General Dealing With The 'explosive' Anger?

[Never_falter2]

I'm sorry, but your husband sounds like an arsehole. He doesn't need PTSD therapy, he needs a lesson in manners. As s...

I did not read everything and do not have advice on the husband but you are very wrong to assume that those things cannot possible be triggers.

A lot of sufferers cannot stand queues because they hate the idea of having someone staring at their six and being unable to move and for many people I know that is one of the worst triggers.

 

[TonightAlive]

I too suffer from angry outbursts and its tearing my long term relationship apart. Its usually when I'm already overhwelmed and bothered by life, but he just has to say one wrong thing and it turns into an end of the world argument.

He seems to get very self defensive, understandably, and it just makes everything worse. Although I should never treat another living being like that, and normally don't except in "these moods" as he puts it.

I get that I need to control it but I don't even know where to start. Being off on my own turns it inwards but being with other people either shuts me down or blows me up.

De-escalation techniques seem like a good place. Sometimes all it takes is a minute and lots of rationalization after stepping back or pausing a moment before responding to react differently.

I've also found consistent excersise regime (nothing too heavy or obsessive) used to help me out a bit. It seemed to get out all the pent out energy. I used to swim and the rythmatic movement and breathing would calm me down and sorta rest my mindset.

 

[Stem Queen]

Dr. B.

I guess your wife knows a lot about what combat is like. Except the enemy in her war is the guy...

I totally agree. I suffer from Complex and Chronic symptoms of PTSD, and at times I am triggered and when I feel like I am blacking out, I can literally feel like I am reliving all the traumas, and a lot of the times when I am in a rage and have the very strong urge to go and break stuff, I sit and I rationalize in my brain about the consequences, and I stay still, scream into my pillow if I have to. One time when I was in a rage, I literally saw myself shoving stuff off of my table in my bedroom and breaking stuff, (but I wasn't actually doing it, if that makes sense) as well as having emotional flashbacks. Through it all, I was not able to control my mind, and thoughts but I was able to control my actions. One time, my husband made mw so freaking angry, I lost my shit. BUT... I didn't stab him like I had the urge to. Instead, I left the room, went into the bathroom, and I didn't leave that bathroom until I screamed on top of my lungs, and allowed myself to lose it in a safe place. Just because we get these horrible symptoms, it does NOT give a person a license to abuse others. I totally agree with your post..

 

[Fun in the sun]

I know this thread started in 2012 but thankfully it's still active. My boyfriend has PTSD from multiple deployments. We met in the military, dated for a few years while we were both in and recently got back together after a 9 year gap. Been back together a year now and I've been noticing some really odd anger outbursts. A few times now over the last 6 months or so, he becomes angry for no reason, likes to punch things, not me.. , or has outbursts I public when he doesn't think I am acting or saying things that the way he thinks is appropriate and will embarrass me in front of friends, family etc. I try to tell him to calm down but it dies not work. He's very unpredictable lately. He's involved with the VA and has had treatments but he hasn't been awhile. I get very afraid of him and is a scary person when he acts this way and I'm not sure what to do. Sometimes I feel like I should break up with him because my last relationship ended with me having to get a restraining order but I don't want to give up on him. He's also very stubborn, and doesn't have much family support on his end. His parents are both deceased and his siblings are much older

 

[Knox]

Dr. Your post makes me feel sad, hopeless and at an end.. having ptsd genuinely feels like what you're describing. Your tone is so final like this is who you're going to be until you take your last breath.

I worked security in one of the biggest hospitals in the country. This is the "ICE" age where people taking it feel no pain and have no fear. I've been knifed, attacked spat on, punched kicked.. I've restrained people to allow treatment from medical staff and many triage patients die with my hands around their wrist or ankle.

Trips to the morgue where I've seen it all. It became too much and I can no longer cope. I am being treated by a psychiatrist twice a month for two years. Loaded up with seroquel, seroquel FX, Effexor, valdoxen every night but nothing is working.

