Sufferer Desperately Seeking Help, Anyone?

[Abstract]

That place got shut down

I am very glad it was shut down and that others won't have to go through what you have gone through. To treat an already abused child in that way is nothing less than criminal.

I have not been believed by therapists in extremely minor ways compared to yours and yet it has affected me deeply so can only imagine how you feel.

I hope you can hang onto the concept that most treatment providers are not like that even when your instincts say otherwise. Finding your way back to a place where you can get help is the answer. Baby steps. I like your idea of video conferencing. It seems proactive to me. I believe in your ability to address this. Take care.

 

[Tribulations]

I was thinking to start one, but I read the I suppose prerequisite thread on it and then second guessed it. I think I am ready but I didn't meet some of the requirements. So I am afraid to stunt my progress or make it worse. So confused.

I did read that, I read most of the articles by Anthony. They really helped put things into perspective, and helped me to explain things (the way it feels, etc.) to my partner better. I showed her the cup thread and it was literally like a light went bing!

Thank you everyone for your support and kindness. I know I have thanked a lot (sorry if it's annoying/redundant), but it really means a lot to me.

*HUGS*

 

[Tribulations]

Thank you Abstract and I am glad that place is shut down now too.

I have always been a "fixer", my father who abused me and shot at me. We still talk, he has his slew of abuse issues as well. I held on and kept giving him as much love as I could through all the hurt he caused. I am just happy that I helped him and he can now be happy. My mother is a better mother to my younger siblings (half but that doesn't matter to me) now because again I never gave up. I have always been stubborn, and I guess in this case it is good lol for once. I have a lot of love, care, and good in my heart. Unfortunately the things I have gone through have given me a very hard exterior.

So I guess my point in that long ramble (sorry) is that I will always try to find a way.

Sorry I don't quote, I am posting from my phone. It gets buggy sometimes. Our internet is going to be off for a little bit, but at least I have my phone.

 

[winterose]

Welcome Tribulations! You are so brave to write as much as you have already! You will find so many people willing to help and reach out in various ways here. I am sorry you went through so much but like Whitney said glad you found the site. There's alot of information and input here for sure.

 

[Abstract]

Hi Tribulations,

I relate to the stubborn streak and how it has helped me. I have to contain it sometimes and be kinder to me but it is useful. ;)

If it was me I would make sure that I was in a stable enough place and with enough coping skills before doing a trauma diary. That is just me though. :) And nothing you have said is annoying. You are doing just fine.

 

[Tribulations]

Thank you Winterose, for the welcome and the praise.

I am trying to be as brave as I can, and I will admit it is hard. I had to really compose myself to post that, it's a big one to me. It was almost like.... having a door in front of you. You don't know what's behind that door, and you have some anxiety/hesitation but you just close your eyes take a deep breath and just do it. Kind of like getting a first tattoo, but on a much more intense level. I am glad I did share though, I feel if I can share, I can get help/feedback. Which is a step forward and that's always been the goal.

 

[Tribulations]

Abstract, I hear you lol. Sometimes I don't think I'm being so hard on myself but others do, it's that I guess tough love thing.

That is my concern, it's kind of a catch 22. I am going to write down the pros and cons of starting one and if the cons outweigh the pros then I will wait. If not then I will start one. Thanks for the reassurance, I always feel as if I'm over burdening or annoying people, weird I know lol.

 

[safenow]

I am going to write down the pros and cons of starting one and if the cons outweigh the pros then I will wait. If not then I will start one.

I'm glad you are going to do that. I know it was hard for me at first as well. I too have had a horrendous childhood and early adult life. Years of repeated abuse of all sorts do make it easy to not trust people. And having "not so good" therapist put into the mix make it even more difficult to open up.

But I want you to know, the people are very supportive (which I feel you already can see), and I've written some of my trauma down here, and only received good, positive input from others. I believe it really helps us to clean out the cobwebs from our mind. All that evil are just like cockroaches. When you turn a light on, they run away., but they leave all that nasty poison behind. Once you expose those memories to the light, you can process them with a therapist (a good therapist) and be released from the pain.

I was in Patton State Mental hospital back in the 1960's and went through a lot of abuse there, sexual and physical. Being in 5 points, etc. Yes, there were a few times, I needed to be, but also times they did it so they could rape me when I wouldn't allow it or tried to fight them off. In fact, after I was released, the place was shut down and only reopened not that long ago. A lot of the staff got prison time for what they were doing to the patients. Then, shortly after I was released, my home was broken into by four very nasty men. Anyway, just know that we share things in common.

I'm so sorry you went through that same type of crap. Bless your heart. I"m open to listen anytime you need to let out the bad crap. I know it is not easy to hear for those who haven't experienced it, but we all care here.

 

[Tribulations]

Safenow I am sorry you went through the same, it's a horrid thing. I have read some of your diary, and have found we have a lot in common with the things we've endured. You're so strong, and well composed. Every time I have seen your posts I am truly amazed. By the way in response to the last post I read. You're nothing like her, you're much more of a beautiful soul, remember that :).

Thank you for the listening ear.

Edit: The place I was in when that happened was a Charter rtc. Thought I should share that.

 

[safenow]

remember that

*blushing,* thank you.

 

[winterose]

you're so strong, and well composed. Every time I have seen your posts I am truly amazed. By the way in response to the last post I read. You're nothing like her, you're much more of a beautiful soul, remember that

I whole heartily agree 100 thousand percent.

 

[safenow]

*Thank you both.*