEVER take another psych drug again....

This is a good place for knowledge and support....