The thing that sets off my anger with my partner is feeling like I'm being judged, scolded, controlled. Get the hell off my case, but then I question if it's just my perception am I too sensitive am I just crazy.. whatever the case I feel like I am as good as I can ever be, like there is a thick wall I keep bouncing off.

I feel sorry as hell for my partner when I get angry because I'm just irate with my actions, I don't raise my voice but I sure get snotty and mean.

It goes like this. Something belittling me is said, my anger level snaps on. I am angry and hate everything. I don't care if I crash the car and die, I really don't when I'm in that zone.

My partner argues back with me and it just gets worse. I retreat to a quiet bedroom and stare at the ceiling reflecting on what the hell just happened.

Once calm I apologise to my partner, I feel like a shit head, I feel guilty and worry that maybe I've gone too far this time.

Anger - regret - fear - guilt - depressed

Knox

 

[IamJenna]

Dr. Your post makes me feel sad, hopeless and at an end.. having ptsd genuinely feels like what you're describing. Your t...

Hey. I totally relate to everything u just said.
So grateful for this site!!!! It's amazing to know I'm not alone with this!
Thanks so much for ur post it made a lot of sense to me.
Whenever my partner makes a hurtful comment to me it's a really trigger for me too. But I know the anger level I feel is totally disproportionate to what she has said.
When u said that "feeling judged, SCOLDED or controlled" r triggers for u it lept out at me! I'm exactly the same way with that there.
My mind brings up memories of all the traumas. & in an instant I feel a surge of adrenaline through my body & I feel like I'm under attack.
It's really been so difficult to try to understand what's going on. As my head usually goes offline in these moments. & I get really confused & just feel full of rage, that then turns to a massive feeling of sadness & fear.
I've only recently been able to recognise that trying to explain myself in those instances doesn't work not one bit. & now instead of searching tirelessly for some understanding & soothing from my partner at those times. I've began stepping away & reaching out to someone who actually understands how I'm feeling.
Or I just go into a different room & sit still & feel the energy. Twist a pillow to release the energy & sometimes come online & read these forums. & then it seems to pass.
Whereas before I would just feel the anger, see the memories & feel the emotional flashback. Feel totally justified in my mind that I was under a huge attack & about to make a massive life threatening mistake if I didn't attack or run away ASAP lol. & then that would lead to desperate attempts of explaining myself to my angry confused girlfriend. Which would result in more triggers. & eventually I would blow up by throwing & breaking or smashing something. Restraining my girlfriend out of fear of her triggering me more & of where that could lead. It was just a total nightmare.
& I'm glad to have made a bit of progress even if it seems tiny. It's a really big 1st step.
I wish u all the best in ur journey too!
Thanks again for ur post :) ,

Jenna x

 

[New Here]

I am new to this forum, so forgive me if this has been covered already.

Firstly I want to say how relieved...

If this is considered bumping an old thread. I apologize. I don't know the forum rules and cant access them from this computer without losing this thread. Sorry.

I read through this heartfelt and yes sad situation. First off, I'm feel for you both. I recognize the symptoms, and the anger issues.

I was diagnosed with PTSD recently. Oh yeah one of the big problems with PTSD is that triggers can cause rage and explosive anger.

Your husband isn't alone. My family too has witnessed my anger issues that came directly from PTSD.

In my case, I was slightly justified to be angry. But I was unable to keep my anger in control.

But I've also gotten angry enough to punch complete strangers.

I see you found some good resources on the internet. Congradulations on taking the first step on a long road to recovery.

There is hope.

I have a good counselor.

What I've found is that PTSD is the misunderstood behavioral issue of our time.

Many people want to believe it's this or that.

But if there is trauma that happned before the symptoms. It may well be PTSD.

Good Luck.

