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Dealing With An Old Traumatizing Event.

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Celina

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This gets kind to be kind of TMI so here is your warning.

Okay so... I've posted this on a few websites and only have gotten a few answers, but they don't really tell me much. Basically, when I was little (around 4-5) I got really sick with encopresis and my parents took me to their family doctor. He was like sixty five at the time so he did things old school. He held me down on the examination table and proceeded to pull out all of the fecal matter that was stuck in me (tmi, i know) without telling me. I was screaming and crying for him to stop and he told me I needed to stop crying and to hold still. My parents just stood by and watched and had to hold me down at some point as well.

Well, after that ordeal he sent us all home and told my parents to watch my diet and that should help. It didn't, and about a month later I was sick again and had to go to the hospital where more doctors and nurses held me down and forced an enema up in me to make me go. They did this about five times in one hour, and I do remember it clearly because each time I hopped off the toilet the nurse said, "We're going to do it one more time." And after all that, I was referred to a specialist at a bigger hospital about an hour away. When my parents told them what the family doctor and the other hospital did, They were shocked and said stuff like, "That was absolutely traumatizing and she should have been brought here first so we could have done x-rays and prescribed a mild laxative." And that my parents should expect for me to have trust issues with them.

I'm eighteen now and I still have terrible flashbacks and panic attacks with the whole ordeal. My anxiety is through the roof and whenever I see an enema on the store shelf my eyes well up and I start to hyperventilate. I also can't stand being held down in situations. I've tried talking to my mom about it, but she dismisses it saying that I over react to things and that I need to get over it. My dad does the same thing. (My dad pretty much believes doctors can do no wrong)

All of the feedback I've gotten from other websites says that it was pretty much like sexual abuse, as I act out a lot like an abuse victim. I don't know what it is, I guess I'm looking for answers and to talk to someone about it because my parents feel like nothing was done wrong and I can't talk to them about it.
 
In a way I would say as a survivor of CSA that what you experienced was sexual trauma. To an undeveloped childs mind being held down as you described would be seen as such. I can only re-iterate what the others have put here and strongly advise that you get a trauma therapist.

((Massive Hugs)) and as for the TMI, we on here have all been through similar experiences and fully understand whaere you are coming from.

Oh and welcome to the forum.
 
as for the TMI, we on here have all been through similar experiences

Right, don't worry about TMI when it comes to trauma. I personally think that trauma therapists must be a lot like nurses in that they've heard all that stuff. My dad did something to me that caused me to defecate...I became one of "those girls" who denies pooping... I thought my therapists would be grossed out when I told them what happened. They weren't.

Trauma is messy. Like everyone is suggesting, it is important that you see a trauma therapist (not just any old therapist).
 
Just want to add my voice to the others. Try to find a trauma therapist, the more experienced, the better. Whether you get the PTSD label or not is secondary. The trauma is negatively affecting your life. . .might as well get the help of an expert. .. .same thing as calling the electrician when you have a wiring problem.

Also explain to your parents that there is an actual part of the brain that is in charge of 'getting over' trauma. PTSD actually damages this part of the brain. Telling someone with trauma to just get over it is perhaps the absolute worst thing to say. . .

Also, tell your dad that almost all doctors were B students. . .they just spent a little longer than the rest of us being B students. :)
 
When we say a Trauma therapist we mean a certified proper one.

When I was suffering in the early years I was seen by several "Counselors" No disrespect to them but seeing a counselor for my traumas was akin to asking a newly qualified nurse to perform open heart surgery with no training. I was able to disclose parts I could remember that in some degree I was comfortable disclosing. What my therapist did was to unlock to darkest memories from my childhood. The ones that terrified me so much I still wet the bed as a teenager (TMI I know)

At the young age of 43 now (I am still young thank-you) I now know I needed a proper diagnosis all those years ago and I was the one that left it too late and caused all the damage I did later on in life. I could have avoided all that pain during my downfall, losing my family and career like I did. It has taken me a long time to feel comfortable talking openly as I do now but I sincerely wish I had taken the time to seek the proper help at the proper time. Please don't leave it too late like I did.

PS, you will find a huge amount of support on this forum from all of us. Any time you want to sound off just come here and one or more of us will be there to help. Personally I have found this forum to be a god-sent lifeline.

:-)
 
Thank you so much guys :/ (Sorry for the late reply, I've been dealing with home improvements all weekend) Maybe when I can get my life straightened out better with school then I can see about going to talk to someone. Your responses have been helpful and supportive :)
 
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