Your not alone

 

[Susan Flores]

Hello I am not a soldier but I am a wife of one. How can I help my husband? He has been different since his return in 2008 from deployment. He has anger outbursts which include breaking, throwing things and punching and kicking holes in walls. We have been together for 23 years, the latest outburst happened Monday morning over a simple conversation. He does not like to be in crowed places, he is always on edge, looking, observing. Will not sit in front of anyone when we go to the movies has to be in the very back with his back against wall, if we go out to eat he has to sit where he can see all windows and doors with no one behind him. While driving he seems to be somewhere else, zoned. He has the same zoned look while in front of the tv. Can not remember what he tells us or insists that he tells us something he has not. We own our own business and our employees have come to me with similar concerns, I have never shared my concerns with them so this was quite an eye opener for me to know that I was not the only one feeling that he is experiencing something. I have told him since he first got back home to please speak to someone, he won't. He shrugs it off stating he will be fine. He is still in the military and it seems the only way he can function normally is in a military capacity, because in our civilian day to day his mind is scattered and he has no focus and is completely unorganized and he was not like this before he left on deployment. It is getting harder and harder to see and hear what I go through which I know is nothing compared to what he is going through or has been through, I'm just asking for someone to please give me some advice on how to help him. I have talked to him about the blank look he has and he once told me I know what you are talking about now because one of the soldiers I was with at battle assembly had that look. So he does acknowledge in some way that he is going through something. Asking anyone going through this to please share advice on how to help my husband. Thank you.

 

[Sweetpea76]

You can't help your husband... he has to help himself. That's the rub. We want to fix and help, but as supporters we are powerless. All you can do is encourage him to seek professional help. He has to want to get help, and want to get treatment.

 

[LuckiLee]

He has to acknowledge his issues and seek therapy himself. Nothing you can do except encourage him to seek treatment.

In the meantime take care of yourself and maybe seek a therapist for yourself. Which may get him motivated also.

Prayers for you and your Guy!

 

[Gadgie]

Hi Susan, when I read the first part of your post about you're husbands symptoms, as they are all exactly the same as I went through, before I was diagnosed with having PTSD.

I've calmed down the temper side now, well lets just say, I can control it better now, but as for being with other people, sitting at the back, and always on edge, that is still with me I'm afraid to say.

I hope he does go for therapy, and gets the help he needs. I never got much therapy, most of my support has come from coming into this site and talking to folk who can understand.

Try and encourage him to have a look in this site, he might recognise that there are a lot of folk going through the same thing, that are here, and can help him, good luck.

 

[Yo Betty]

My N just always sees the negative in any situation I can get a new job with more pay and he will see the distance the new job is and the ware and tear on my car. We dated four years before we got married but never lived with each other beforehand. The adjustments after we moved in together we're the worse (also part of the reason we didn't live together we both knew we wouldn't have gotten married). He almost has the temperament of someone who is bipolar he will be in a great mood and it will be relaxing just having the guy I fell in love with here and he drops his hat and I get called every name in the book and he just hits the fan almost like Hun not a big deal it's a hat pick it up kinda thing . He doesn't know how to calm himself down and his mom (who took care of him when he first came home before we met) makes things worse when she says aww poor N disreguards what happened and blames everything on PTSD.
She was so happy to see him alive when he came home from war she never stood up to him or stopped him from name calling and saying really hurtful things when ticked off. It could be a few days before he talks to me nicely again or it could be a few hours but his mood swings are so hard to deal with (almost makes me want to call quits at times). I do love him very much and he is in counseling but since he has no job due to the severity of his PTSD (amongst other things) he has a lot of time on his hands and refuses to go out and do things or volunteer basically anything that will get him out of the house.
Since he spends a lot of time at home he has a lot of time to think (almost seems like he thinks of reasons to be mad). I know he doesn't want to be this way but the fact that he is this way is causing a lot of stress on our marriage as well as my mom (I can't tell my friends about these instances because I don't want them to judge or hate them. My mom is my support system and my rock but it puts a lot of pressure and stress on her. I am also afraid to stand up to him since I don't want to either make things worse or fight with him (usually when I come home from work I'm exhausted and just want to relax).